


Too Much Is Never Enough

by thoughtsonateardrop



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Lovers to Friends, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, Romance, Self-Harm, Self-Worth Issues, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Telepathy, Worldbuilding, chapter totals may change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 72,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21553405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thoughtsonateardrop/pseuds/thoughtsonateardrop
Summary: The story charts Tentoo’s journey to build a life for himself in Pete’s world after the Tenth Doctor leaves him on Bad Wolf Bay with Rose. Along the way, he meets new friends and old friends and finds a way to call the world which is both familiar and foreign home.
Relationships: Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Martha Jones, Metacrisis Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 15
Kudos: 27





	1. Dålig Ulv Stranden

**Author's Note:**

> I’m a Doctor/Martha shipper who has always wondered how a relationship could develop between Tentoo and Martha. Since no one has written the story I wanted, I'm writing it myself. Billie Piper also helped inspire this story by saying she felt Tentoo was not her Doctor or that he was a lesser version of the Doctor. So I'm going to work with that. 
> 
> Everything until this point is canon so Donna did not give Tentoo the Tardis coral. I’m also going to be making use of the fact that time in Pete’s universe runs faster than the Doctor’s universe (when it was 2007 in the Doctor's universe it was simultaneously three years later in Pete's World). This will make sense in the upcoming chapters.
> 
> The story is named after a Florence + The Machine [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bD6sTDH9Zdc) of the same name. Basically, if Tentoo had a theme, this would be it. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

Tentoo leaned in close to Rose’s ear and whispered the words the Doctor had tried to say so long ago but had failed,

“Rose Tyler, I love you.”

As the words left his lips, Rose looked away from the Doctor and into Tentoo’s warm brown eyes. Searching for the truth in his words. Upon finding it, she pulled him by his suit lapels and placed her lips against his. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her.

Tentoo held on to Rose as his one heart raced with joy and excitement at finally holding the woman he loved. But the moment was cut short when they heard the Tardis doors closing, and the Tardis began to dematerialize. In an instant, Rose pulled away from him and ran out of his arms towards the Tardis as it faded before their eyes. But Rose was too late. She came to an abrupt stop, a few feet away from it, and stood helplessly as the Doctor slowly disappeared from their lives.

Tentoo also watched frozen in place, but his eyes were on Rose. He loved her with all his heart, and it hurt to watch her run out of his arms and back towards the Doctor without hesitation. The Doctor might still be another version of himself, but it did not stop her actions from simultaneously causing a flare of jealousy and twinge of hurt.

However, he pushed aside his feelings of hurt and walked to stand beside Rose. He took her hand in his, and they watched as the Tardis faded from their lives. Bringing an end to the life they had once known. Leaving behind nothing but an endless stretch of sand and possibilities.

It was only when there was no going back for either of them, that they finally turned to look at each other. The enormity of their reality now settling in. The Doctor had left them behind in this universe forever, but they were not alone, they had each other.

At that moment, it was hard to know what to say and where to begin.

Tentoo smiled as he looked at Rose even as the magnitude of what this meant settled in. The moment he stepped foot on the beach, he knew he was choosing to spend the rest of his life with Rose. But it also meant he was saying goodbye to the Tardis forever, which meant he would be trapped on this planet for the rest of his life. He felt like he had gained the world and lost the universe. 

Though the smile did not leave his lips, Rose saw sadness fill the depths of his eyes.

“Are you okay?” Rose asked, squeezing his hand as she saw the change.

“Yes, I'm more than okay,” he nodded.

“Are you sure? You look… like...”

“I'm here with you, how could anything be wrong,” he lied as he tried to fake a look of happiness.

Rose opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by her mother.

“We better phone your father but I don’t have a phone on me. Do you have yours? Or else we have to start walking,” Jackie said.

Rose looked away from Tentoo to her mother and back at him again, seeming torn on what to do next. But making a decision, she turned to her mother and said,

“I’ve got my cell, I’ll call.”

Rose released Tentoo’s hand to grab her phone and called her father.

***

Soon afterwards, they were in a car rolling up across the mountainside towards the nearest airport, as the beach stretched out on one side. Jackie sat in the front seat with the driver while Rose sat in the back beside her new Doctor. Her thoughts were in turmoil as he sat staring out of the window as if it held the secrets of the universe.

She had spent years trying to get back to the Doctor, only to find herself back on that beach, again saying goodbye. Her parting with the Doctor had been so reminiscent of the last time she lost him, but this time things were different. This time, she was not alone. She had a man who called himself the Doctor beside her.

But she felt conflicted. How could she be happy knowing that her Doctor was still in another universe without her? When she felt sadness at losing the Doctor again even as another sat beside her. When she felt guilty for feeling relief at not being alone again when she knew how much it must have hurt the Doctor to leave her behind with someone else. The opposing emotions raged within her, leaving her wondering whether she wanted to cry or smile.

_“Did it need saying?”_

____

____

The Doctor's final words caused a deep ache within her heart. She had waited years to hear him finally tell her he loved her, only to be disappointed when the time came. That's why her heart had soared when Tentoo said the words she had been longing to hear from the Doctor. She had kissed him impulsively, never imagining she was giving up her only opportunity to say goodbye to the Doctor. 

Nothing in her crazy, impossible life had prepared her for the situation she found herself in now. How could anything compare to the reality that the man beside her was both the Doctor and was not the Doctor? That one was lost to her forever and another promised forever. 

_“I’ve only got one life.”_

____

____

Tentoo’s words had sounded like a marriage proposal. She looked down at her hand, which had felt his single heartbeat against his chest when they kissed. She looked at him and wondered what it would be like to grow old with him. It was what she had always wanted. To spend her life with the Doctor. She had just never imagined that life would be with a Doctor who was also not the Doctor. Or a life outside of the Tardis. She did not know what it would be like to live an ordinary life with Tentoo. But then she smiled to herself, thinking that nothing about this was ordinary.

_“He was born in battle full of blood and revenge.” ___

____

____

The Doctor's words came back to Rose as a warning which gave her pause. The Doctor she knew and loved was nothing like that. He was always animated and cheerful, talkative and engaging. She still vividly remembered meeting a Dalek for the first time during his previous incarnation. The Doctor had wanted revenge after the Daleks had killed his people and destroyed his planet. But the Doctor had not carried out his vengeance. But this Doctor had.

Rose looked at the Doctor’s doppelgänger again, noting the reddish tinge to his hair and the mole on his left chin which the Doctor did not have. She wondered what other differences she was yet to see.

“So, do we still call you Doctor,” Jackie asked as she swivelled her head to look back at Tentoo.

Tentoo looked away from the window to look at Jackie before turning to face Rose.

“I hadn’t thought about it,” he answered truthfully. “Am I the Doctor... or aren’t I?”

He said the last part rhetorically as he realized he was not sure anymore. The name meant so much and stood for even more. When he had chosen it at the Time Academy, he knew he would explore the wonders of the universe. He had promised himself he would not spend his life trapped on Gallifrey. But now the Tardis was lost to him forever, and he was trapped on this Earth. He would never travel through time and space again. Instead, the Doctor was still out there in another universe living out the dreams and hopes of his younger self.

Even Rose had looked at him and had not considered him to be the real Doctor. The Doctor who had not trusted him and thought him too dangerous to stay on the Tardis. Who did not think him worthy of giving a chance. Who had taken the Tardis and abandoned him on this world. He knew he was unique. He was the only one of his kind in any universe, created by an instantaneous biological metacrisis. So he did not have to be the Doctor. He could be anyone he wanted. 

“No,” Tentoo said abruptly, as he made up his mind. “Don’t call me the Doctor.”

The name now felt like an ill-fitting suit which did not belong to him anymore, because it belonged to someone else. It was time to choose a new name. A name which would show he could be more than the Doctor.

A look of surprise crossed Rose’s face before she schooled her features into a neutral expression.

“You want to change your name?” Rose asked, failing to hide the surprise in her voice.

“That was his name and another life,” he explained not mentioning that Rose's own words had influenced his decision. “A new name might be what I need to make a fresh start,” he continued as he looked at Rose, trying to gauge her reaction. “Would that bother you if I changed my name?”

“No,” Rose said, shaking her head. “I’m just a little surprised. What name will you use then?”

“I guess I can’t use John Smith,” he joked. “I don’t know yet.”

Rose nodded her head in understanding. But as she turned to look away from him, he saw her lips come together to form a straight line in a frown.

He watched her for a moment before noticing that Jackie was watching them through the rearview mirror. Jackie did not say anything but instead looked away.

Tentoo also turned away to look out the window of the moving vehicle. The road wound along the edge of a cliff, giving them a good view of the beach below. It stretched out for miles along the turquoise sea. It may have looked beautiful at any other time, but to him, it looked desolate and empty. Nothing but emptiness stretching out endlessly into the distance.

But he had not been paying attention to the scenery. Instead, he had been lost in thought. Trying to fight off the creeping feeling of loss which had started to swell within him. The Doctor had not wanted him, and he had little choice but to accept his fate. But he would have sacrificed even more if it meant he could be with Rose. So he had accepted losing his home on the Tardis and everything that entailed because he knew he could face it all with Rose by his side.

But his melancholy was also driven by thoughts of Donna. She was more than just a friend and companion she was like half of him. So the knowledge that Donna was dying was eating him up inside. Unlike him, who could absorb part of her without any side effects. Donna was human, and a human could not keep the knowledge of a Time Lord in her mind and hope to live. Tentoo closed his eyes to hold back the feeling of loss which threatened to overwhelm him. He wished he had at least said goodbye.

Tentoo felt Rose take his hand, so he turned to her. For an instant, an old friend’s face flashed across his mind. He had not thought about him for a long time, as the Doctor tried not to think about his past companions once they left. But the memory of Jamie McCrimmon gave him hope. It gave him a way to save Donna and a solution he knew the Doctor would also have thought of. On Gallifrey, his people had taken away all of Jamie’s memories of the time he had spent travelling with the Doctor. But now, the Doctor could do the same to save Donna.

Tentoo smiled at Rose but said nothing of the thoughts filling his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the first chapter because I’m excited to share this story. I’m also going to be posting the title for the chapter to follow, which may give a hint of what’s to come.
> 
> Next chapter: Home


	2. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize for temporarily abandoning this story. When I posted the first chapter, I had every intention of posting regularly. However, my attention was completely refocused onto another fic. But I'm back and won't get distracted again. 
> 
> I didn't find a solution to using Tentoo to refer to the metacrisis Doctor, but I've limited its use as much as possible. I also noticed a minor spoiler in my first chapter which I've removed.

It was well into the night when the travellers finally arrived at London airport. After being secretly ushered through security into a waiting car, they were ferried away towards a helicopter which would fly them to the Tyler's residence. 

As the helicopter rose, Tentoo looked out of the window and saw a stream of red lights leading into the city. He was grateful he was not in one of those cars as he yawned in exhaustion. Rose sat beside him, not showing any signs of fatigue, but he noticed Jackie's head bob up and down as she began to doze. 

It had been a long journey back, longer than he would have foreseen. But he also had not expected to feel so tired after a less than exerting trip. As a Time Lord, he did not have to worry about exhaustion, but maybe things would be different now. If this was a new part of being half-human, he thought, he did not like it. 

He yawned again, listening to the steady beat of the rotating blades overhead. The sound was soothing, like the sound of rain during a storm. He let himself relax and allowed his eyes to fall closed for a moment before his eyes shot open again. But before long, his eyes fell shut.

When he opened them again, he saw Donna standing in front of him. Tears streaked her face as she cried and pleaded for him not to make her go back. But he could only look at her with immense sorrow, knowing he could not grant her wish.

Tentoo jumped awake, which surprised Rose. She looked at him with concern, but he smiled to reassure her. Communication was impossible because of the noise of the blades and engine, so Rose threaded her hands through his and squeezed. He squeezed her hand back, which seemed to reassure her. 

He kept his face neutral as he looked ahead, despite his head racing with questions about what he had just seen. He knew what he had seen had not been a dream. He could tell that much. 

They had been on the Tardis and Donna had been as he last saw her, wearing her long brown leather coat. The moment had felt real like he was reliving a memory. But how could he relive a memory he had not lived. What was even more disconcerting were the emotions he had felt and still felt. Even now, he could feel the echoes of heartbreak clinging to his heart as he watched Donna distraught and crying. 

He rested his head against the headrest, unsure what to think. He had never experienced anything like it before as the Doctor and had to wonder whether what he had seen was a side effect of his metacrisis. But it was impossible to know as he did not have the Tardis to analyze himself anymore. He felt an ache enter his heart again as he thought about the Tardis, but he pushed the pain away.

He looked out the window again and saw the jumble of city lights stretching out in front of him. He felt the comforting warmth of Rose’s hand in his and listened to the sound of the blades overhead. This was his present now. Not on the Tardis, but an ordinary human helicopter. 

But even as he tried to distract himself, he longed to see Donna again. Even as an unknown memory which caused him pain. He closed his eyes again, but no matter how long he kept his eyes shut, she did not reappear. He let out another yawn, feeling exhaustion overtaking him again, and before long he drifted off to sleep. 

When his eyes opened again, it was now daylight. He did not think he had slept that long, but he must have if the sun was hanging high in the sky. He continued laying on the ground and staring up at the sky, wondering why he was outside. But eventually, he sat up and looked around, not sure where he was. All he knew was he was not in London anymore. 

Tentoo stood up and spun around to see he was in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but red dust stretching out endlessly in front of him. He scraped his foot against the ground, releasing a puff of dust which floated up and was carried away by a gust of wind. He looked around again and felt his heart tighten as he was reminded of a place he could never return to.

“Rose,” he called out, but he received no response. He called out again but again got no answer.

He was surrounded by an endless sea of sand and knew he was in the middle of a desert. There was nothing else in sight, but he could not stand around and wait. So, he started walking towards the bright red sun. He had no idea where he was going, but he hoped he would stumble into someone or something soon. 

After what felt like an eternity, Tentoo saw something on the horizon. It was too small to make out from where he stood, so he continued towards it. It grew bigger and bigger with each step, to form the outline of a city. But instead of feeling relief as he approached, he felt a growing sense of dread, even as his legs propelled him forward. Again, he was reminded of a past he wished to forget. Of a city, he once knew and had seen fall - a city on Gallifrey. 

But even as his instincts told him to turn away and run, he could not make himself stop. As he drew nearer, he saw a grey object fly out of the city towards him, causing him to stop. As the grey object approached, he saw it was a silver bow ship. But instead of stopping where he stood, it flew over him and continued into the desert behind him.

Tentoo turned around to watch the ship head into the empty desert. But as it flew further out, he saw a black dot appear against the horizon. Moments later, he saw another dot in the distance which was joined by another. As he watched, dots filled up the sky like a swarm. They were too small for him to make out what they were, but he could tell they were all moving rapidly in his direction and towards the city.

He looked on and saw the ship which had passed him earlier, made a big loop and fly back towards the city. But without warning, white flashes began emitting from the dark shapes on the horizon. 

With horror, Tentoo realized they were firing at the ship as it tried to flee back to the safety of the city. Stranded on the ground and unable to do anything but watch, he watched as the sky filled up with white flashes. Listened as the wind carried the echoing chant he wished to never hear again. The distinct sound of Daleks shouting exterminate in the distance.

He watched helplessly as the ship drew nearer as it was hit multiple times, before bursting into a ball of fire. Engulfed in flames, the ship continued hurtling through the sky with pieces of its hull falling away as it raced down towards the ground. 

Realizing he was in its path, Tentoo began running to avoid the flaming blaze as it crashed a few feet behind him. As it touched down, the ship exploded into a million pieces, sending shards of hot metal flying as the force of the impact threw him off his feet and propelled him face-first to the ground. 

He rolled over, and pulled himself off the ground, to look back at the swarm of Daleks filling up the sky. 

“How? How is this possible?” he asked himself. 

But he already knew the answer. He had seen this very scene before. He could no longer deny what was in front of his eyes. He was outside Arcadia and this was the Time War.

Knowing he could not stay outside the city gates, he began taking steps back with enormous effort, until he turned around and started running. But as he ran, he knew it was pointless. There was no safety in Arcadia. The great city was about to fall. 

Overhead, more bow ships flew out of the city to confront the Dalek invaders. He heard the sound of them firing overhead as the Daleks also returned fire. He glanced back to see a ship get surrounded by Daleks and be destroyed.

Still, he forced himself to turn away and continue running. He remembered how the Time Lords in his universe had sent out a call to arms when the Time War started. The call for conscription of every Time Lord throughout time and space had brought back the willing and the unwilling. As the war dragged on, he remembered hoping no other universe would be forced to endure the horrors he witnessed.

But as he looked back again and saw more of his people and the Daleks dying, he wondered if this war was an inevitability in every universe. The Time Lords in this universe had also found him on Earth and dragged him back to Gallifrey. Brought him back to the last day of the Time War - The Fall of Arcadia. 

The Time War still haunted him. The memories of death and destruction, the screams which were more than anyone should ever have to endure. He had committed unforgivable acts. Horrors he had been forced to end..

It was then that his steps slowed until he came to a full stop a few steps from the gate. He wondered if that was why he was here now. That the universe was making him stop the Daleks here as well? He turned away from the gates and looked at the fighting occurring in front of him. Daleks and Time Lords alike all dying. But this was nothing compared to what was to come when the city was overrun. 

He knew he had to stop the Daleks. If he did not, the whole universe would burn. But he wondered why it had to be him? Why should it fall to him to stop them? 

The anguish at having to kill his people again made him want to scream and cry and plead with the universe for it to be someone else. How could he live with doing it again? It would destroy him. But he realized he would not have to live with the guilt, because he would not survive it this time. When the Doctor had used the Moment, he had needed to regenerate, but he had lost that ability.

It was then that one of the Daleks noticed him and flew down to confront him. Tentoo knew he needed to run, to hide, to do something. But his arms and legs felt like lead. Like he was bolted in place. He saw the bright blue eyestalk of the Dalek point at him as it prepared to fire. He tried to move, but he felt like ropes had tied up his body and held him hostage. But he realized if he died here, he would not have the burden of having to kill his people again. Maybe they would find another way without him, a better way. He closed his eyes as a bright flash of light blinded him, and he heard the call of the Doctor’s name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I am so sorry for not updating sooner. But I will work hard to make this an enjoyable story.
> 
> Next Chapter: Making a decision


	3. Making A Decision

“Doctor… Doctor, wake up,” a voice shouted.

Tentoo’s eyes flew open. He looked around wildly, feeling dazed and disoriented. His heart hammered against his chest, and he felt like he could not breathe. 

“Are you awake?” the voice above him asked again as his face came into focus. 

Pete stood over him, with a look of concern etched across his face. His hands gripped his shoulders and held him down. Beside him stood an equally worried-looking Jackie. 

“Are you awake?” Pete repeated. 

“Yes,” he mumbled as Pete released his shoulders with some relief.

The overhead light beamed brightly on him as he took in his surroundings. He made to sit up, but his blankets were tightly wrapped around his body, constricting his movements and making him have to wiggle free before he could sit up and prop himself against his bed frame. 

Jackie pushed past Pete to stand in front of him as she asked, “Are you okay, honey?”

“What’s going on?” Tentoo asked, feeling his heartbeat slowing down.

“You were shouting in a foreign language and thrashing about in your sleep,” Jackie said with concern, tying her nightgown more tightly around her waist.

Tentoo rubbed his eyes and realized he was dripping with sweat, and his pyjamas were soaked. He thought back and remembered arriving at the Tyler's and going to sleep in this bedroom. Things he had forgotten in his dream. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he apologized.

“It’s okay,” Pete said, “As long as you are okay.”

“It was just a nightmare,” he reassured them.

"You should go to bed," Jackie said to her husband, "you have an early morning meeting. I can handle this.”

Pete was about to say something, but a stern look from Jackie made him immediately relent. But as he walked out, Jackie asked, “Can you please check on Tony." 

Pete nodded his affirmation and left.

“I’m fine Jackie. You can also go to bed. You’re tired too,” Tentoo stated.

“You don’t look fine to me,” Jackie said. 

“I’m just tired,” he said, before frowning and adding, “and a little hungry, I think?” 

“When was the last time you ate?” she asked.

He had refused food during their journey back as he was too preoccupied to eat. And he had not eaten anything since his metacrisis. So...

“I’m not sure,” he answered. 

“Come out of bed you plum, I'll warm something up,” Jackie said.

“It’s okay Jackie, I can just wait for the morning,” he said, trying to protest but she ignored him and walked over to his closet and removed a fresh pair of pyjamas.

“You should also change into these,” Jackie said, as she placed them at the foot of his bed. “I’ll be waiting downstairs.”

Without another word, Jackie walked out and left him sitting on his bed.

Now alone, he let his head fall back against the bed frame and he took a deep breath. He had not had such a vivid dream about the Time War in years. The Tardis had always helped push away the nightmarish dreams from his mind, but now she was gone. The ache for the Tardis flared again in his heart, as he thought about his beloved ship.

He got all the memories but lost everything else. He placed his hand against his heart and felt the single beat, including the ability to regenerate. He was not sure he could even call himself a Time Lord anymore. If he had really gone back to Gallifrey, he was sure they would not have accepted him. They would have likely stuck him on the front line, hoping he would meet his end quickly. 

He sighed again, wishing he could wipe away some of his memories and only keep the happy ones. How was he meant to start his life anew. A new life as a human man, he thought grimacing. He was not sure what to think about what he was: half-human and half-Time Lord. He was not sure he would ever get used to the idea of being part human.

He got out of bed and began changing into the fresh set of clothes Jackie place on his bed, feeling relieved that Rose had not been woken up by his shouting. She had not let it show, but he was sure she had been exhausted as well. 

_"But he's not you.” ___

____

____

Rose’s words popped back into his head. He had played them over and over again in his head, more than he would ever admit. But she had been right. He had the Doctor's face, but he was not the Doctor. Not anymore.

Changed, he walked downstairs to find Jackie in the kitchen.

"Sit down," Jackie said, standing by the microwave. "It will be warmed up in a sec."

When he chose a seat, he heard a ding and Jackie took out the plate of food and gave it to him.

Putting on a smile, he said, "Thank you." 

As he dug into his food, she prepared herself a cup of tea and joined him. 

“You must have been starving,” Jackie commented, seeing how he was wolfing down his food.

He shrugged in response.

Jackie took one sip from her cup and put it down. “About what happened earlier.”

“It was just a dream, nothing more," he said, between mouthfuls.

Jackie pursed her lips before saying, “It seemed a lot more than that.”

He realized Jackie would not let it go easily, so he let out a sigh and put down his fork. “The dream involved old memories I would prefer not to think about.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jackie asked. 

“No, not really,” he said, shaking his head. That was the last thing he wanted to do, especially not with Jackie. 

“You know, you have barely spoken,” Jackie said.

“What?” Tentoo asked, confused.

“The Doctor used to talk non-stop, all the time. I sometimes wished he would just shut up,” Jackie said.

“So you got your wish,” he joked.

“It’s not only you. It’s Rose as well. You’ve both been silent since you left the beach,” Jackie observed. “You have barely spoken to each other.”

Tentoo knew Jackie was right, and it was his fault. He knew if he spoke with Rose, she would see everything which was on his mind, but he did not want that. He did not want her to see his sadness.

“We are both trying to sort everything out in our heads. The Doctor dumped both of us in this parallel universe and expected us to live happily ever after, but that’s not how this works. We both have a lot of things to sort out,” he said. 

“Can’t you sort it out together?” Jackie asked. 

“We will, we just haven’t spoken much as you observed,” he said.

“You know we are family right, and if you need anything from me, or Pete, we are both here for you,” Jackie said. 

“Thank you,” Tentoo said, touched. “I’ve actually made a decision.”

“A decision on what?” Jackie asked. 

“A name. I couldn’t use John Smith as that’s what the Doctor would use. But I now know what name I want to be called by,” he said. 

“Okay, what?”

“Jamie Noble,” he said. 

“Why did you choose that name?” Jackie asked, curious. 

“My friends have always been the best of me. So I wanted to honour them with the name I choose,” Jamie answered. As the Doctor, he had known so many amazing and remarkable people. Even if he did not feel the Doctor’s name belonged to him any longer, he would still always cherish the friends he had known and only hoped he could meet others like them here. 

Jackie smiled at that.

“That’s really nice of you,” Jackie said. “Jamie,” she sounded out. “I like it, I think it suits you.”

“Thank you, I do too,” Jamie said, smiling. 

“Would you like some more food?” Jackie asked, looking at his almost empty plate.

“No, I should finish up and get some more sleep. I’m still feeling tired,” Jamie said, thinking that Jackie looked exhausted and needed sleep. 

Still doubtful, Jackie asked, “You’re sure you are okay?”

“Yes, as I said before, it was just a bad dream,” Jamie said. He started eating again but stopped again and asked. “There is something I would like you to do. Don't tell Rose about tonight. She has been through a lot already. I don’t want her worrying needlessly about me.”

“I don’t know,” Jackie said. "I don't like keeping things from her."

“Please Jackie, I know you’re concerned about me, but you don't have to worry about me. It was just a bad dream.” 

Seeing Jackie hesitating, Jamie said, “I promise you, it was just a bad dream. I can’t promise I won’t have more, but that’s all it was.”

Jackie hated the thought of keeping something like this from Rose, but she could also understand why Jamie would not want to worry Rose. She knew her daughter, she was strong but she had also been through a lot. So maybe Jamie was right, she would just have to keep an eye on him.

Hesitantly, she agreed, “Okay but just this once.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jamie McCrimmon was a former companion who travelled with the Second Doctor. Like Donna, he had his memories erased by the Time Lords, so I thought it was a fitting comparison to what happened to the Donna. It could also be something which Tentoo may have remembered as a way to save Donna on his long journey back to London. So that's why I choose Jamie. 
> 
> Also, Ten previously mentioned Jamie in passing in Tooth and Claw when he gave himself the name Doctor Jamie McCrimmon. If you’re interested in finding out more about Jamie, [Tardis.wikia.com ](http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Jamie_McCrimmon)  
> provides a good overview of his travels with the Doctor and this [blog ](http://dwfacts.tumblr.com/post/8136769064/jamie-mccrimmon) gives a good character analysis.
> 
> Next Chapter: Rose Petals


	4. Rose Petals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed a little push to get this completed and I got it. Hope you enjoy!

When Rose walked into the kitchen the following morning, she found her mother sitting alone at the table and nursing a cup of tea. Jackie did not notice her walk in and seemed lost in thought.

“Morning,” Rose said, in a groggy voice to make her presence known.

“You’re awake!” Jackie replied, looking startled. “I mean good morning dear. Sit down and I’ll get you something to eat.” 

Jackie made to stand, but Rose placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her. 

“I can get it,” Rose said, dragging herself to the fridge and letting out an audible yawn. She had hoped her new Doctor was the one waiting downstairs, but she swallowed her disappointment as she opened the fridge. She scanned its contents and grabbed some containers with leftovers. 

She placed food on a plate and put it in the microwave. She turned and leaned heavily against the counter to wait for her food. She yawned again, as she ran her hand through her dishevelled hair.

“How did you sleep?” Jackie asked as she watched Rose.

“Okay,” Rose said, shrugging. 

Her answer was an obvious lie as she barely got any sleep. When they arrived home the previous night, they had all been exhausted and decided to go to sleep. But once alone, her mind would not rest. She spent the first part of the night tossing and turning in her bed. Thinking about everything that had happened and how nothing had gone the way she had expected. 

From being separated from the Doctor when she first arrived. To finally having him only mere metres away but having to watch him get shot and almost die. Everything continued to go awry until she was left on Bad Wolf Bay again. 

When she did finally fall asleep from sheer exhaustion, she was woken up by a noise. She thought she heard shouting and wondered if it was Tony having a nightmare. The noise had stopped, but feeling worried, she had gotten up to check, only to find her father closing the door to her baby brother’s room. He told her it was nothing and urged her to go back to sleep. 

But before she returned to her room, she had paused to look down the hall to her new Doctor's room. She thought it was ridiculous her father had put his room on the opposite side of the house like they were sixteen and needed to be kept apart. But her father had again urged her to go to sleep and she left.

She returned to her room, but as she lay down again, her mind was now wide awake and it took hours to fall asleep again. 

“Was Tony okay last night?” Rose asked her mother.

“Tony?” Jackie asked, confused. “Why do you ask?” 

“I thought I heard shouting last night. When I got up to check, I met dad leaving his room,” Rose stated.

Rose frowned as she watched her mother. She looked suddenly anxious, which made her worry something was wrong.

“It was nothing,” Jackie eventually said.

“Then why are you acting weird?” Rose asked.

“Weird? Me?” Jackie laughed, but it seemed forced.

The microwave beeped, and Rose took her food and sat down opposite her mother. 

“Are you sure, just now you looked a little… worried,” Rose said.

“No, no, he was fine,” Jackie said, patting her hand. 

Rose looked at her mother, not sure why her mother was acting strange, but she knew if something had really been wrong, her mother would not keep it from her. 

“Okay then,” Rose said, seeing the look of relief on her mother’s face.

Rose started digging into her food, but after a few bites Jackie asked, “How are you feeling?” 

Rose had anticipated her mother asking her that question and was actually surprised she had held back for so long before asking. 

“How do you think I feel,” she asked, choosing to concentrate on her food to avoid looking at her mother. 

“I don’t know since you haven’t told me,” Jackie said, but Rose remained silent as she ate.

“It might really help to talk about it,” Jackie insisted. 

Rose still looked down, not wanting to talk. To her, everything felt surreal. Even sitting here with her mother felt strange. Once they had started testing the dimension canon, she firmly believed she would one day be at the Doctor’s side again in the Tardis. Every day she left this house, it always felt like the last time. 

So when she successfully crossed over, she thought she would never see her family again. She knew she was leaving behind her mother, father, brother and friends, but she had been prepared to do it for the Doctor. But here she was again. Sitting at this same table, eating breakfast as if nothing had happened. 

“I’m just trying to help,” Jackie said gently. 

“What am I supposed to say?” Rose finally asked, putting down her fork forcibly as she looked straight at her mother. “That I’m devastated that the Doctor sent me back here. That I feel like I wasted four years of my life trying to get back to him because I still lost him. That I’m more confused than I’ve ever been in my whole life because I feel heartbroken at losing the Doctor but there is a man in this house who is the Doctor but also isn’t and I don’t know how to feel about that. That I wish I could stop thinking for one minute or even better for my heart to make up its mind on whether I should be happy or sad.”

The words spilled out of Rose’s mouth like an unfiltered tap, as she revealed some of what had kept her up the previous night. The night of thinking had done little to reconcile her conflicting emotions, except confuse her further. Her heart still felt like it was breaking because she would never see the Doctor again, but that was not true, because he was with her now in this new Doctor. But how could she be happy with this new Doctor when she felt like she was betraying her old Doctor. She felt confused and did not know what to feel or what to do. She had hoped to talk this morning, but instead, she got her mother.

Rose closed her eyes and put her face in her hands, feeling exhausted by it all. She had just wanted to grab a quick bite to eat, not to be interrogated by her mother. 

“Honey it’s only normal that you’re confused. Anyone would be,” Jackie said reassuringly. After a pause, she said, “Remember when I met your father again after he lost his wife?”

Rose nodded her head as she remembered the Jackie of this world had been killed by Cybermen.

“It wasn’t easy for your father to deal with that loss and be with me either. But you know what helped? Our working through it together,” Jackie said. 

Lifting her head and feeling like she suddenly wanted to cry, Rose said, “But this is different. The Doctor is still alive in the other universe, and I can’t help but worry about him. I promised I would stay with him but I couldn’t keep that promise.”

“Honey, you did everything you could to keep that promise. But more than that promise, I’m sure the Doctor would just want you to be happy,” Jackie said. 

“Then why do I feel like I’m betraying him,” Rose asked.

“The Doctor made his choice. He left Jamie here because he wanted you to have a happy life,” Jackie said. 

“Jamie?” Rose asked confused. 

“Oh sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that. But since I’ve already told you, I guess it's too late. He chose a name last night,” Jackie clarified.

“What!? You spoke with him last night?” Rose asked, still confused. She was sure he had gone straight to bed when he had arrived last night, so she could not think of a time the two could have spoken.

“Well…,” Jackie said, as she looked nervous again. “Jamie woke up last night feeling hungry so he had a little snack and we chatted. That’s when he told me his name would be Jamie Noble.” 

“Noble,” Rose said, knowing it was Donna’s last name. 

“What do you think?” Jackie asked. 

“Jamie,” Rose repeated to herself, barely listening to her mother. 

“You don’t like it?” Jackie asked. 

“No, it’s just… never mind,” Rose said and shook her head. She knew her new Doctor had mentioned wanting a new name, but she did not think he would actually go through with it. And why Jamie? She could understand Noble, but not Jamie. 

“I thought it was a fitting name,” Jackie remarked.

Rose frowned at her mother but said nothing as she continued to wonder why he had chosen Jamie. She had never heard the Doctor mention knowing a Jamie before. Was it someone he had met before or was it someone else he met after her? She could not be sure. 

She already knew there had been another woman as well, called Martha Jones. Then there was Donna which made it two. So it was possible, there could be others. But how important had this Jamie been to the Doctor for him to take his name? In fact, how many people had the Doctor come to know while she was gone? 

She felt a spike of jealousy creeping up inside of her as she wondered at the possibility of the Doctor travelling for an unknown amount of time with an unknown amount of people, while she had been stuck here obliviously working to get back to him. It didn’t feel fair. 

Rose pushed away the plate of food in front of her having suddenly lost her appetite, and rested her head in her hands. She could feel tiredness weighing her down and it was getting harder to fight it. 

Rose heard the scrapping of a chair on the tiled kitchen floor and her mother taking away the plate from in front of her. 

“Why don’t you try and get some more sleep, you still look tired and maybe once you are more rested, it will help you sort through things more,” Jackie said, as she discarded Rose’s abandoned food and placed the dish in the kitchen sink. 

Jackie looked over at her daughter who had not moved an inch since she stood up and sympathized with her. She knew how much her daughter loved the Doctor. That was why she had come to accept that Rose could disappear from her life forever and there was not much she could do to stop it. So she had resolved to support her and protect her in any way she could. However, Jackie had not been prepared for this situation. She was not sure how to help her daughter, but she was going to try. 

Jackie walked over to Rose and placed a supportive hand on her shoulder and said, “I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you wanted them to.”

Rose lifted her head and looked up at her mother.

“I know you are,” Rose acknowledged, as she sat back up. “Maybe some sleep will help.”

Jackie patted Rose’s cheek affectionately and smiled sadly.

It was then that Jamie walked into the kitchen and said, “Good morning.”

Rose turned around to watch Jamie walk into the kitchen. It felt surreal watching him casually greeting them like it was the most normal thing in the world when her own heart seemed to stop.

“Good morning Jamie,” Jackie replied, stepping away from Rose, “Are you hungry.”

“Actually yes,” he said with a sheepish smile, knowing just how much he had eaten the previous night. 

“Then sit down and I’ll get you something,” Jackie said heading to the fridge.

Jamie sat down, taking the seat Jackie had previously occupied and said, “Hi.”

After the initial surprise of seeing Jamie and how identical he was to the Doctor, her eyes travelled down to the clothes he was wearing.

“Your clothes,” Rose stated. 

Jamie looked down at himself and let out a small laugh. His closet had been filled with suits in different shades of brown, in the style the Doctor liked. But he was not the Doctor anymore. The Doctor had always changed his clothes with each regeneration and that felt like a fitting transition to mark his new life. There had not been much choice but he opted for dark blue jeans and a dark graphic tee with a smart jacket over it. 

“Ah yes, the new clothes. You don’t like it?” Jamie asked. 

“No, it’s just…” Rose began as she thought of how she had never seen the Doctor wear jeans before. But she quickly corrected herself mentally, he did not want to be called the Doctor, he was Jamie. “It’s just… different.”

“I’m not sure what to think either,” Jamie confessed. He had to admit, his first instinct had been to wear the blue suit. But wearing the Doctor’s old clothes would not help him break free of him. 

“Your food will be ready in two minutes,” Jackie said, as she began walking out of the kitchen. “I should check on Tony, he is with the nanny upstairs but she might want a break.” 

Jackie walked out leaving the two of them alone together for the first time, which Jamie realized and caused him to smile. 

“So, you choose Jamie” Rose commented, returning the too familiar smile.

“Yes,” he said nervously as he remembered the look of surprise Rose had when he had said he did not want to be called Doctor any longer. He had changed his clothes and now his name, and he irrationally felt like he was somehow disappointing her. “I’ve always liked the name, so it seemed like a good name to choose.”

Still smiling Rose replied, “I’m happy you found a name you liked.” 

Seeing Rose’s smile lit up Jamie’s heart. He had been worried she would not like his name but she seemed genuinely happy for him and that was the assurance he had needed.

Internally, Rose was happy her mother had let his new name slip earlier, which had given her the time to process the change.

They heard the ding of the microwave, so Jamie stood up and went to get his food.

After sitting back down Jamie asked, “How did you sleep? You look tired.”

“Okay, but I could use some more sleep,” Rose answered. “What about you?”

“Okay,” Jamie said, shrugging his shoulders. “Though it feels a bit weird not being in the Tardis.”

“Sorry, I didn’t even think about that,” Rose said, realizing she truly had not thought about how Jamie must be feeling after losing the Tardis. “Are you okay?”

“I can’t deny it's going to take some time to get used to it,” he admitted. If he was truly honest, he did not know how to handle the loss. It felt unreal like he was stuck in a dream. Or maybe the reality was he really did die in his dream last night, and this was the fiction, which he knew was ridiculous. 

Looking down at his food which he had not touched, he continued, “Sorry, I have been distant since the beach. I’ve been trying to process everything that has happened.”

“I’ve been doing the same,” Rose said. “I’m sure this was not what you had expected to happen.”

“No, I expected it,” Jamie said looking back up at her. “I do have the Doctor’s memories after all. I knew he would leave me here.”

“And you’re happy you remained here?” Rose asked. 

“I’m happy I’m here with you,” Jamie answered smiling. “But how do you feel about it?” 

“Honest answer?” Rose asked, drawing her lips together.

“Yes,” Jamie said nodding. “I want you to be honest with me.”

“I’m confused,” Rose admitted, deciding to leave out heartbroken and the other myriad of emotions which were still warring in her heart. She knew it would only hurt Jamie if she was completely honest, but knew her mom had been right. She did need to talk about it. “I know you have the Doctor’s memories and you are basically the Doctor. But you also aren’t the Doctor.”

What Rose said did not come as a surprise to Jamie. The moment Rose ran out of his arms to the Doctor, he had known she wanted to leave with the Doctor but had no choice but to stay with him here. He knew he was not her first choice. But that knowledge did not stop how he felt about her.

“I know this is not what you expected or wanted,” Jamie offered, hiding the sadness he was feeling, “but I meant what I said on the beach and I want you to be happy.”

“It isn’t what I expected,” Rose admitted. “But that doesn’t mean I am unhappy either.” 

Rose reached across the table to hold one of Jamie’s hands and smiled. “It’s just going to take some adjusting to.”

“You know I’m here for you, whatever you need, I’m always here,” Jamie said squeezing her hand.

“Thank you,” Rose said appreciatively, before releasing his hand so he could start eating. “I just need time to think things out.”

“And I will be waiting for you,” Jamie promised. 

“You should eat,” Rose said motioning to the still untouched food in front of Jamie, “before it gets cold.”

“What about you?” Jamie asked.

“I’ve already eaten,” Rose said.

Jamie quickly ate his meal as Rose began to tell him about the world they now lived in and the changes which had happened since the Doctor was last there. She told him about her brother who was now 3 and a half and about her friends and her colleagues at Torchwood. About the war with the Cybermen and how now that most were gone, Harriet Jones, who was still president, had finally done away with the curfews for good. They still found pockets of Cybermen hidden across the world, but their numbers were greatly diminished. 

Time seemed to fly as they continued to talk, long after Jamie had finished eating. But when Rose began yawning, Jamie insisted she get some sleep. They cleaned up and were walking out the kitchen when a small body ran straight into Jamie’s legs, causing Jamie to bend down and catch him before he fell down. 

“Tony, I told you not to run,” Jackie reprimanded, exasperated. “Say sorry.”

Jamie kneeled down to set Tony back on his feet and smiled. Tony had chubby little cheeks, curly light brown hair and big hazel eyes. 

“Sorry,” Tony parroted.

“It’s okay little man,” Jamie said, ruffling his hair. “You must be Tony.”

“Yes,” Tony said, giving him a toothy grin.

“Are you going to eat?” Jamie asked.

“Crackers,” Tony announced. “Then play. Play with me?”

Jamie smiled at Tony’s enthusiasm. 

“Your sister and Jamie are tired,” Jackie said. 

“Please,” Tony whined looking, genuinely upset.

“You have to eat first before you can think about playing,” Jackie said, coming to stand beside Tony and smoothing his ruffled hair. 

“Okay mummy,” Tony said dejected as if he was receiving some form of punishment. 

“Once you’ve eaten, we can play,” Jamie promised and was rewarded with a big smile. 

“All day?” Tony asked eagerly.

“Of course,” Jamie confirmed. 

“Food mummy,” Tony said, slipping out of Jackie’s hands and running into the kitchen. Jackie could only smile and follow him into the kitchen while Rose came to stand beside Jamie. 

“You were tricked by his innocent eyes, but you will come to regret that,” Rose said, before walking into the living room.

Regret was an underestimation for Jamie as he collapsed in exhaustion onto the couch a long while later. Tony seemed like a never-ending mass of excitable energy who never stopped moving. Rose had quickly called it quits and snuck away without Jamie noticing, but Jamie had endured on. Until he had to admit defeat. He had underestimated the energy level of a toddler. 

Tony was still jumping on him in excitement asking what they would be doing next, as Jamie had promised to play with him for the whole day. As Jamie was about to drag himself back up, Jackie saved him by calling for a snack break and sending Tony to the kitchen when Pete had arrived home early.

Jamie sunk back into the couch and closed his eyes in exhaustion but Jackie disturbed him by saying, 

“Pete brought this over for you,” she said, handing over a small box.

Jamie eyed the small black box before opening it to reveal a bulky looking watch.

“What is this?” Jamie asked.

“It’s a watch,” Jackie said.

“Then I don’t need it,” Jamie said about to toss it aside. 

“It is a watch amongst other things,” Jackie clarified which stopped him. “It also monitors the glucose levels in your body, that when they start to drop it rings reminding you to eat.”

“Yeah, I don’t need this,” Jamie said, putting it down on the table.

“Last night you said you didn’t remember ever eating. That means for over a day you never ate a thing and it didn’t occur to you that you should,” Jackie said. 

“There were more important things like staying alive which I had to think about,” Jamie said. 

“And what about the rest of the trip home?” Jackie asked. 

“Well… I was distracted then,” Jamie said. 

“And today?” she asked as she placed her hands on her hips in exasperation knowing he had neglected to eat again after breakfast. “I will not have you collapsing on us, so put that thing on before I wrestle it on.”

Jamie felt too tired to argue, so grudgingly placed it on his wrist and turned it on. It immediately started beeping. 

“I guess it’s already broken,” Jamie said about to remove it.

“No, it means it's working already,” Jackie said, giving him another stern look as if challenging him to remove it as she watched. Thinking better of it, Jamie left it on and instead looked at it in silence. 

“It means you should have something to eat before you get any more rest. You better head up now before Tony is done. I’ll bring something up,” Jackie promised.

She turned around and started heading into the kitchen but Jamie stopped her by asking, “Do you know whether Rose is asleep?” 

Jackie paused and came to a stop. “It has been a while now since she went up, so it won't hurt to check.”

“Has she said anything to you?” Jamie asked. He knew Rose was not saying everything on her mind, but maybe Jackie could give him more insight. 

“Not much,” Jackie said.

“It’s been a trying few days for her,” Jamie said, reading the worry on her face. 

“For you as well,” Jackie said. “I’m not sure how you came to be but you did not exist until two days ago.”

“In a way, that is true. I have all these memories of being alive for 900 years but I haven’t really. They are the Doctor’s memories. But I also have some of Donna’s memories. Snippets of her life. Little things. But they are still there,” he said sadly.

Jackie scanned Jamie’s face and asked, “You miss her.”

“We were close,” Jamie admitted. He had only got a short time to spend with her but those moments had been amazing. They had been so in sync, he felt closer to her than any other person he had ever met. 

Jackie sighed and came back to sit down close to Jamie and asked, “I hope you know you’re not alone, and if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you. But I also understand how you would likely want to talk to Rose about it?” 

“I don’t think it’s fair to throw this on Rose. She said she needed time,” Jamie said. 

“And what do you need?” Jackie asked. 

“What do you mean?” Jamie asked. 

“You have this new life, but what is that new life for you?” Jackie asked. 

Jamie thought about it for a moment and realized, “I don’t know.” 

He had not thought about it yet. His focus had been on Rose and what he lost. But now that the Tardis was gone, he did need to decide what he was going to do. 

“It’s a lot to decide and I don’t think I should make that decision alone,” Jamie said. He had to think about Rose as well. What did she want?

Jackie smiled though wishing to hear more. But she did not want to pressure him either. After last night, it seemed like he was dealing with a lot. 

“Okay, get some rest but don’t sleep before you’ve eaten something. I can’t have you going any skinnier on me.”

“Yes ma’am,” the Doctor said with a mock salute. 

They parted and Jamie walked up the stairs but paused at the top of the staircase. He turned and walked in the direction of Rose’s bedroom and after a brief hesitation, knocked on her door. 

He had been worried that Rose was asleep and he did not want to wake her but was relieved when the door cracked open. 

Rose stood in the doorway with tousled hair framing her face and a small smile. 

“I was hoping it was you,” she said with a smile.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” he asked. 

“No, I was already awake,” Rose said looking like someone who had just stumbled out of bed. “I see you have escaped my energetic younger brother.”

“Your mother took pity on me and saved me,” Jamie said. 

“Do you want to come in?” Rose asked. 

“Only if you want me too,” he said.

“Of course, I do,” Rose said, stepping aside. 

Jamie walked in and looked around her room, which looked like it doubled as a workspace as well. Aside from the unmade bed and two comfortable chairs to the side, the rest of the room was taken up by long dual work tables with four monitors. The tables were covered by stacks of paper and several gadgets. 

“Sorry for the mess,” Rose said. “I haven’t had time to clean up.”

“It's fine,” Jamie said, turning around to see Rose still hovering at the door. He decided to walk over to one of the chairs close to Rose’s bed and sat down. Rose closed the door and followed suit to sit down in the opposite chair, with one leg pulled on top of it. 

“Is that work?” Jamie asked. 

“Yes,” Rose turned around briefly and nodded. “It took a lot of work to build the dimension cannon, plus dealing with everything else. It’s been better now but we still have to deal with the aftermath of that war.”

“It couldn’t have been easy for you,” Jamie said. 

“No, it wasn’t, but most of the fighting is over now,” Rose said.

Jamie could feel guilt seeping into him when he remembered the sacrifice Rose made and the price she had to pay when the Doctor failed to save her from being dragged to this world. 

“I’m sorry, you should have never had to go through any of this. I’m sorry we could not save you that day,” he said. 

“I made a choice, even if it was hard, but it was the right one,” Rose said, remembering almost being dragged to another dimension along with the Daleks. “You taught me that.”

They both fell silent, and Jamie wondered why he had brought that day up. He had not come here for this. He had just wanted to see her before he went to sleep.

Unable to stop himself, Jamie asked, “Was it worth it?” 

“What do you mean?” Rose asked. 

Jamie wanted to say everything. Meeting the Doctor, travelling with him, being stuck in this world, being involved in a war which was not her own, ending up back here with him. If she had a choice, would she do it all over again if she knew this would be the result? 

“Travelling with the Doctor, everything that’s happened?” he reiterated. 

Rose knew without hesitation it had been worth it, anything was worth it for the Doctor and for the life she had learned to live. She would not give any of it up for anything. 

“I could never regret it,” Rose answered. Maybe nothing had worked out the way she thought it would and she did not get to be with her old Doctor now. But she could not regret the time they had shared together. Only at this moment, did she realize she was happy she was not alone. 

“I’m happy to hear you say that Rose,” Jamie said. 

“Have you been worried about that? That I regretted staying?” she asked.

Jamie didn’t want to admit it, but it was true. 

“Jamie look at me,” Rose said, so he looked into her eyes and Rose smiled, “I’m happy we are here together.” 

Jamie returned her smile, but he still could not shake the feeling that Rose was saying those words only for his benefit. He remembered the way Rose looked at the Doctor, and she did not look at him in the same way. 

He loved Rose and wanted to be with her, but he could not give her what the Doctor could. All he could give her was him. He just had to show her she could love him too, not as the Doctor, or because of the memory of the Doctor, but because of him. 

Rose tilted her head, knowing that look on Jamie’s face, “What is it?”

“Can you please do something for me?” Jamie asked. 

“Of course, anything,” Rose said. 

“Can we start again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is titled: Waking Dreams


	5. Waking Dreams

Rose lay awake in her bed, thinking about the Doctor. It was hard for her not to.

She had just been with him, in the Tardis, just as it should have been. Something she had thought was an impossibility, but she had been longing for since she last saw him on Bad Wolf bay four years ago. She had spent years worrying about the Doctor. Wondering whether he was alone, or whether he was not okay without her, the same way she was not okay without him.

But after years of only wishing, she had finally made it back to her own universe and his side. What she never imagined was being left on that beach again. But even more unexpectedly, she was left there with Jamie.

She picked up the pillow laying beside her and buried her face in it.

She thought about Jamie who had come to her the previous evening, wondering whether she regretted the years she spent with the Doctor now that she had lost him. Seeing the uncertainty in his hazel eyes as he asked that question had pained her. She did not want to hurt him, and she did not regret having him here with her. She liked having him here.

Her mum had sent up food not too long after he arrived and they had sat and chatted while they ate. It had been nice, and the first time they had actually been more relaxed and comfortable around each other. But her mind and heart kept reminding her she was not with the real Doctor. And it did not help that Jamie kept reaffirming this fact, despite being his spitting image and having all his memories.

Still, the evening had faded away into night, and it became clear that Jamie was exhausted. They had parted so he could get some more sleep, but that had presented her with an unexpected awkward situation. She had no idea how to say goodnight. Jamie had earlier asked to start again, but did that mean awkwardly standing apart like teenagers as they said their goodbyes or hugging him good night? Unfortunately, it had been the former awkward exchange.

She pulled the pillow down to rest it on her stomach and hugged it as she looked up at the ceiling. Why was everything so hard? She never imagined feeling unsure around the Doctor. They had always been a team, and everything came naturally. But now she felt on guard around Jamie, trying not to hurt his feelings by saying the wrong thing. But also feeling like she was watching his every word and action as if looking to find fault, which would show her he was an imposter. Or maybe she was looking for confirmation that he was still the man she loved.

Rose sighed and sat up, knowing she could not hide in her room all morning. After having a quick shower in her ensuite, she dragged herself out of her room.

As she descended the stairs, she could hear laughter coming from the living room, with the sporadic sound of a whistle. From the whistle, she knew her younger brother was probably playing with his toy trains. She decided to head there first before going to the kitchen as she had intended.

Rose stopped at the entrance to the living room and saw Tony sitting on Jamie’s lap, smiling broadly, while Jamie also smiled down at him. Tony squealed in excitement as he pushed the lever of the controller he held forward, propelling a small train across the tracks. When she looked around the room, she saw a continuous track snaked its way across the room. Climbing around or over the furniture and twisting around in loops in certain areas. She also realized it was not just one train, but multiple trains buzzed around the tracks making a symphony of noise.

As she looked on at the scene before her, she could easily imagine Jamie holding their child as they played together. It was what she had wanted with the Doctor. To share a life of adventure with him, but to also build a life together. To have a family. Share a home. To just be together. Her sitting with them and joining in on the laughter. There was nothing more she could wish for or want.

“Sweetheart, you’ve come down,” Jackie said with a smile.

Everything slowly ground to a stop as Jamie and Tony both looked at her. Rose looked to the side to see her mother and father standing just out of her eye-shot.

“Rose trains,” Tony excitedly shouted, as he held up the controller.

“They are wonderful,” Rose said, smiling back.

She looked at Jamie, and he smiled at her. The lazy smile the Doctor had when he was content, making her heart skip a beat.

“You all seem to be having fun without me,” Rose teased.

“Come and join us then,” Jamie offered.

When Jamie came downstairs, he found Tony eagerly waiting for him. As soon as Tony spotted him, he dragged him straight to his train play-set. Or more accurately, to the intricately laid train tracks, he had set up on the previous day to create Tony's very own train kingdom. Or at least, that's what Tony called it.

“Come play Rose,” Tony added in, holding up his controller to her.

“I just need to get something to eat first,” Rose said.

“Just stay for a little while,” Jamie asked. Seeing her hesitate, he added, “Please.”

“Please play,” Tony parroted, as he waved the controller wildly at her.

“Come on Rose, how can you say no to that,” her father asked, smiling.

“Okay,” Rose relented with a smile. She sat next to Jamie, letting their knees barely brush. She looked up at Jamie again and smiled, still imaging what it would feel like to wake up to this happy scene every day. It was what she had wanted with the Doctor, even though he was gone, and she would probably never see him again.

“Take,” Tony offered his controller happily.

Rose took it from him, and Jamie said, “It controls the trains on the whole track. The further forward you push the lever, the faster it goes. It’s the same with pushing it backward.”

Rose decided to push the lever backwards and saw the trains all begin to slowly go in reverse. Tony immediately started clapping in excitement, evidently having not realized they could go in reverse as well. She saw two buttons on the side, so she pushed down on the first one and heard the trains blow whistles. When she pushed the second one, some of the trains suddenly gave off small puffs of smoke. She did not remember any of Tony’s trains being able to do that before, so turned to Jamie in surprise.

“Just a little something I added yesterday,” he said.

“Faster Rose,” Tony cried in excitement.

Rose pushed the lever slowly backwards, and the trains moved faster and continued picking up speed as they moved around the tracks. Tony again cried out in excitement which caused Rose to push down further until a few of the trains derailed on sharp turns with one almost flying straight off the tracks.

“Oh sorry,” Rose said, letting go of the lever immediately and quickly standing up to correct the train closest to her.

Tony wiggled out of Jamie’s lap and also rushed to right up the trains, not minding the mess that was created.

“That’s okay, it does that when it goes too fast,” Jamie said, also standing up to replace the fallen trains.

“It’s time for Tony’s bath anyway,” Jackie said.

“Come on little man,” Pete said, walking forward to pick up Tony.

“Want to play,” Tony said, standing up straight to face his parents.

“Listen to your mother. You can come back after you’ve bathed,” Pete said.

“No, play,” Tony said before setting off running to the opposite side of the room.

Pete chased after him, but at a slower pace which allowed Tony to easily evade him. Tony scrambled behind Jamie’s legs and ran first right and left, as Pete matched him. Eventually, Tony ran straight to his mother, who reached out and scooped him in her arms.

“Now I’m going to catch you,” Pete teased, which caused Tony to scream again and ask his mother to save him.

Jackie joined in by pretending to save him by exiting the room and taking him to his bath, with Pete close behind.

After the excitement of only moments ago, the room now fell into an awkward silence with only Rose and Jamie left. They decided to first put all the trains back on the tracks before facing each other.

“How did you sleep,” Rose started.

“Okay,” Jamie said with a smile even though it was a lie. He had had another restless night of being woken up from dreams which pulled from memories he would much rather forget. “You?”

“Good,” Rose said truthfully. “I feel a lot more rested than yesterday.” She paused before adding, “It was also good to see you playing with Tony. It felt like you belonged here.”

Jamie smiled in surprise, not expecting the statement.

“I’m willing to try it. The starting over again,” Rose said. “I’ve asked you to be patient with me, the least I can do is try to be understanding of you.”

“We could start off by going out somewhere together. That’s what we did before,” Jamie offered.

“You mean somewhere away from my family?” Rose asked, with a knowing smile.

“Well yes…,” Jamie agreed despite how it sounded.

“Let’s do it,” she answered, smiling. “But doesn’t it feel weird to you?”

“How so?” Jamie asked.

“I feel like I know you already,” Rose admitted.

“It was the Doctor and his life you knew. I want us to get to know each other away from all of that,” Jamie replied.

“But aren’t you the same?” Rose asked. “At least for the moment. You share the same memories and experiences.”

“In a way, we are. And yes, I still have all his memories of us together, but I want to make new ones with you away from all the things the Doctor could give you,” Jamie admitted.

Rose frowned and replied, “I hope you know I don’t need the things the Doctor gave me. That was never the reason I loved him.”

Jamie looked down, pondering his next words to make Rose understand him better.

“Why does that make you unhappy?” Rose asked as she watched him. She had just indirectly told Jamie she loved him, but that only seemed to make him gloomy. Was it because she said she loved the Doctor and not him?

“I don’t want you to be disappointed,” Jamie finally answered. “I don’t have the Tardis anymore. I’m just me.”

Rose reached out and took Jamie’s hand and said, “Just being you is enough.”

She leaned in and in the last moment kissed his cheek instead of his lips.

Before Jamie could say anything, his hand began beeping.

“Sorry,” he said, turning off his watch.

“What is that thing?” Rose asked as she looked curiously at his wrist. She had seen it used by people before for medical reasons, like diabetics to monitor their insulin levels.

“It’s something to remind me to eat. I sometimes forget that I’m half human and humans need to eat more regularly than Time Lords,” Jamie answered.

“So it’s beeping now because you’re hungry?” Rose asked.

Jamie’s face turned red, and he said, “Ummm… no.”

“Does that watch do anything else?” Rose asked.

“Well… it monitors my body’s physiological markers,” Jamie said hesitantly.

Rose thought on that for a moment before realization hit her.

“Did my kiss make your heart race?” Rose asked, with a teasing smile.

Jamie’s face turned even redder than before, and Rose laughed.

“Don’t tease,” he sulked.

“It’s hard not to,” Rose said, moving in closer as Jamie continued to blush. “Especially when you’re being this adorable.”

“Please,” Jamie said, ducking his head.

“Okay, okay, I won’t,” Rose said, yielding and taking a step back. But then she held his hand and surprised him by pulling him closer to her and giving him a devious smile. “I’m also hungry.”

Jamie looked at her, wondering if she was going to kiss him again but then nonchalantly said, “Come on, I’m starving,” and walked away.

Jamie stared at the back of her head, wondering what just happened before he followed her into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything seems to be going relatively well. What could possibly go wrong…
> 
> Next chapter: Torchwood HQ


	6. Torchwood HQ

Jamie’s eyes flew open. His heart pounded against his chest, and he was bathed in a cold sweat. He gripped the sheets beneath him and took in his surroundings to reassure himself he was in his room. Feeling sure of his reality, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to slow his breathing.

When he opened them again, he sat up and sighed. Almost every morning was the same. Waking up in a cold sweat from a dream of a past he would much rather forget. His subconscious continued to make a jumbled mess of his memories. Taking the worst moments of his life and twisting them into nightmares. And today was no exception.

Today it was a day the Doctor thought about often, and one he would never be able to forget. The memory of watching Rose from across the room, in her baby blue sweater, as fear filled her eyes. In his dream, Jamie had tried to reach across the room, but just like on that day, a vast chasm of space separated them.

He had felt powerless as Rose’s legs lifted off the ground and the void began to drag her in. He had watched helplessly, as Rose lost her grip and was pulled away from him, as her screams of terror filled the room.

A shiver ran through Jamie’s body at the memory of her cry. He keenly remembered the despair the Doctor had felt in that moment. But unlike reality, where Pete had saved Rose, in his dream, Pete had not appeared. Instead, Rose had been pulled away from him forever, as she screamed for him to save her.

The Doctor had never forgiven himself for that day, and Jamie still felt that same guilt. Their lives would have been so different if they had protected her. Jamie hung his head as he remembered all the times they had failed to save someone who had trusted them.

But he looked up again, knowing he had no time for self-pity. Today was meant to be a good day. He would be spending the day with Rose, exploring London before she returned to work at Torchwood the following day. It had been over a week since they had arrived in this universe, and they both needed to get back into the world.

Jamie especially needed to start figuring out what he wanted to do. He had already thought over what he wanted, and he had finally made a decision. He would join Rose in working for Torchwood.

He just had not told anyone about his decision. But the first person he wanted to know was Rose. He hoped she would be as excited as he was to be working together.

After getting ready, Jamie headed downstairs and met Rose. When they set out, Rose took it upon herself to be Jamie’s tour guide around the city. Explaining all the things which were different in this world from the one they both knew.

To Rose, it felt like a role reversal to how things had been with the Doctor in the Tardis. The Doctor had always been the one who knew more about the places they were visiting than her. But in a way, she was now returning the favour by showing Jamie around.

After a day walking around London, Rose and Jamie found themselves walking along the River Thames in companionable silence. The sun was beginning to sink, and the sky seemed to be on fire with hues of oranges and reds, and the river was painted orange.

Jamie looked at Rose, who looked relaxed and happy today. Light danced in her hair, and she was smiling. It felt almost like old times. Like they were just taking a stroll around London before returning to the Tardis in the evening, even as a Zeppelin floated overhead. It made him wish he could press pause and just live in this moment with Rose forever.

Rose looked up as the Zeppelin flew ahead and watched it float by.

“Still not used to them?” Jamie asked, having noticed her always glancing up at the sky as one floated by.

“No,” Rose said, shaking her head. “After all these years, they still fascinate me.”

She had spent four years in this world, but she did not think she would ever get used to their sight. Pete’s world was more technologically advanced than her own in every way possible, except when it came to air travel. The Wright brothers had never existed in this world to create planes, so Zeppelins had continued to dominate the skies.

But technology had taken a step back after the disaster of Cybus Industries’ EarPods and the creation of the Cybermen. There was now a ban on downloading information straight into human brains and a re-emergence of cellphone technology.

She had started the development of planes in Torchwood, but they were still doing trials as she had not been familiar enough with aerodynamic technology to rapidly develop them. There had also always been something more pressing taking up her time as well, from the war recovery to the stars going out and inter-dimensional travel. She hoped that having Jamie here would help develop things quickly.

She looked back at Jamie and asked, “So you've made up your mind to work at Torchwood then.”

Jamie nodded. “It only makes sense to join Torchwood here. The Doctor worked with UNIT on the other Earth, but since UNIT doesn’t exist in this world, Torchwood is a nice equivalent. You’re there too.”

Rose smiled at that. Working with Jamie would feel like old times again, and she was looking forward to it. But she did not know if she would get used to Jamie talking about the Doctor in the third person. It reinforced that Jamie really was not the Doctor but she was beginning to feel it. But that came with its own complications.

“I can speak to my father and -,”

“There is no need,” Jamie said, stopping her. “I’ve already asked to speak to him at Torchwood tomorrow, but he doesn’t know why yet. I also don’t want him to feel like he will only be letting me work there as a favour to you. I’m more than qualified to get the job.”

Rose smiled in agreement. No one could be more qualified than him.

“And you’ll start tomorrow too?” she asked.

“If he lets me, yes,” Jamie confirmed.

Rose looked across the bank and saw blue lights forming a perfect spinning wheel of the London Eye against the darkening sky. She remembered the first time she met the Doctor and helped him stop the Nestene Consciousness from using the London Eye to destroy Earth. She smiled broadly thinking how she had no idea just how much that fateful meeting would change her life. Or how important the Doctor would become to her.

Rose turned to look at Jamie and was about to mention that day, but then her smile wavered. She stopped herself, remembering what Jamie had requested earlier. He did not want to think about the past, he hoped to start over and look to the future. She pressed her lips together and looked away instead.

“What is it?” he asked, having seen the change in her expression.

“It’s nothing,” Rose said dismissively, still looking forward.

“Are you sure?” Jamie asked.

Rose smiled and said, “It’s really nothing. I just remembered something from the past. It isn’t important.”

“What did you remember?” Jamie insisted.

“When I met you… the Doctor for the first time,” Rose finally admitted.

She pointed at the London Eye that was across the river.

“I saw it and the memory popped into my mind,” Rose said.

Jamie turned to look at the London Eye and the memory of that day clearly came to his mind. He smiled as he remembered how the Doctor had known Rose was something special from the moment he met her.

Turning back to Rose and still smiling, he said, “I will never forget that day. It’s one of the most important days in our life because it's how we met you.”

Rose’s uncertainty slipped away, and she smiled again. “I’m happy to hear that.”

“Why wouldn’t you think that was important?” Jamie asked.

“Because you said you want to start over and not think about the past,” Rose answered. “So I didn’t think you… I didn’t know whether or not I could talk about it.”

Jamie frowned and stopped, causing Rose to stop as well and face him.

“I’m not asking you to forget the past,” Jamie said.

“Then what do you want us to do?” Rose asked.

“I want us not to base our relationship on the past,” Jamie tried to clarify.

“But I’m not sure how to do that,” Rose admitted. Every time she looked at Jamie she was reminded of the past and the Doctor. How could she ever separate those two things from who Jamie was to her?

“I know what I’m asking isn’t easy, but is it okay to still try?” Jamie asked.

Rose nodded in understanding despite not completely comprehending how she was meant to do what he asked.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to have your guard up with me. I just want us to get to know each other again,” Jamie explained. Not adding away from time travel and travel in general really.

“Like today?” Rose asked.

“Yes, like today,” he said smiling again despite wishing they could go back to just being the two of them on the Tardis. But he knew that was impossible now. The Tardis was gone and this was their life now. A life where he had nothing. That's why it was important to build something new.

“Thank you for today,” Jamie said. “I really did like spending the day, just the two of us.”

“Me too,” Rose said.

___

The following morning, Jamie found himself in a car being driven to Torchwood headquarters. As the building came into view, he thought of how Torchwood in this world was so different from his own. In his universe, it was a covert organization, which did not advertise themselves to the world.

However, in Pete’s world, Torchwood made itself the centre of everything. Which included building an imposing tower right in the middle of London. The tower dominated the skyline, making it both intimidating and impressive.

As Jamie’s car approached, he saw a high fence encircled the building with armed guards at the gate, making it look like a fortress. Outside that fence, he saw several protesters lining the front gates of the building. They held up signs with some calling for freedom of thought and free access for all.

“What's that all about?” Jamie asked the driver.

“Don’t worry about them,” the driver said. “You should have seen the numbers when the curfews were still in place.”

“But why are they protesting?” he insisted.

“Because they have way too much free time,” he replied.

Jamie frowned as they drove through the gate unhindered. The car drove to the front entrance and came to a stop. Standing at the front was a woman clad in a stylish black suit and a high ponytail.

When Jamie got out of the car, she came up to greet him with a smile too big to be real and said,

“Good morning Mr Noble. My name is Melissa, and I will be leading you up to Mr Tyler’s office.”

Jamie returned her greeting and let himself be led inside. The woman led him through a security gate which blocked the entrance to the elevator. After scanning a passkey, she pressed the highest floor on the panel, and they started rising. When the elevator doors opened again, it was in a large lobby with floor to ceiling windows across all the walls.

“Please have a seat, Mr Noble,” she said, directing him to a seating area, before approaching a blonde woman typing behind a desk.

Jamie did not feel like sitting, so he put his hands in his pockets and walked towards the windows which lined the lobby. There were on the 53rd floor which gave him a good view of the Thames and Big Ben in the distance. There was a lot of activity on the ground, but he could not make out much, as everyone looked like ants from this viewpoint.

“Excuse me, Mr Noble,” he heard Melissa say behind him. Jamie turned around to face her, and she said, “Mr Tyler is currently in a meeting, but you will be called in as soon as he is done by his secretary Anya. In the meantime, please have a seat and there is coffee and tea on the counter if you desire.”

After saying that, she gave him a curt nod and walked back to the waiting elevator and left.

Now alone, except for the secretary typing away, Jamie turned to look around the lobby. Its walls were covered with large expensive-looking paintings and several sculptures and vases were dispersed around the space. He spotted two large double doors which no doubt led into Pete’s office. Everything about Torchwood was made to feel imposing and screamed of power.

Jamie looked at the large clock on the opposite wall and subconsciously began tapping his foot before catching the blonde woman giving him a disapproving look. He stopped, pulling his hands out of his pockets and walking to sit down. It annoyed him to have to wait, knowing the Doctor would just barge straight into any room without a care. But he felt compelled to show Pete some respect. Pete had been nothing but helpful and welcoming since he arrived, and this was the least he could do.

After a few minutes, Anya came to him and said, “Mr Tyler can see you now.”

“Thank you,” Jamie said.

As he approached the large panelled doors they automatically opened. Pete was standing and saying something to a room full of holograms seated around him but they turned off as soon as he walked through.

“Nice door,” Jamie commented, as Pete turned around to face him.

“It's impressive though a little over the top. It even has a DNA sensor which ensures no one gets in here unless I want them to. Please take a seat,” Pete said, as Jamie wondered when his DNA had been scanned.

Pete motioned to a pair of couches to the right corner of the office instead of his desk. They were less imposing than the large desk and chairs. Jamie scanned the room and saw everything seemed to be made of leather and dark wood with gold detailing. Large artwork also lined Pete’s office walls. It was not the type of office Jamie would have expected Pete to have, but Jamie suspected it was all for show.

“Sorry about the wait,” Pete said as they sat down, “I was on a conference call with the British cabinet, and they like to talk.”

“Politicians only know how to talk,” Jamie said.

Pete smiled in agreement, “What is it you wanted to talk to me about that we couldn’t do it at the house?”

“My future and what I want to do.”

“Okay, and what is it you want to do?”

“I want to work for Torchwood,” Jamie said. “I’m arguably the smartest person on this planet with unrivalled knowledge in all matters. I know I will be an asset to this organization.”

“Not very humble,” Pete said.

“It's the truth,” Jamie said.

Pete leaned forward and looked at Jamie thoughtfully, “But why Torchwood? You didn’t seem too impressed with us the last time you were here. And with your knowledge, you could work anywhere you liked. Just name the place, and we will get you the credentials you need.”

“I want to work somewhere I can make a difference, this is the place I can do that,” Jamie answered.

“And that’s the only reason? Not that Rose is also working here?” Pete asked.

“There is no point in denying her working here influenced me. But you know I have valuable skills which no one else can offer you, you can’t deny that” Jamie said.

“You are very skilled. Probably the most talented man on this planet but I’m still worried,” Pete said.

“About what?”

“Rose told me a lot about you, the Doctor,” Pete began.

“I’m not the Doctor anymore,” Jamie corrected.

“So you say.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Torchwood has very strict rules, and we expect everyone to follow them, including you. But from what I’ve seen and heard, you are not good at that,” Pete said.

Jamie smiled, knowing it was true.

“I can play by the rules too,” Jamie said.

“We also aren’t a fan of reckless behaviour,” Pete said.

“I’m not reckless,” Jamie defended. “I just take calculated risks.”

Pete did not look convinced, but he continued, “Our world has not been a peaceful one, and things might not be what you expect. We were stuck in a war with the Cybermen for three long years before we defeated them. Then when we thought we might start rebuilding our world, the stars started going.”

“I don’t expect things to be the same as my universe. Rose has already told me about things here,” Jamie said.

Pete sat back and said, “We do have an opening in one of our teams. I can arrange for you to join it. But I need you to promise me a few things first.”

“Of course,” Jamie said.

“You and Rose cannot be on the same team, you work separately,” Pete said. Jamie was about to protest, but he raised his hand and continued. “Those are the rules for everyone. Anyone in a relationship cannot work on the same team.”

“That is a stupid rule,” Jamie said.

“You can either accept it or find somewhere else to work,” Pete said.

“And what are the other rules?” Jamie asked, becoming sceptical.

“I need you to have a full physical. From what I understand, you aren’t completely human. So we need to understand your physiology in the event you are ever injured or fall ill,” Pete said.

“Sure, I can agree to that,” Jamie said, still on guard.

“You also have to know since the Cybermen, the Geneva Bio-Convention not only requires the reporting of new life forms but also all extraterrestrial or suspected extraterrestrial life to the authorities for immediate evaluation. That would include reporting you,” Pete said.

Jamie looked at Pete with disbelief, “You want to report me to the government?”

“On the contrary,” Pete said. “I want to prevent them from ever finding out about you. So all medical treatment has to be done here from now on. If anything ever happens, you need to contact me immediately.”

“Of course,” Jamie said. “Anything else?”

“And I want you to talk to someone,” Pete added.

Jamie narrowed his eyes and asked, “About what?”

“I know someone who dealt with a lot of people who-”

“No,” Jamie said, shaking his head. “No, I’m not doing that.”

“It will only be once a week,” Pete began, but again Jamie cut him off.

“There is no way I’m going to talk to some stranger about myself,” Jamie said. “Also, how am I going to keep myself secret if I tell some stranger my life story.”

“He might be a stranger to you, but I trust him completely and so will you in time,” Pete said.

“I can deal with my problems alone just fine,” Jamie retorted.

“From the way I see it, you deal with your problems by saying nothing and hoping it will sort itself out,” Pete answered.

“If I refuse?”

“I cannot agree to you working here unless you agree to everything I have asked. You have gone through a great deal, and I need to be sure I can trust you in your new role,” Pete said.

“This is because of Jackie, isn’t it,” Jamie asked.

“Even if it was, it doesn’t change anything.”

Jamie pondered his answer for a moment before saying, “Then I have a request for you.”

“What is it?” Pete asked.

“The dimension canon, we need to destroy it,” Jamie said.

Looking at him in surprise, Pete asked, “What would be the point? It doesn’t work anymore and when it did, it was very useful.”

“You’re right, it doesn’t work now, but that doesn’t mean it can’t work again. Setting off the reality bomb weakened the fabric of reality between the dimensions, which made it possible for the dimension canon to work. But every time it was used, it ripped a hole in time. If the dimension cannon was ever used again, it could completely rip open that wall and risk splintering time. That would cause untold harm on both sides, if not a total collapse and destruction of both universes. I can’t let that happen. Also, before I left, I promised the Doctor I would destroy it, and I intend to keep that promise.”

“If it’s that dangerous, then I’ll get it organized immediately,” Pete immediately agreed.

“I want to supervise it personally,” Jamie requested.

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Pete agreed.

“But even if we destroy it and the plans, there is still the team who created it and who know how to do it again,” Jamie said thoughtfully. “I’ll have to ensure they can never build it again.”

Pete raised his eyebrows at what Jamie was suggesting. “What are you implying?”

“Not what you are thinking. I’m not thinking of killing them, I’m thinking about separating them. And maybe use a little drug the Torchwood on my side has called retcon.”

“Retconning? That might be difficult because of the amount of time they worked on it, but we can arrange for the team to be transferred to different divisions around the Earth. They are all the leading scientists in their fields and I’ll make sure they are welcomed wherever they go.”

“Thank you,” Jamie said, pleased.

“Was that your only request?” Pete asked.

“Yes,” Jamie confirmed.

“Good,” Pete said, before standing up. He walked over to his desk and pressed a button on his phone. “Please get Jake to come up to my office.”

“Right away sir,” Jamie heard the disembodied voice say.

Pete picked up a tablet from his desk and began tapping on it. Seeming satisfied, he walked back over with a smile. He sat down before saying, “I have everything set up for you, including a new identity.”

“You have it set up?” Jamie asked.

“I thought you might want to work here, so I got everything ready just in case,” Pete said.

Pete handed over the tablet he was holding and Jamie took it and began reading through his profile.

As he read, Pete said, “Your birthplace is Greenock. You were orphaned at a young age and have no other relatives. You were sent to boarding school paid for by your parents' estate after their passing. But you might see, I’ve left your parents' name blank.”

“Sydney and Verity,” Jamie said without hesitation.

“Okay,” Pete said. “We will make the change.”

Continuing, Pete said, “Several cities were wiped out during the Lumberg wars, and one of them was Greenock. So it will be hard for anyone to find out anything about your past. That’s also the reason I choose St Andrews as your university.”

Jamie scrolled down and saw he was listed as having a graduate degree in astronomy and astrophysics, with a PhD in astrophysics.

“To cover the last few years, we put you were conducting top-secret research for Torchwood across England before being transferred to London when the war ended.”

“What are all these pictures?” Jamie asked, scrolling through several edited pictures of himself across the world.

“Jackie thought it a good idea to make you an avid traveller before starting your position here,” Pete said.

“You have been very thorough,” Jamie commented before he smirked. “You were always going to let me work for Torchwood, weren’t you?”

“I’ll never admit to that,” Pete said. “But even if you chose not to work here, we wanted you to have everything you need to live the life you chose.”

Jamie smiled with appreciation, realizing just how much Pete was doing for him. “Thank you.”

Pete smiled back and said, “Now there is only one thing left to do.”

“Which is?”

Pete extended out his hand and said, “Welcome to Torchwood Agent Noble.”

Jamie smiled and took his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose the name Sydney and Verity because in "Human Nature", the Doctor as the human John Smith referred to his parents are Sydney and Verity. This was a tribute to Sydney Newman and Verity Lambert which was a nice nod, so included it here.
> 
> Next chapter: Getting Started


	7. Getting started

When Pete released Jamie's hand, he warned, “Don’t think just because you’re dating my daughter, I’m going to go easy on you. I will expect you to follow the rules just like everyone else.” 

Jamie smirked and replied, “I wouldn’t expect anything else.”

Jamie heard a beeping sound, and Pete touched his ear and listened before saying, “Send him in.”

The doors opened, and Jake walked in and stopped in surprise the moment he laid eyes on Jamie. 

“Say hello to your new teammate Jake,” Pete said with a smile.

Jake looked Jamie over in astonishment, “Our new teammate is the Doctor?” 

“He prefers to be called Jamie Noble,” Pete corrected. “It’s a bit of a long story but Jamie will get you up to speed.”

“Hi Jake,” Jamie said, breaking out into a smile. 

“Hi,” Jake said, still stunned. 

“His ID badge and file are with Anya,” Pete continued. “I’m trusting you to get him settled in and to keep his real identity a secret.”

“I’ll take care of him,” Jake answered. 

“Okay get to it, then. I actually have a lot of work to get done if I want to leave here at a reasonable hour,” Pete said before turning to walk back to his desk.

They walked out of Pete’s office and Jake picked up Jamie’s things from Pete’s secretary, before heading to the elevator. Once in the elevators, Jake turned to Jamie and asked, “How are you here?”

“I came back with Rose,” Jamie explained. He gave Jamie a significantly abbreviated explanation of everything which led him to this point as they went to join their team mates. 

“Nothing is ever simple with you is it,” Jake stated once Jamie finished, as they stood outside their team’s base of operations. 

Jamie scoffed and said, “Why be simple when you can be extraordinary.”

“I guess you’ve got a point,” Jake agreed. “Before we go in, I have a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Mickey, he decided to stay in his universe,” Jake said more as a statement than a question. 

“Yes,” Jamie confirmed. 

“Did he seem happy to be back?” he asked. 

“Yeah, he has some really good people around him,” Jamie said. He knew how Jake had felt about Ricky and guessed he probably came to care deeply for Mickey too. 

“Good,” Jake said with a twinge of sadness before slipping back into a more impassive persona. “You’ll be meeting the other two members of our team. Most teams have four members and on the rare occasion five, depending on the assignment. I’m our Team Lead. Rose sometimes joins us as the fifth member but she hasn’t for a long time. At least not since she formed a second team to create and test the dimension cannon. She also regularly liaises with teams in western Europe.”

Jamie smiled, impressed. “She’s kept busy.”

“She has,” Jake agreed before waving his badge on their door and walking into their base office to find two men crouched over a table and examining something. 

“Guys this is the new member of our team, Jamie Noble,” Jake introduced. The two men looked up, and Jamie saw an uncanny resemblance in one of them.

“This is Connor Sumners, our medic,” Jake said, pointing to a medium-sized man with a stocky build and red hair. “And that is Ian Chesterton, our science and tech expert,” he said, pointing to a tall slender man with brown hair.”

“Ian Chesterton?” Jamie repeated. 

“Yes, Ian Chesterton Jr,” Ian said, now keeping his eyes focused on what he was looking at.

“After your father?” asked Jamie. 

“Yes,” Ian nodded.

“And your mother’s name?” Jamie continued to ask.

“Barbra,” Ian answered, still not looking up. “They used to be teachers before they retired. Did you know them?” 

“Nope,” Jamie denied despite knowing their counterparts in the other universe. 

“I guess I’m not important then,” Connor said, giving Jamie an assessing look. 

“I never said that,” Jamie answered. 

Connor looked at Jamie sceptically as he said, “And you’re Mickey’s replacement.”

Jamie could not help but smile a little when he thought of how Mickey was when he first met him and the man he now was. He felt himself feeling an irrational sense of pride. 

“What’s so funny?” Connor asked.

“I’m just happy to see he made such loyal friends here,” Jamie said.

“You’ve got big shoes to fill. Mickey was one of the bravest men I knew who would do anything for his friends,” Connor stated.

“Cool it, Connor,” Jake said.

“Just saying he has a lot to live up to,” Connor defended. 

“I don’t doubt it,” Jamie said, maintaining his cheerfulness despite Connor’s obvious confrontational manner. “But now it’s time we all got to work.” 

“On what?” Jake asked.

“Destroying the dimension cannon,” Jamie said.

“And now he is giving orders,” Connor muttered. 

“For what reason?” Jake asked, not acknowledging Connor’s statement. 

“Every time you use it, you run the risk of causing both universes to collapse in on each other,” Jamie said.

“Seriously?” Connor said in surprise.

“What do you need us to do?” Jake asked.

“Pete will be splitting up the team who built it and it’s our job to make sure we destroy the cannon,” Jamie said. 

“Just blow it up,” Connor offered. “Quick and simple.”

Jamie looked over at Ian who had not said much since the initial introduction and noticed he seemed really immersed in examining the object in front of him. 

“It’s not that simple,” Jamie said, walking over to Ian and Connor.

He saw the object Ian was so fixated on was a small coppery, coin-like object with an indescribable geometry. It was contained in a glass case with extendable hand fixtures to handle it. 

“That’s the Amok,” Jamie stated. 

“The what?” Ian asked briefly pausing before he went back to turning the object around over and over to try and get a sense of what it was. 

“The Amok,” Jamie repeated stepping in closer. “It’s an advanced multi-dimensional puzzle. If you look at it too long, it creates the desire to try and solve it. Like the way you keep flipping it continuously.”

Ian barely paused as he continued to examine it. Connor, who had not been concentrating on it, also turned to look at it. Jamie saw a jacket laying nearby, so he walked over and grabbed it and threw it over the object to block Ian and Connor from looking at it. Ian looked up in surprise when Jamie did so as if he had just broken him out of a trance. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Ian said with sudden anger, trying to remove the jacket. However, Jamie held down the jacket. 

“It’s too complex for humans to understand, so any human who tries to solve it eventually goes insane,” Jamie said.

“How do you know that,” Ian asked, still looking angry.

“Ian? What’s gotten into you?” Jake asked.

“It’s okay,” Jamie said. “This is one of the side effects. He will cool down soon enough.”

“I need to cool down?” Ian asked, looking about ready to punch Jamie.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Connor said, as he steered Ian away from Jamie and out of reach of the Amok.

“How did you find it?” Jamie asked. 

“In a bar in Cardiff,” Connor explained. “A riot broke out over it, but we couldn’t figure out where it came from, despite its obvious alien origin. When we tried to question those involved in the fighting, all of them just kept demanding we return it.”

“Best no one looks at it from now on,” Jamie said. 

“Good idea,” Jake agreed as he jokingly added, “I don’t want to have to look for another replacement when we only just got Mickey’s position filled. 

“Very funny Jake,” Connor said, his words dripping with sarcasm. 

“It’s too dangerous to have it stored away when someone could find it again, so once I’m done with the dimension cannon, I will solve the puzzle and have it destroyed,” Jamie said.

“I thought you said humans could not solve it,” Ian said, still looking annoyed.

“It’s a good thing I’m only half-human,” Jamie smiled. 

“What?!” Connor and Ian said in surprise. 

Jake sighed, thinking about how it had not been even ten minutes and Jamie was already telling people he was not completely human. At least he could trust his team to keep it a secret. 

“And that information does not leave this room,” Jake said seriously. Adding an explanation, he continued, “This is the Doctor, sort of.”

“The Doctor?” Connor said in surprise again. 

“Sort of?” Ian asked. 

Jamie almost laughed again at his teammates’ reaction. He knew he was supposed to keep his identity a secret, but he knew it was better to get this out of the way now. He knew sooner or later they were bound to find out anyway.

“There are two of us. One in that universe and me here. But I’m half-human,” Jamie explained.

“Two?” Connor restated and seemed more confused than before. “How does that work?”

“Let’s hold off on the questions for now,” Jake stated. “We have a job to do which involves destroying the dimension cannon. But maybe Ian should sit this out.”

“I’m fine,” Ian said. “What do you need us to do?” 

“Let’s go and I’ll show you,” Jamie said before abruptly walking out of the room. 

But as the others went to follow him out, Jamie popped his head back in and asked, “Actually, where are you storing it?”

___

After an hour of combing through all of Torchwood’s databases across Earth and deleting all information on the dimension cannon, they spent another two hours tracing all information on governments who may have information or plans on the cannon and began removing that as well. The same went for any private organizations who may have gathered any information on it. They did all this without leaving any trace of Torchwood’s involvement in the data breaches. 

“What’s that sound,” Ian asked looking at Jamie who was beeping. 

“Oh this,” Jamie said, holding up his hand to show them his wrist. 

“Did you pick that up in the stone ages?” Connor asked, also looking at Jamie’s wrist.

“It's like a diabetes thing,” Jamie said, silencing it.

“Why don’t we all take a break,” Jake offered, rubbing his eyes. He wasn’t an expert on this and was not enjoying the work. “We’ve been working for hours.”

“That’s a good idea,” Ian readily agreed, feeling more like himself again. As the tech expert for the team, he was used to working long hours staring at a computer, but Jamie was not only infinitely better and faster than him, he was also way more intense.

“Talk about a slave driver,” Connor said under his breath as he stood up to leave without waiting for everyone’s agreement. 

“You guys go ahead,” Jamie said, still concentrating. “I want to make sure we get this finished today.”

Jake looked at Jamie disapprovingly, “It’s your first day here, you don’t have to kill yourself working. Plus the boss is going to kill me if you collapse on me.”

“I’m not going to collapse,” Jamie said dismissively. “I just want to get this finished.”

Jamie smiled to himself, loving the feeling of having something to focus his mind on. He had been idle for too long and had not realized how restless he had become to do something until he started working. He had forgotten how much he liked solving problems.

“Come on, Jamie,” Connor urged from the door. “Jake is clearly not going to let us leave without you. Just come and have a quick bite in the cafeteria and then we will all come right back to it.” 

Before Jamie gave a response, they heard the door to the facility open.

“This place is restricted, who let-,” Jamie began as he lifted his head at the noise but broke off. “Rose!” 

Jamie said her name with a smile, happy to see her, but Rose did not return the smile. 

“What is going on here?” Rose demanded as she looked around the room. 

“Rose what are you doing here?” Jamie asked, maintaining his cheerful demeanour despite Rose’s icy entrance. 

“That’s what I want to ask you,” Rose said, turning to face Jamie.

Still smiling, Jamie said to his teammates, “Why don’t you guys go on ahead, I’ll catch up to you.” 

Jake nodded and motioned to the others to follow him, and they all left, leaving Jamie and Rose alone. 

Once they were alone. Jamie dropped his cheerful façade and stood up to walk towards Rose as she also approached him. 

“Rose, what’s wrong?” Jamie asked.

“What gives you the right to do this?” Rose demanded standing face to face.

“The right to do what?” he asked, confused.

“To take over my project and destroy it without telling me,” she demanded.

Rose had spent the day in meetings, getting updated on everything she had missed since the last day she had been at work. She had left her briefings in a fairly cheerful mood, expecting to find Jamie with her team, only to find out her father had assigned him to another team. She had been more than a little upset when she found that out after being excited at the prospect of working with Jamie. She had already started to envision things returning to how they were when she had been at the Doctor’s side in the Tardis.

But when she went to convince her father to put Jamie on her team, she instead found out all the work she had done over the last year was being destroyed without her knowledge or consent. 

“The dimension cannon?” Jamie asked, still confused at Rose’s apparent anger.

“Yes, the cannon,” Rose said exasperated. “Who gave you the right to destroy it.”

“Rose, you know as well as I do, the problems inter-dimensional travel has caused this world,” Jamie answered.

“We have overcome those problems,” Rose said, still upset. “I was able to travel to our universe multiple times without issue, and it’s the reason we were able to stop the Daleks.”

“Rose,” Jamie said gently, “the Daleks are gone and the universe isn’t ending anymore. We made sure of that.”

“You mean you did,” Rose snapped. 

Jamie frowned, still not understanding Rose’s anger and hurt by her obvious criticism of his actions to stop the Daleks. 

“But even so, who knows what could happen in the future,” she stated.

“It’s true, we don’t know what will happen in the future, but it doesn’t change anything. The fact is that using the dimension cannon is still too dangerous,” Jamie said, trying to remain calm. 

“How can you say it’s too dangerous when you never tried to come up with a solution first,” Rose asked. 

“Because there would be no point in trying,” Jamie said, which only seemed to anger Rose even more. So Jamie explained, “You were only able to travel between universes because the Daleks were destroying the fabric between all realities. That destruction created a bridge for you to pass through to our world. But every time you used that bridge, you were further destroying what little was keeping the realities apart. Can you imagine what would happen if that bridge collapsed?” 

“Then why didn’t you say that to me. You could have told me that,” Rose said, still upset. 

“I never… It didn’t cross my mind to tell you,” Jamie admitted.

“Exactly, instead you did it behind my back,” Rose said, feeling a sense of betrayal. When she had been with the Doctor, they had always done everything together as a team. So how could Jamie shut her out? 

“I wasn’t trying to exclude you or hide it from you. I just didn’t think you would care,” Jamie said defensively.

“It never occurred to you that I would care?” Rose said in disbelief and getting more upset. “When you know full well how hard I worked on this project. That it was my only way home?”

Jamie’s eyes narrowed as understanding began to dawn on him. He almost scoffed as he asked, “Is that why you are so upset? You want a way to get back to the other universe.” 

Rose paused seeming to realize she had made a misstep. 

She took a deep breath and said. “You are removing the only way we could get home forever. I have a right to be upset.” 

Jamie could almost understand how she felt. He felt trapped here too, but he strongly suspected her reasons had everything to do with the Doctor. 

“I know how you feel, but can you imagine the type of damage you could cause if the dimension cannon was to ever work again. The first time you jumped between dimensions it almost brought the whole world to a boiling point. The second time, it started tearing apart the divide between the dimensions which is now only holding on by threads.”

“But what if something happens again and we can’t handle it?” Rose asked.

Jamie paused having just got confirmation of what he was suspecting.

“You mean what if we need him again,” Jamie clarified, also feeling himself becoming upset. This had nothing to do with him and everything to do with her still wanting to get back to the Doctor. “You mean what are we going to do if I can’t handle it.”

“That’s not what I said,” Rose said defensively. 

“But that’s what you meant,” Jamie said.

“You are putting words in my mouth,” Rose began to say but Jamie cut in.

“Am I? Like you don’t think I’m not as good as him,” Jamie accused.

“You know that’s not true,” Rose defended. “I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to, it’s obvious,” Jamie stated almost shouting. 

“Jamie…,” Rose said, seeming to finally take a breath and trying to calm things between them. “The dimension cannon was the only chance we had to get back to the other side if anything were ever to happen here.” 

“You mean it was your only chance to get back to the Doctor again,” Jamie again restated. 

“Stop making this about me and him,” Rose said again, losing her temper with Jamie as he twisted her words around.

“Like it isn’t about you and the love you’re still holding for him,” Jamie accused. 

“What’s wrong with me loving the Doctor,” Rose demanded. “I’ve never denied loving him or said I would ever stop.” 

Jamie heard the band on his wrist begin to beep so he looked at it angrily and ripped it off his hand and threw it down before crushing it underfoot.

Rose almost recoiled at his show of anger, despite it not being directed at her. 

Jamie took a deep breath and asked, “What do you think would happen if you used the dimension canon to get back to him? Do you think he would be happy to see you again?”

“What are you implying?” Rose demanded. 

“Do you think he would thank you for ripping apart both universes to get back to him?” Jamie asked. 

The tone of Jamie’s voice set Rose on edge, causing her to clench her fists in anger. “You think I wouldn’t do more if I ever got the chance to be with him again.” 

Jamie felt the words like a dagger to his heart and acted on impulse to lash out as well. “Do you think the Doctor is waiting around for you? Even when you saw he had moved on without you. You need to grow up and see reality. He was happy without you. He doesn't need you anymore. There is no one waiting for you on the other side.”

Jamie barely saw Rose move before he felt her hand struck his face. He stumbled back from the force of the impact and his hand reached for his cheek which stung. 

Without another word, Rose walked out of the room without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Refocus


	8. Refocus

Jamie walked down a deserted street, unsure of what to do next. The place was eerily silent, and there was no sign of life anywhere, just deserted cars and empty storefronts. It made him feel like he was the only person left on the planet. 

But he did not care about the emptiness he only cared about finding one person. The one person he needed to talk to and set things right. But he had no clue where she was or how to find her. He also had no idea what to say when he did find her, he thought helplessly. But he continued walking down the street and hoping the solution would come to him.

But then the eerie silence was broken by the sound of footsteps behind him.

Jamie spun around, unsure what to expect. Down the street, he saw Rose slowly walking towards him. As soon as he saw her, he froze in place, feeling unsure of what to do next. But when Rose flashed him a brilliant smile, his heart seemed to kick start. 

He remembered that smile, it had once always been directed at him, however, he had yet to see that smile as he was now. It was all just memories of another life until now. But that was all he wanted, he wanted her, for her to look at him in that way. To look at him like she loved him. 

Rose continued to smile at him, and when Rose began running towards him, he felt his body also move involuntarily and start running towards her. A smile spread out across his lips as hope for a better future seemed to stretch out before him. Jamie knew all he had to do was reach Rose, and then everything would be okay.

With only a few short metres separating them, he saw something out of the corner of his eyes. But Jamie did not take his eyes off Rose until she looked to the side and her smile slipped away. Jamie also turned to look at what had caught her attention.

What he saw was a sinister shadow coming out of a dark part of the alley and heading towards him. He felt himself go numb in terror as a flash of light came from the shadow. It hit him in the chest, and Jamie felt a searing pain pierce through his body as he felt himself falling.

As soon as he hit the ground, Jamie knew he was dying. He also knew there was nothing he could do to stop his death. The pain continued to shoot through his body, engulfing him in agony as Jamie felt his life slowly seeping out of him. He tried to call out to Rose, but no words came out, no matter how much he screamed. Still, he tried to look for Rose, but she was gone. He was alone.

Tears sprung to his eyes as he realized he was going to die on this street alone. But he did not want it to end like this. He did not want to go. Not yet.

___

Jamie woke up shivering and in a cold sweat, as tears streamed down his face. He sat up, feeling his breathing coming out in laboured breaths as the pain ebbed through his chest. He looked down at his chest, expecting to see a gaping wound, but there was nothing there.

His hand pressed against his chest and the damp fabric felt cold to the touch. It was another dream. Another memory his mind had distorted. This time it was when the Doctor had met Rose and was shot by a Dalek. 

He cursed the human side of his brain, which he blamed as the cause of the horrible nightmares. He had to wonder whether this was something humans had to deal with regularly. Because he hated it. He hated that part of himself. 

As a Time Lord, he had been able to compartmentalise his memories more effectively. But now, he was having a hard time, especially in his sleep when his defences seemed to slip away easily. He also did not have the Tardis who made his job easier and soothed him. He missed her and felt the familiar ache of longing to be in the Tardis again.

But he also knew things had been better for the last few days. His dreams had not been so vivid and intense as the first few nights since arriving in this universe. But today, his dream was a regression to his first night. On some level, he also knew guilt had fueled the regression of his nightmares. 

He looked across to his bedside table and saw the time. It was almost time for him to get up and go to work. Knowing it was pointless waiting, he jumped out of bed and went to get ready. 

As Jamie got ready, he thought about what had happened the previous day. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became at himself. He should not have let his emotions get the best of him to the point they had. He regretted what he had said and wished he could take it all back. 

After Rose left, he had not followed her, which was a mistake. He had stayed put and continued working until his team came back. No one asked him what had happened. Jake had only handed him a packed lunch and ordered him to eat. However, Jamie had barely picked at the food, having lost his appetite, and eventually tossed it. 

It was late by the time they finished removing any trace of the dimension cannon project and had the cannon disassembled and destroyed. But as everyone else went home, Jamie chose to stay behind. At first he had triple checked that all servers were wiped clean and all data across the globe had been deleted. But even when he was done, he still found he could not bring himself to go home.

Instead, he stood in the empty hanger pacing the space aimlessly. Feeling horrible about the way he acted as he thought over his argument with Rose.

He stopped and looked up at the ceiling wondering how he had let the argument get so out of hand. He should have reacted better. Not let himself get so emotional. But in the moment, he could not stop the words from pouring out of his mouth like fiery blades meant to hurt. 

He sighed and looked up at the ceiling again, wishing he could turn back time. He closed his eyes and imagined he could do so and how he would act differently. 

“Rosita!” 

Jamie's eyes shot open as he heard someone call out the name. He turned around to see a woman with a head full of black hair running down an alleyway, as a cloak flapped behind her. Jamie had no idea who the woman was and who had called her name. 

“Working late?” he heard another voice say. 

Jamie turned again and saw Pete standing by the door. But he turned back to Rosita's retreating figure only to find she had disappeared.

“What are you looking at?” Pete asked as he walked into the room.

“Nothing,” Jamie said as he faced Pete again. 

“Why are you still here? You don’t have to spend the night working to show your dedication,” Pete joked. 

Jamie could not seem to match Pete’s lighthearted mood and instead felt himself tensing up. He was not sure if Pete had heard about his argument with Rose, but he relaxed somewhat when he saw Pete smile. 

“You’re still here too,” Jamie replied.

“But I’m trying to lead by example,” Pete quipped. Becoming serious, he asked, “Rough first day?”

“Can you tell?” Jamie asked with a weak smile.

Pete paused for a moment before he said, “I’m heading home. I can give you a ride?” When he saw Jamie hesitate, he asked, “Or are you avoiding home?”

“Something like that,” Jamie admitted.

“You know you can’t hide here forever,” Pete said.

“I know,” Jamie agreed.

“Then come on,” Pete said.

Pete started walking back out and Jamie decided to follow. Pete was right, he could not hide forever.  
Jamie followed Pete to his car and got in. They drove out of Torchwood HQ which was now devoid of protesters and headed down the street. But instead of turning right, which led to the Tyler’s house, they turned left. 

Jamie looked around and asked, “Aren’t we heading in the wrong direction?” 

“I didn’t say we were going home right away,” Pete replied as he looked over with a smile. “Just sit tight.”

They both fell back into silence, and Jamie looked out the car window as the fancy storefronts found in central London turned into less glamorous buildings the further they drove. 

After a while, Pete looked over at Jamie and said, “I used to live in this part of London. Jackie and I had a small flat in the Powell Estate, but at the time there was nothing more I wanted than to leave that tiny flat and make it big. Funny thing is I did.”

“Why do I sense a ‘but’ coming on,” Jamie asked. 

“Because I sometimes miss that flat,” Pete admitted. 

Jamie remembered that small flat. As the Doctor, he had not spent much time there. He was always anxious for the next adventure. But when he thought of that flat, he only remembered happy memories. 

“Here we are,” Pete said, pulling around to the back of a pub, which kept his car out of sight. “Jackie doesn’t know, but I still come here sometimes. So let’s keep this between us.”

“Your secret's safe with me,” Jamie promised. 

Pete smiled before he jumped out of the car and walked in through the back door as Jamie followed behind him. Pete said hello to the cook at the stove as he walked through into the pub. He chose a place at the far end of the bar and sat down.

There were quite a few people inside, but they all seemed busy in their own world, laughing and talking with their friends. The bartender saw them sit down, and he walked over.

“I haven’t seen you around here for a while. What brings you here?” he asked. 

“Just wanted a drink with a friend,” Pete said motioning to Jamie. “Can we get two.”

“Sure thing,” the man said as he walked away and began filling up two glasses with Guinness. He brought the filled glasses back to them and placed one glass in front of each of them.

“Enjoy,” he said before leaving them alone again. 

Pete picked up his drink and took a long drink.

Jamie eyed the dark frothy liquid before he took a sip, and proceeded to splatter out the drink all over himself which drew a few laughs from the bartender and the man he was now chatting with across the bar. 

“Not much of a drinker,” Pete observed as Jamie nodded while wiping his mouth. Pete reached over the bar counter to grab a few paper napkins which he gave to Jamie.

“Thanks,” Jamie said gratefully as he wiped himself down and wiped the counter. 

“Why do you still come here?” Jamie asked when he had finished cleaning.

Pete frowned in thought and said, “I like the bar.”

“There are hundreds of bars across London and quite a few a lot closer to home,” Jamie said.

“You’re right,” Pete said, “and of those hundreds of bars, this is the only one I feel comfortable in.”

“Why is that?” 

“Because it’s what I know. The people, the place, the drink,” Pete said lifting his glass and taking another sip. “It also reminds me of who I once was and who I sometimes long to be again.”

Jamie thought about that for a moment. 

“Not Pete Tyler head of Torchwood but just be Pete Tyler?” Jamie asked.

“Exactly,” Pete confirmed. 

Jamie could understand the longing to be who you once were or to live a life you once lived.

“I heard Rose went to see you earlier,” Pete said, looking forward and not elaborating on how much he knew about the fight.

“She did,” Jamie confirmed. 

After taking another swing of his drink, Pete turned his head to look at Jamie before asking, “Jamie, what are your feelings for Rose?”

“I love her,” Jamie said without hesitation. He still was not sure about a lot of things but he was sure about that.

“Are you sure?” Pete asked, looking at him squarely.

“Of course,” Jamie said with confidence.

“And you think you can make her happy?” Pete asked. 

Jamie was about to answer him but Pete spoke first, “I want you to think long and hard before you give me an answer.”

Pete again turned away and picked up his drink for another swing.

Jamie watched him as he now considered the question. He knew he loved Rose without question, but after today he was not sure how she felt about him. He was only confident that Rose loved the Doctor, she had admitted that herself. But did that automatically mean she loved him too? He knew Rose would make him happy but could he make her happy if she did not love him?

Absentmindedly, he picked up the drink in front of him and took a sip before noticing what he was doing and again coughed up his drink.

“You okay?” Pete asked, patting his back. 

Jamie nodded his head feeling his cheeks become inflamed in embarrassment. 

Pete again looked at Jamie and said, “I love my family and would do anything to protect them, so don’t take what I’m about to say in the wrong way.”

Jamie nodded as he waited for Pete to continue.

“I want you to be certain that you’re thinking about what is best for Rose. She might not show it, but she has been through a lot these last few years and I don't want to see her hurt again. If you are trying to force the past, then I’m asking you to let her go.”

“Are you asking me to break up with her?” Jamie asked, taken aback by Pete’s words. He had always assumed Pete supported their relationship.

“I’m only asking you to think about why you want to be with her,” Pete said. “If it's only because of the past and what you think you shared, then I want you to think about whether you are both really happy or just hurting each other.”

Jamie hesitated, trying to think of a diplomatic response. “I respect where you’re coming from but there is no need to worry. We are bound to have our disagreements but we will work through them.”

Pete smiled but he knew that even though Jamie had heard him, he would also do what he wanted. He knew the type of person Jamie was, he had seen it in the Doctor when he had first met him. They were the type to believe in themselves and do their hardest to achieve what they wanted. He just hoped it would lead to Rose’s happiness. 

Pete took a big swing from his drink and turned to face Jamie. “I have to admit, I did consider the tactic of taking you out back with a few friends and using the 'if you hurt my daughter speech'."

“And do you think that would have been effective?” Jamie asked.

Pete scoffed, “No.”

Pete finished off his drink and took out his wallet, removing a few bills and placed them under his empty glass. He got the bartender’s attention and waved goodbye. 

“Let’s go before it gets too late,” Pete suggested before standing up and making his way back where he came.

When they arrived back at the Tyler household, everything was quiet. Jamie knew he had to speak to Rose but he could not bring himself to talk to her yet. He knew it was cowardly but as the night wore on, the more he regretted what he had said. 

He had let his temper get the best of him, and he had lashed out to hurt her feelings as she had hurt him. It shocked him that he had reacted that way to her, the one person he thought he would always protect. It also stung to think that if it had been the Doctor, he would never have said those things.

So he headed up to his bedroom and threw himself on his bed. He stared up at the blank ceiling and thought about how he could get things so wrong. Today was supposed to have played out so much more different than it did, but somehow, he had managed to mess it up. 

He thought back to the words the Doctor and Rose had exchanged on the beach. 

_“He's too dangerous to be left on his own… You were born in battle, full of blood and anger and revenge…”, the Doctor said._

____

__

_“But he's not you,” Rose answered. ___

____

____

The Doctor's words had angered him at the time but he was starting to think there was some truth to their words.

___

When Jamie arrived back at Torchwood HQ, he got Jake and headed to the shooting range within the building for use by Torchwood personnel. 

When everything was ready, Jamie picked up a handgun, aimed at the target and fired off a round of shots. He continued firing until the chamber was empty. Only when all the bullets were gone, did Jamie place the gun back down. He retrieved the target and examined it. 

Jake, who was standing beside him with his own gun, looked over in surprise. The sheet had one single hole in the very centre of the target. His own sheet has a splattering of bullet holes distributed around the centre of the sheet.

Jamie crumbled up the sheet and threw it away without a word, before replacing the sheet. He looked at the array of weapons on the table beside him, which held a sniper rifle, two assault rifles and two standard-issue pistols. Jamie was not interested in testing the other pistol, so he picked up the Colt M4A1 Carbine assault rifle. 

It was lighter than Jamie expected, but it was easy to handle. He extended the telescoping stock for better accuracy and looked down his scope at the target which had been pulled further back than before.

Jamie stared down the scope and pulled back the trigger in short bursts until half the magazine was left. He looked down the field and was positive he had hit the target again.

He brought back the sheet which confirmed his assumption. Every shot had hit the bullseye. But once again, it did not give him any form of satisfaction. 

He picked up a sniper rifle and aimed again. He had come here to get away from speaking with anyone and to think. The noise-cancelling headset gave him the silence he needed from the outside world, but it did not help with silencing the competing voices in his head. 

He looked down the gun's scope again and shot in a circle around the target until a section of the sheet fell off, leaving a perfect circle. Jamie lowered the gun and looked out at the range, hearing nothing but silence and still not having made a decision.

He brought the target back again and felt a tap on his shoulder. Jamie turned around to see Jake motioning for him to remove his headset so he did.

“I didn’t know the Doctor knew how to shoot a gun,” Jake said in surprise but also impressed.

Jamie looked over at the target and said, “Just because he doesn’t carry one doesn’t mean he can’t use it.”

“Now that I know you can use one, why don’t we try out our more powerful weapons? I wouldn’t have been able to clear you before you completed mandatory training, but I see that’s not necessary,” Jake offered. 

“I’m not getting a gun,” Jamie sighed, before removing his eye protection and vest, placing them on the table.

“What?” Jake asked, once again surprised.

“I don’t need or want a gun,” Jamie stated. 

“Then why did you bother coming here?” Jake asked. 

“I needed to let off some steam and clear my head,” he answered. He patted Jake on the shoulder and walked past him and left. Not waiting to help him put away all the equipment and weapons he brought.

When a disgruntled Jake caught up with Jamie a little while later, he insisted Jamie needed to have his medical evaluation completed before he could do any fieldwork. Still not feeling like he could focus on any work, Jamie agreed and followed Jake down to the medical wing of Torchwood. 

When they arrived, he saw a woman about their age with curly brunette hair looking over some files. As soon as she spotted them, her face lit up in excitement. 

“Hello Chrissy,” Jake said in greeting. “This is our new teammate Jamie.” 

The doctor stood up and approached them with a big smile. 

“You are finally here,” she said. 

“This is Doctor Christina Yang,” Jake introduced. “She is our top medical scientist on everything extra-terrestrial. You’ll be in good hands here.”

“You can just say alien,” Christina said, looking over Jamie like a new exotic specimen. She extended her hand and Jamie shook it, “It is very nice to meet you, Mr Noble. I prefer to be called Christina, but if that’s too personal, you can call me Dr Yang.”

“Not Chrissy?” Jamie asked.

“No,” she said flatly despite continuing to smile. “Now if you have no further questions, I would like to get to work right away.”

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Jake said with a smile before turning to leave.

“If you’ll follow me. I have to run a few preliminary scans before we get into the more interesting stuff,” Christina said, with barely contained excitement.

Jamie had to lie still as Christina performed several full-body scans which took forever. Next, she sat him in a chair and began taking vials of his blood. 

After taking several samples and beginning to feel pain in his arm, Jamie asked, “Are so many samples really necessary?”

“Of course,” Christina said without hesitation. “We have to run a number of tests to establish your baseline blood chemistry and isolate any anomalies which may arise. And of course, we have to run duplicate tests for accuracy, but we can stop here for today. We need to run other tests and we can’t have you collapsing.”

Jamie smiled until Christina handed him a set of clothes to change into. After changing, Christina stuck on several monitoring devices and made him get on a treadmill. She then had him perform a series of fitness tests until Jake waltzed back into the medical lab.

“Having fun,” Jake asked cheerfully.

Jamie shot him a dirty look as he wiped the sweat off his brow, unable to say anything as his mouth and nose were covered in a mask to monitor his oxygen levels as he ran.

“Sorry Chrissy, but Jamie has another appointment,” Jake said. 

“What! But I’m not finished!” Christina protested as Jamie brought the treadmill to a stop. 

“There are showers over there,” Jake said, pointing to a set of doors. 

Without hesitation, Jamie headed to the showers and ignored Christina’s furious remarks to Jake. When he had changed back into his clothes, he met Jake outside. 

“Remember we have not completed your tests, so you have to come back,” Christina called to him as they left. 

As they headed down a corridor, Jamie asked, “Are you getting back at me for something?”

“Why would I want to do that?” Jake asked innocently. 

“That's why I’m asking.”

“Of course not,” Jamie denied. 

“Where are we headed now?” 

“You’ll see in a moment,” Jake said as he abruptly stopped at a door and opened it, motioning for Jamie to walk in. 

Jamie walked in and saw a man sitting down on a chair. The man stood up and smiled, but Jamie looked back at Jake for an explanation which was not forthcoming. 

“Sorry mate,” Jake said before closing the door and leaving Jamie inside. 

Confused, Jamie looked at the man with dark skin and close-cropped hair and an open smile “It’s nice to meet you, Jamie, my name is Sam.”

Sam extended his hand and Jamie reluctantly shook his hand, feeling ambushed. 

“You can take a seat,” Sam said motioning to the empty chair across from him. 

Jamie sat down and looked at the man suspiciously, still confused at why he was here and why Jake needed to apologize before he left. 

Still smiling, Sam asked, “I’m assuming you weren’t told who I was before you came here.” 

Jamie nodded his head, still unsure of what was happening.

The man smiled and introduced himself, “I’m Sam Wilson, a friend of Pete’s. He told me you were looking for someone you could talk to.”

When he realized what this was, Jamie made to stand but Sam quickly said, “I know you’re reluctant to talk but you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.”

Jamie paused and said, “I don’t need a psychiatrist-,” 

“I assure you, I’m not a psychiatrist, far from it actually,” Sam said which made him stop again.

“Then who are you?” Jamie sceptically asked, curious.

Giving Jamie a friendly smile, Sam replied, “As I said before, Pete said you needed someone other than family to talk to. Like a friend who will keep all your secrets. That’s what I’ll be. The person you can speak freely with.”

Jamie still eyed Sam suspiciously despite sitting back with his arms crossed. “And what if I don’t want to say anything?” 

“If you don’t want to talk then that’s fine. But I’m sure it’s going to be a couple of really boring weeks for both of us,” Sam answered.

“So you work with Torchwood?” Jamie asked.

“No,” Sam said. “I work part-time at the hospital as a physiotherapist and spend the rest of my time volunteering.”

“Volunteering? For what?” Jamie asked, his curiosity growing. 

“I mostly work with servicemen who fought during the troubles."

“You’re a war vet?” Jamie asked.

“Yes, I was an army reserve who was first called up right after the creation of Cybermen by Cybus Industries. I stayed active until they all just disappeared.”

“And that’s when you started volunteering?”

“There have been a lot of men and women who went through a lot during those times, and they haven’t had the support they needed,” Sam said. “So I set up a support group with meetings twice a week for anyone open to coming. But the group got too large and I had to start a new one and it just kept growing from there. I also started serving as a sponsor as I can relate to a lot of their experiences. But I can’t say I can relate to what you’ve been through.” 

Jamie smiled, knowing no one could. Not in this universe or the next. 

“So how did you meet Pete?” Jamie asked.

“One day Pete showed up at my door out of the blue. He said he had heard of the work I was doing and wanted me to work at Torchwood. I declined the offer, it's not my kind of scene. But he wanted to help with funding and asked me to set up a support group specifically for former Torchwood agents. We have been in contact ever since,” Sam explained.

“And that’s what this is, you’re my sponsor?” Jamie asked. 

“Or just a friend,” Jamie offered. “I come here, or anywhere else you like, once a week for an hour and we talk about whatever you like. And since I have told you a bit about myself, what about you tell me a bit about yourself.” 

“Don’t you already know everything,” Jamie asked. 

“I actually don’t know much. Pete said you come from another universe which is undoubtedly amazing. But you are also part alien which is doubly amazing.” 

“Pete trusted you with that information?” Jamie asked.

“Yes, he trusts me with a lot of things,” Sam said.

“I’m starting to see why,” Jamie said.

Jamie had wanted to hate Sam, but he was making it hard to. In fact, from their short conversation, he could already see himself inviting Sam for a trip on the Tardis. So when Jamie started talking, without meaning to, he found himself talking about how he travelled through time and space in the other universe. That he was much older than he looked. Of how he had a friend called Donna and all the fun they had together.

It all just slipped out of him. That he was surprised when Sam mentioned the time and how he had to leave. Or he would be late for his group meeting in the evening, meaning they had talked for well over two hours.

As they parted ways on the elevator, Jamie felt like he had made a friend. Something he had not expected. But it did feel nice to just talk and not worry about how the other person would react. It made him realize how much he had been holding back, especially when he was with Rose. 

He rode the elevator up to his team’s office feeling better. As the elevator doors opened and Jamie made to exit, he froze. Rose stood in front of him, looking at him unsure of what to do next. 

Making a decision, Jamie stepped out and asked, “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” Rose agreed and said, “I’ve got somewhere we can talk.”

Rose walked to the stairwell and led him up two flights of steps into a corridor. She walked down a few doors before stopping at one of them. She scanned her ID card, and the door opened. She let him walk in first before she closed the door.

Jamie walked into the room and Rose explained, “It’s my private office.”

They stood there staring at each and both unsure of where to begin. 

“About yesterday,” Jamie said as he decided to start. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said the things I did.”

“You shouldn’t have,” Rose agreed. "They were hurtful.”

“I know and I am sorry. I was angry and I know that is no excuse, but I didn’t mean any of it.”

Rose let out a sigh as if she had been holding her breath as he spoke. 

“I’m also sorry,” she said, holding her right hand. “About hitting you. Though you did sort of deserve it.”

“I know,” Jamie said as he unconsciously touched his cheek.

Rose looked down at her hands and took a breath before speaking again.

“About what I said… I didn’t say it to hurt you, but I did tell you the truth. I love the Doctor. I have loved him for years. That isn’t going to change.”

“I know,” Jamie said. “I would be an idiot to think otherwise. But can I ask something?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m correct in believing you’ve never viewed me and the Doctor as the same person?” Jamie asked. 

“No, I haven’t and neither have you,” Rose said. 

“So where does that leave us?” Jamie asked.

“I want to make it work between us,” Rose said. 

“You do?”

“Only if you are still willing to try,” Rose answered. 

“Of course I do,” Jamie said eagerly. 

Rose finally smiled and Jamie smiled back before moving closer and hugging her, which Rose readily accepted.

When they moved apart, Jamie again apologized. 

“You were also right, at least partly,” Rose conceded. “The dimension cannon needed to be destroyed.”

“Thank you for saying that,” Jamie said in reply. 

“Where were you coming from before?” Rose asked, curious. After not hearing from him all day she had gone looking for him.

“Why don’t I tell you over lunch,” Jamie answered. “I haven’t eaten anything all day.” 

Rose frowned at Jamie as she knew it was well after four in the afternoon. She looked at Jamie’s wrist and remembered he had ripped off his monitor yesterday. But not wanting to talk about their argument she smiled and said, “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shamelessly added two characters I loved, Christina Yang from Grey’s Anatomy and Sam Wilson from Marvel. Both characters fit perfectly into this story and I’m never going to write fics about them, so why not here. 
> 
> Next Chapter Title: Missing the mark.


	9. Missing the Mark

A few days after their argument, Jamie walked into the kitchen to find Pete making himself a cup of coffee to go. It was rare for Jamie to catch Pete in the morning as he generally left earlier than everyone, but he was on his way out. 

“Morning Pete,” Jamie said cordially as he walked in. 

“Good morning, you’re up early for once,” Pete said, closing his mug. 

“I was hoping to catch you before you left,” Jamie said. 

“Why? Did you need something?” Pete asked, stopping what he was doing. 

“I need a favour,” Jamie confessed. “Can you give me a pay advance?”

“If you need anything, let me know, and I can get it for you,” Pete said. 

“Thanks for the offer, but I think it would mean more if I paid for it myself,” Jamie said. But scratching the back of his head and becoming bashful, Jamie also added, “But it would be helpful if you could also get it for me. I’m not sure how to myself.”

“Name it,” Pete said readily.

“I need a high-powered telescope,” Jamie requested. 

“A telescope?” Pete asked surprised. 

“I’m planning a surprise,” Jamie said. “As an apology.”

“For Rose?” Pete asked. 

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Pete said without any further questions. “I’ll speak with Anya.”

“Thank you,” Jamie said with a smile. 

Anya, Pete’s secretary, got in touch with Jamie that morning and had a custom-made telescope delivered to his team’s office within a few days. But it took him another week to get it back to the house in secret without either Jackie or Rose seeing it. 

However, there was no way to hide his other purchase from everyone. 

The day it arrived, Rose had suggested getting dinner together. So they got home late to find Jackie waiting for them with a scowl on her face.

As soon as she saw them, Jackie walked straight to Jamie and slapped his arm.

“Ouch!” Jamie yelled in surprise and rubbed his arm in pain. “What’s that for?” 

“Do you want to get yourself killed?” Jackie asked.

“What?” Jamie asked pouting.

“Mum, what’s going on?” Rose asked.

“So you’re not in on this?” Jackie asked.

“In on what?” Rose asked confused.

Jackie looked at Jamie and asked, “Who helped you get a motorbike?”

Rose turned to Jamie in surprise. “You got a motorbike?” 

“Well...” he said.

“You never told me you were getting one,” Rose said surprised. “Or that you were even thinking of it.” 

“It was a spur of the moment purchase,” Jamie said shrugging. 

“Spur of the moment?” Rose asked dubiously.

“I should be slapping whoever helped you upside here to Ireland,” Jackie angrily said. 

“Your slaps really hurt,” Jamie said, still rubbing his arm and pouting.

“It was Pete wasn’t it?” Jackie asked fuming.

“I bought it myself,” Jamie said, though Pete probably did know about it since he asked Anya to get help him get it. But he was not about to rat out Pete after he had helped him. 

“Well, we’re sending it back. I can’t have you cracking open your head,” Jackie said.

“You don’t have to worry Jackie, I have 900 years of experience in this head,” Jamie responded, smiling as he tapped his temple.

When the second slap to his arm came, he again did not see it coming either.

“Ouch!” Jamie said, as he grabbed his arm and took a step back. “That really hurts!”

“Do you know how dangerous it is to have one of those things? Is this some weird midlife crisis?” Jackie asked.

“Rose! Uncle Jamie!” Tony shouted in glee from the living room entrance when he saw them as Pete trailed behind him.

“Hi Tony!” Jamie said with equal excitement. He walked over to Tony and opened his arms, and Tony quickly ran into them.

Jamie picked him up and using Tony as a shield against Jackie, he said, “Do you want to see my new motorbike?

“Yes!” Tony screamed with excitement.

“He should be in bed,” Jackie said, still looking angry. 

“Come on Jackie, we aren't going to be that long,” Jamie said. 

“Let them go, it won’t hurt to look,” Pete said even as Jackie glared at him with accusation. 

Not waiting for further approval, Jamie quickly made an exit. Leaving an angry Jackie.

By the time he came back, Pete had calmed down Jackie. He took Tony, and they went up to get ready for bed. Feeling relieved for having escaped Jackie’s ire, Jamie went to find Rose. He found her in the living room, seated on a couch and flipping through TV channels. He flopped down beside her and sighed. 

“What are you watching?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she said, looking bored. But after a while, she looked at him.

“What?” he eventually asked, when she did not say anything. 

“So when were you going to tell me?” she asked. 

“Tell you what?”

Rose looked at him as if she was considering something. 

“Do you respect my opinion?” she asked. 

“Of course I do, why would you think I didn’t?” Jamie asked, perplexed by her question. 

“Then why didn’t you tell me you were thinking of buying a motorbike? Or that you had purchased one behind my back?” she asked. 

“I… I didn’t do it behind your back,” Jamie defended. 

“Oh really?”

“Well… Torchwood pays exceptionally well… so I had the money and I had always wanted one. So I got one.”

“And you don’t see anything wrong with that?” Rose asked. 

“Well no,” Jamie admitted.

Rose gave him a steady look and sighed. “Okay then.”

Jamie wondered if that meant she was okay with it, but then she stood up and began to walk away. So, Jamie called to her, “Rose wait!”

Rose stopped and turned around to look at him with a blank expression. 

“You’re upset?” he said more as a question than a statement. 

“Am I?” she asked, in a tone he could not read. 

He was not sure. Was she?

Jamie stared at her with uncertainty, not knowing what to say. Rose sighed and walked away. 

When they set out together in the morning, as was their routine, Rose was decidedly more subdued than usual. But Jamie dismissed it, hoping he was imagining it. But as Rose continued her apathetic demeanour towards him the following day, and the day after that, he started to suspect something was seriously wrong.

Unsure of what to do and wanting to fix things by the evening, he decided to ask Jake when they were alone.

“She told you why she was upset,” Jake stated.

“She did?”

“She did and you ignored it,” he said. 

“What?” Jamie asked, still confused. 

Jake gave Jamie a dubious look, unsure how the smartest person he knew could also be the densest. 

“She doesn’t think you value her opinion,” Jake said. 

“Of course, I value her opinion,” Jamie defended. “What a stupid thing to say.”

“Then why didn’t you tell her what you were planning. Did you not care what she would think?”

Jamie was about to answer but then realization dawned. 

“Yep,” Jake said seeing the light bulb go off in Jamie’s head. 

“Hey,” a voice said and they both jumped in surprise seeing Rose behind them. “Why aren’t you answering your phones?” 

Jake took out his phone and saw a missed call, “Oh, I didn’t notice it ring.”

“I’m not sure where mine is,” Jamie replied.

Rose smiled, thinking that was something she would expect from the Doctor. “That’s okay. We will sort that out later, right now we have to head out.”

“Both our teams?” Jamie asked. They rarely required two teams unless there was a situation dire enough to require both.

“I’ll explain as we walk,” she said.

Jamie and Jake followed Rose as she spoke, “A call came in of a bus disappearing.”

“A London bus?” Jake confirmed.

“Yes, the police were pursuing a suspect on the bus when it entered Gladwell Road Tunnel. They had blocked off the exit, but they reported a bright light appeared, and it suddenly vanished,” Rose said.

“How does a bus just vanish?” Jake asked.

“In several ways,” Jamie said. “Teleportation or a wormhole are my biggest guesses.”

“But who would want to steal a bus,” Rose asked as they waited for the elevator. “What would be the point?”

“I guess that’s for us to find out,” Jamie said. “Do you have something to detect Rhondium particles?”

“What is that?" Rose asked.

“It detects wormholes,” Jamie said.

“I can ask Ian,” Jake said.

“I’ll meet Ian in our base and meet you guys there,” Jamie said.

“OK,” Rose agreed.

The elevator arrived, and Jake and Rose got on.

“Um… Rose,” Jamie called, before the door closed. “Don’t forget about tonight.”

Rose gave a small smile, “I won’t.” 

The doors closed and Jamie went back to their base office. He was joined by Ian who also knew nothing about Rhondium particles, but it did not matter as Jamie knew how to build a sensor on his own. In no time, it was completed and they headed out.

When Jamie and Ian arrived at the scene, they found it overcrowded with police and Torchwood personnel who did not seem to know what they were doing. It was a mess of noise and lights, but out of the corner of his eye, Jamie saw someone walking away. 

He turned and found himself standing in a desert. He watched as a man, dressed in a bus driver’s uniform, walked out into the desert. 

“No, no, don't,” a voice called. 

But the bus driver ignored the voice and continued walking away. “I'm going home, mate!” 

The voice tried again to stop him, but the driver ignored him and walked into an invisible barrier and he turned into a skeleton. 

A hand touched Jamie’s arm and the desert disappeared. 

“Are you okay?” Rose asked, looking at Jamie with worry. 

“Yeah,” he automatically answered as he looked back in the direction he had been staring. But the desert was gone with only a police barricade in its place.

“I was calling you, but you didn't answer,” Rose said.

“I was distracted,” Jamie said. “Any updates?” 

Rose hesitated, feeling like Jamie was hiding something from her. But she did not press him because there was something more important she needed to tell him. 

"Yes," Rose said, looking grim. "Someone came back."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Jamie asked. 

"Come and see," Rose said. 

Jamie followed Rose to the tunnel and near its entrance was a stretcher. It was covered in a cloth and she lifted it up. Jamie's eyes opened in shock when he saw charred bones. 

"He walked out of the tunnel and turned into bones," Rose said. 

"The driver," Jamie said.

"How did you know it was the driver?" Rose asked.

"A hunch," Jamie said. "Has anyone else come through?"

"No," Rose answered.

Jamie took out the sensor he had built at the base and held it out. The little device had a small dish which quickly spun around. 

“That answers it,” Jamie said with a smug look. 

“Answers what?” Rose asked.

“What happened to the bus.”

“Are you going to explain?”

“Oh yes, it went through a wormhole,” Jamie explained.

“And that device told you that?” 

“Yep,” Jamie said. “If it had been teleportation, they would have been energy residue and a distinctive tang in the air. But none of those things are here. Instead, my little device picked up Rhondium particles. But that poses another problem,” Jamie said.

“Which is?” Rose asked. 

“The wormhole is still open but is unstable. That's why it could transport the bus but not safely transport the driver back to earth,” Jamie said.

"But what about everyone else on the bus?" Rose asked. 

Jamie remembered there were other people he saw around him in his vision and said, "They likely made it safely across but are now trapped there."

"So, shouldn't we help them get back?" Rose asked. 

"We should be wondering why this wormhole was created in the first place and what's waiting for us on the other side," Jamie said, staring down the empty tunnel as if expecting something to appear. But then he turned to Rose and said, “In the meantime, I have Ian already working on stabilizing it and then closing it.”

Jamie and Rose joined their teams inside a trailer with Rose's team trying to make contact with the survivors and Jamie's working to make sure they could close the wormhole once they got them back. Once Jamie was done, he was left waiting until they made contact, which was something he hated. But he was coming to learn that a lot of human life had to do with standing around and waiting, which he found incredibly dull. With the Tardis, he never had to wait for anything. He had always found himself in the middle of everything. But not anymore.

He wondered how people dealt with the never-ending banality of it. To be stuck in a mundane life as the universe continued to revolve around you. He did not understand how everyone else just accepted it. But he had no choice but to wait until they heard the crackling sounds of a voice on the other side. 

"Hello?" the voice said.

"Hello," Rose answered as Jamie rushed to stand beside her. "Are you all okay."

"No," a scared voice said. "There are creatures in this world. One of them attacked us."

"Can you get the bus to move?" Jamie asked. 

"Barely," the voice answered. "But we can't go anywhere. The driver... he tried to go back... and he... and he..."

"It's safe now," Jamie assured him. "I've stabilized the wormhole. You just need to come back."

There was silence for a while before the voice answered. "We're scared."

Rose said, "You need to come home. It's not safe for you to stay there."

"Trust us," Jamie continued. "We want to help."

After a brief pause the voice said, "Okay, what do we need to do?"

"When I say so," Jamie said, "drive back through the wormhole. But only when I say."

Jamie turned to Ian and asked, "Ready?"

"Give me a second," Ian said. "Okay."

"They are coming back!" the voice suddenly shouted through. 

"Go now!" Jamie said. 

Jamie ran out of the trailer in time to see a bright light appear again which spat out the bus. The bus which was severely damaged skidded on the road and stopped a few feet in front of the waiting police and the other Torchwood personnel not inside the trailer. 

"Close it now Ian," Jamie shouted out.

But behind the bus, the light appeared again and out flew a creature which resembled a stingray. It flew into the sky, and they all opened fire.

“Ian close it,” Jamie shouted again.

"That's what I'm doing," Ian shouted back. 

Two more creatures flew out before the light disappeared and the wormhole was closed forever. The police and Torchwood continued shooting at the creatures until all of them were destroyed and the city and earth were safe.

When everything had quieted down, Jamie approached the bus and shouted out,

“Is anybody in there?”

“Don’t shoot,” the voice called out to Jamie's relief.

A young man walked out holding his hands up and looking scared.

“We won’t shoot,” Jamie reassured him. “You can lower your hands.”

The young man tentatively lowered his hands as he neared them.

"Are you the one we spoke to?" Jamie asked and he nodded his head

“Are you hurt?” Rose asked him as she came to stand beside Jamie with Jake and the police chief.

The man shook his head.

“Is there anyone else, inside?” Jake asked.

The young man nodded again but did not speak, looking like he was in shock. 

“Everyone come off the bus,” Jake instructed.

“If I come out, you're going to arrest me,” a woman’s voice answered.

The police chief stepped forward with a loudspeaker. “Christina, we have you surrounded. You cannot escape.”

“If I can't escape, then no one is getting out of here alive,” Christina shouted back. 

They turned to the young man who had come off the bus.

“How many more people are there?” Jamie asked.

“Three,” the young man answered.

“Where’s everyone else?” Jamie asked him.

“Dead,” the young man said, beginning to shake.

“It’s OK you’re safe now,” Rose said, seeing he was about ready to cry. To reassure him she came to stand beside him and patted his back. 

“Why don’t the remaining two also walk off the bus?” the police chief asked him.

“Because Christina has a gun,” he answered.

“So how did you get off?” Jake asked.

“She told me to get off the bus,” he answered. 

“Christina is dangerous,” the police chief said. “She is a jewel thief who had never hurt anyone before. But at her last heist, she set off a bomb which killed two people.”

"She's not a bad person," the young man said.

"Paramedics," the police chief called. "Take him, he is in shock."

“Let me talk to her,” Jamie said, as one the paramedics came to take the man away.

“Christina, you don't have to do this. No one else has to get hurt. Just let them go and we can talk,” Jamie said.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Christina asked, coming into view. “The second I let them go, I’m done for.”

Christina held a hostage with a gun to her head. “I’m not afraid to use this, you know that already.”

“You’re smart, so you know we can’t let you walk out of here. So just give up.”

“I already escaped the impossible and I’m going to do it again,” she replied. “I want safe passage out of here.”

An officer came forward and spoke to the chief, “We don’t have a clear shot, Sir.”

“What about snipers?” 

“We just requested them but they will take a while to get here, Sir,” the officer replied.

“We don’t need snipers, we have him,” Jake said.

They all turned to Jamie.

“Jamie?” Rose asked in surprise.

“But she hasn’t hurt anyone yet,” Jamie said.

“Are you going to wait for her to kill someone again before you act?” the police chief asked.

Jake took his gun and held it out to Jamie. “You are the best shot I know. You can help save those two people on the bus.”

Jamie looked at Rose who was unusually quiet. 

“What do you think?” Jamie asked her.

“You never used guns before, you always found another way,” she said.

“But what other way is there now?” the police chief asked.

Jamie looked at the hostage who looked terrified. He stepped forward and said,

“Christina it’s over, you can't get out of this.”

Christina smiled, “I will never let you catch me. Either let me go or she dies. And I’m not going to wait forever.”

“This is a no brainer,” Jake said, coming to stand beside Jamie.

Jamie knew he could make the shot, even from here.

“But this solution is not like you,” Rose said, joining them. “You’re not... you don’t hurt people.”

“Then are you going to do nothing?” the police chief asked.

“I don’t see any other way mate,” Jake held out the gun again.

Jamie pondered it for a moment and could not think of another way. They would never let Christina go, not when she had already killed someone, which she was threatening to do again. He could stop her. He had to.

“OK,” Jamie said as he took the gun from Jake.

Jamie held up the gun and aimed, and everyone else raised their guns as well. Jamie briefly wondered if having the Tardis would have changed anything, but he pushed away the thought.

“Christina, this is your last chance,” Jamie said. “We can’t let you hurt anyone else.”

“I wouldn’t have gotten this far if I caved to empty threats,” Christina replied. 

Jamie aimed his gun and when he was ready, he lowered his gun slightly and pulled the trigger. His shot found its mark.

The bullet hit Christina’s shoulder and she released the woman she held. The woman immediately ran and Christina tried to raise the gun again but a volley of shots were fired.

“Stop!” Jamie shouted, but it was already too late.

The area became a mess of confusion as officers rushed forward. The remaining two survivors who were a husband and wife were led off the bus to safety. They checked on Christina but they confirmed what they already knew, she was gone. 

Jake picked up her gun and checked it.

"It was empty," Jake said in surprise.

"What?" Jamie asked.

"Her gun," Jake said. "There are no bullets."

"She was bluffing?!" Jamie asked in surprise.

"We couldn’t have known that," the police chief said. "Our priority was protecting the hostage."

“What about protecting her?” Rose asked, from behind them.

They turned and Rose was looking at Jamie. She looked at him with complete disappointment. She walked away but Jamie ran after her, to stop her. 

“Rose stop,” Jamie said.

She stopped and looked at him. 

“What did you expect me to do?” Jamie asked her. 

“I don’t know what I expected from you, but it was not this,” she said.

“She was never going to give up and I didn’t want anyone else to be hurt. I had no choice,” Jamie answered. 

“But you did have a choice, you just choose the easy way out,” Rose said.

“You thought that was easy for me?”

“Since when did you give in so easily?” she asked. “We could have waited. You could have talked to her.”

“I did talk to her.”

“I’ve seen you convince a Dalek to change its mind,” Rose stated. “Can you really say you did your best?”

Jamie hesitated and Rose said, “See, even you are not sure. I mean, why did you even bother asking my opinion if you were just going to ignore it?” 

"So your problem is I didn’t listen to you?” 

“My problem is someone is dead,” Rose said.

“And you blame me,” Jamie said.

Rose did not answer but Jamie got her answer from her silence.

Jamie walked away hurt and she did not stop him. 

Jake saw Jamie walking away and he ran to him. But before he could say anything, Jamie slammed the gun against his chest which silenced him. 

“I’m never carrying one of these again,” Jamie said. “If you have a problem with it, have me fired.”

Without another word, Jamie walked away.

He got into the car and found the keys inside. He started the car and drove off, not caring how his teammates made it back. Upon arriving home, Jamie walked through the house to the back balcony. 

He did not turn on the lights and instead walked out into the darkness and leaned against the railing and waited. He was always waiting, he thought. Waiting for the next meeting, the next assignment, the next day, and waiting for Rose. 

He had been waiting for her to finally accept him. But as he waited, he did not know what Rose wanted from him. Or how to become the man Rose wanted him to be. All he knew was everything he did seemed to upset her. In her eyes, he always came up short, no matter what he did.

Jamie straightened and put his hands on the railing and felt the cold seep into his hands. He looked up at the night sky as blackness stared back at him and he felt lost. He was only trying to help but he knew he had messed up. He wondered if everyone would be better off if he had not been there. This universe did not seem to have a Doctor and maybe he did not belong in this world.

Jamie sighed, feeling unsure of how he fit in this world. He had never needed to fit in anywhere before. He was a traveller, the stars were his home. If he did not belong somewhere he just left. But he could not run away anymore. This was meant to be his home.

Jamie lowered his eyes. When the Doctor left him, he had lost everything. He had set him adrift with nothing to hold on to except for his love for Rose. But what would he do if he lost her? He knew he would have nothing left.

Jamie looked up again at the vast blackness above, wishing the universe could give him direction. He felt lost and missed the stars. But the night maintained it's silence. Still, Jamie looked up even though it was pointless. The meteor shower was beginning and would last for twenty-six minutes. He could not show Rose the stars anymore, but he had wanted to share this with her. So, he waited.

When he heard the door behind him open, he turned back in expectation. But disappointment washed over him as he saw Jackie framing the doorframe. 

Without acknowledging her presence, he turned back around to look up again at the empty night sky.

“What are you doing out here alone in the dark?” Jackie asked as she walked out to join him. 

“Nothing,” Jamie said. 

Jackie looked at him for a moment but said nothing as she also turned to stare out at the night sky. The sky was black without even the moon to shed light in its darkness. Jackie looked at Jamie and could see something was wrong.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yep," Jamie said counting down the final minute. When it was over, he turned to Jackie and said, “Let’s head inside?”

“Sure,” Jackie agreed. 

And they walked back inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always find it difficult to rewrite an existing episode into a fic. But hopefully, it fits. I wonder what you all think of the story so far. I know I can't wait to have Martha in this story but don't want to rush either. 
> 
> Next chapter: An unforgettable night


	10. An Unforgettable Night

The days and weeks passed by and Jamie felt all he did was work and drift further away from Rose. When he had imagined coming to this world, he never envisioned the distance he could feel between them, which only seemed to grow with each passing day. He knew he needed to act or he risked losing her.

So when he arrived at work, he tried to think of something Rose would like. But after a while, Connor slammed his tablet down and glared at Jamie.

“What’s the matter with you?” Connor demanded. “If I hear you tap that pen one more time, I might have to throw this at your head,” he said gesturing with his tablet.

“Sorry,” Jamie sighed, as he dropped his pen.

“Ignore him,” Ian said to Jamie. “Connor is just angry he has to do actual adult work.”

“If writing reports is adult work, then I’m done being an adult,” Connor said exasperated and dropped his head onto the table.

“I’m not helping you,” Ian said.

Connor lifted his head and grumbled sarcastically to Ian, “Why do they need everyone to write a mission report anyway? They are just going to read us destroying a metal gauntlet, with a quirky side effect of resurrecting dead people, four times. It’s ridiculous.”

“Maybe next time you’ll do your job right and not be threatened with suspension to do it,” Ian stated.

Connor sat back up and grabbed the closet thing he could reach, which was a paperweight, and threw it at Ian’s head.

But Ian ducked and with a smirk said, “You missed.”

Connor scowled at him but turned his attention back to Jamie, “What’s eating you anyway?”

“Don’t take the bait, he is looking for a distraction,” Ian warned.

But feeling like it might help to get a second opinion, he said, “I want to take Rose on a proper date, but I don’t know what she will like.”

“Simple,” Connor answered, “Just take her down to the pub for a pint or two, make it casual. Everyone loves that.”

Ian gave Connor a condescending look and said, “That’s terrible advice. Jamie, you should cook her a nice meal and stay in for the night. That’s what I would do.”

“That is not a date,” Connor scoffed. “Do you even remember what a date is? You and Leah have been together for so long that it's fried your dating skills.” Turning back to Jamie he said, “I go on dates all the time, trust me.”

“What you’re doing isn’t dating, because there is never a second date,” Ian retorted.

Finally fed up with his two teammates, Jake said, “Jamie, you know what Rose likes. Make her feel special. Just follow your gut.”

But that was the problem, Jamie thought. He could not follow his gut because all it told him was to take her to all the myriads of worlds and time periods he knew he could not. But he did not have the Tardis any longer to do what he wanted.

Jamie sighed as he thought fondly of how easy everything had been with the Tardis. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration, thinking about how everything was impossible or would take hours to reach.

“That’s the problem, my guts not telling me anything useful,” Jamie said.

Ian stood up and walked over to Jamie as he typed on his tablet. He placed it in front of him and said, “Here you go.”

Jamie looked at it and saw a website called ‘Date Night’ was opened on it.

“What is this?” Jamie asked.

“It’s a dating blog. It gives great date night ideas. They can even plan it out for you, for a fee. I use it sometimes when I want to plan something really special with Leah,” Ian said.

“That is so depressing,” Connor said. “You are a lost cause.”

“I think that’s actually a great idea,” Jake commented.

“Thanks Ian,” Jamie said, picking up the tablet and strolling through the website.

“God, you’re all so depressing,” Connor said, going back to writing his report.

Jamie strolled through the website, clicking on several ideas but not finding what he needed. But as he was about to give up, he saw something which interested him. Jamie clicked the gallery and soon an idea formed in his mind. He knew what he wanted to do.

After a few hours of planning and some much-appreciated help from his team, Jamie had planned the perfect evening. He just needed to make sure Rose was available. Unable to wait, he excitedly got up and headed to her team’s base to find her.

As he approached, he saw Rose and her team filing out of the door on their way out.

But Rose spotted him and walked over. “Jamie, what are you doing here?”

“I was looking for you,” he said.

“Why?”

Jamie felt suddenly nervous as he asked, “I was wondering whether you were free Saturday evening?”

“I should be. Our team plans to head to New Germany on Thursday, but we will be back Friday evening.”

“Your team travels a lot,” Jamie noted.

“I got it set up that way. I’m not used to staying in one place for too long anymore,” Rose admitted.

Jamie understood the feeling, but because of it, they barely saw each other. They had even gotten into the habit of coming to work separately since he got his bike, and it did not help that one or both of them always seemed to work late. So it meant they barely saw each other at home. But even at home, there was either Tony or Jackie, so they barely got to enjoy time together. That’s why this evening was important.

“Why do you ask?” Rose asked.

Jamie stuck his hands in his pockets and asked, “I wanted to take you out on a date.”

Rose’s eyes opened in surprise before her lips spread into a smile.

“That would be nice. I would love to go on a date with you. What do you have planned?” Rose asked.

“It's going to be a surprise,” Jamie replied, smiling.

___

When Saturday morning rolled around, Jamie woke again drenched in sweat and his heart was racing. He sat up and felt relieved that he could move his body of its own accord. He had had one of his unsettling dreams again. But this time, it had felt different. He had felt trapped in someone else’s body with no control over what happened.

All the other times, his dreams had been memories the Doctor had. But this time, it had felt like he was living a new memory.

However, he was not sure he could call it a memory. He had already experienced this before. The time he saw Donna, then Rosita and finally the bus driver. Each time, the occurrence was getting longer and more vivid.

He did not know how it was happening or why. Though, he was starting to get an idea of what triggered it. But the only thing he could be sure of was he was still somehow connected to the Doctor. But he wondered whether the Doctor knew this was happening or whether he could communicate with him.

He had not told anyone about it yet, including Rose. But even if he wanted to tell her, it was impossible because she still was not yet back. Her team had been delayed in New Germany, but she promised to be back Saturday afternoon.

But the afternoon came and went and Rose was nowhere in sight. She only came running in as the sun was setting, making a quick apology before running up the stairs and disappearing in her room. Jamie had wanted the night to go perfectly and had planned everything painstakingly so it would be. But as he looked at his watch, he saw they were already impossibly late.

“I’m ready,” Rose said as she suddenly appeared at the top of the staircase with a big smile on her face. She wore a pink knee-length cocktail dress with strappy heels.

“You look beautiful,” Jamie said, looking up at her and Rose's smile got impossibly brighter at the compliment.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Rose replied, looking Jamie over appreciatively.

For the first time since arriving from Bad Wolf Bay, Jamie had chosen to wear a suit. Not jeans or a jumper but the Doctor's trademark suit, tie and sneakers. It was not brown but still a pinstripe suit in black, which made Jamie look like the Doctor.

“Thank you,” Jamie replied. “Shall we?” he said, holding out his hand.

“Of course,” Rose said, walking down the steps and taking his hand. They walked out the front door together, and Jamie led her to a sleek black Jaguar[1]F-type convertible. She smiled as he opened the door for her.

“I shouldn't have bothered with my hair when I saw this coming in,” Rose said as she sat down. “I would have been down faster.”

Jamie closed the door and walked around to get in himself. He guided the car out of Tyler's driveway and drove off the premises.

“So where are we going?” Rose asked as her hair blew around her face in the wind.

“I told you before, it’s a surprise,” Jamie said, turning to smile at her.

“I like surprises,” Rose said, returning his smile. She remembered the excitement and wonder she once felt with the Doctor in the Tardis. She would never admit it now, but she still missed it.

As Jamie drove them into the main city centre, Rose told him about her trip to New Germany. She chatted away in excitement, as Jamie weaved expertly through the Saturday night traffic to their destination as the city fell into darkness.

Jamie eventually brought the car to a stop and said, “We are here.”

Rose had been busy talking and had not paid attention to where they were until Jamie stopped. Jamie got out, handing his keys to a valet before walking around and opening her door.

Rose got out and looked around and saw where they were.

“You’re bringing me to the Shard?” Rose questioned.

“I said it’s a surprise,” Jamie said, smiling as he took her hand and led her inside. They entered the elevator, and he pressed the 31st floor.

When the doors opened, soft melodic music flowed across the room which was alight with fairy lights and backlit by the lights of the city below them. The room contained floor to ceiling windows, giving them a panoramic view of London. There was a bar lined with candles in the middle of the room and one table with rose petals surrounding it.

Rose stood in amazement as she looked at the room. She had not expected this when Jamie asked her on a date.

“This is amazing,” Rose said, as she walked into the room and took in everything. She walked towards the windows and looked out at the twinkling lights of the city below. The view was beautiful.

Jamie came to stand beside her, and also looked out at the city, with his hands in his pockets. “I had hoped to watch the sunset with you.”

Rose turned to look at him apologetically and said, “I’m sorry I was late.”

Jamie smiled and took Rose’s hand in his and said, “You’re here now, that's all that matters.”

Rose smiled before she moved closer to rest her head against his shoulder. They stood together enjoying each other’s company and the feel of being finally alone until they heard a bottle of champagne being opened behind them.

Rose raised her head and looked back behind them to see a waiter pouring a glass of champagne in one glass while another glass sat already filled on the table.

“I hope you don’t mind. I choose our food and drink already, so we wouldn’t have to wait,” Jamie asked.

“I don’t mind at all,” Rose answered.

Jamie led Rose to the table and letting go of her hand, pulled out a chair for her to sit. Once she was seated, he sat opposite her.

Jamie lifted his glass which only had sparkling apple juice and toasted, “To an unforgettable night.”

“Cheers to that,” Rose said clinking glasses.

Everything seemed perfect as Rose sat through the dinner. They started with chicken and mushrooms in a sweet mustard sauce as an appetizer. For the main course, they were served duck with rhubarb, turnips and barley, and for dessert, they had pistachio sponge cake with raspberries and rose sorbet.

As Rose sat sipping a dessert wine, she looked affectionately across at Jamie. Everything had been delicious and things between them had been easy and comfortable. She could not have hoped for a better evening.

“You’ve given me the perfect night,” Rose said. “Thank you.”

“The night isn’t over yet,” Jamie teased with a smirk.

“There’s more?” Rose asked, wondering what else he had planned.

“There is something else I know you will love,” Jamie said before standing up and circling the table to stand in front of Rose and holding out his hand. “May I have this dance?”

Rose smiled up at him as she took his hand, “You may.”

They walked to an open area and when they stopped, the music changed from the soft melodic music playing during their dinner to a slow waltz.

“You really did think of everything,” Rose said as she placed her free hand on Jamie’s shoulder and he placed his hand on her waist.

“Almost everything, I haven’t figured out how to reverse time so we can get our sunset,” Jamie mused jokingly.

“And here I was thinking you had organized fireworks next,” Rose teased.

“The night is still young,” Jamie teased. “You never know, maybe I did.”

Rose laughed and said, “I don’t need fireworks or anything else, this has been more than I could have hoped for.”

“I’m happy you’ve liked it,” Jamie replied.

Rose wrapped her hands around Jamie’s waist and rested her head on his shoulder, as they continued to slow dance to the soft melodic music

“I lied before,” Rose said softly against him.

“You lied?”

“Now it is a perfect night,” Rose said, smiling against his shoulder.

Jamie smiled too before kissing the top of her head. Rose drew away from him so she could look at his face. She pushed off her toes to place a soft kiss against his lips.

Jamie brushed the hair behind Rose’s ear so he could see her face. He stroked her cheek tenderly and said, “I love you, Rose Tyler.”

Rose smiled up at Jamie and replied, “I love you too, Doctor.”

The second the word left her mouth, Jamie felt his heart stop. His hand stilled as he looked at her in stunned silence.

Rose looked at Jamie with questioning eyes wondering at his sudden change, not having realized her slip up, “What’s wrong?”

“You called me Doctor,” Jamie barely breathed out.

Understanding slowly dawned on Rose.

“I’m… I’m sorry, I…,” Rose tried to say, but also fell silent, not sure what to say.

When Rose said those words, she had not been thinking because even without thinking, she knew she loved the Doctor. She would always love him and knew that would never change. But, Rose had always hesitated with Jamie and now again, she felt herself hesitating. And she finally realized the problem was not necessarily Jamie, but the fact that he was not the Doctor.

“You love the Doctor, but does that mean you don’t love me?” Jamie asked, hoping he was wrong.

Rose looked up at Jamie trying to think up a response which would not hurt him. But she did not want to lie to him either. So she instead asked,

“Can’t it be enough that I love one of you?”

Jamie blinked in surprise at her response. He dropped his hands and took a step back and looked away to collect himself.

Looking back at Rose he asked, “But can’t you love me too?”

His question made him feel smaller than he could have ever imagined. He knew he was not enough. How could he ever live up to the memory of the Doctor? How could he even compare when he had nothing. But he was here. He had stayed.

“I…,” Rose tried to say but found herself hesitating again.

“Don’t answer,” Jamie found himself saying. “Maybe you need more time, I can wait.”

Rose again hesitated but slowly nodded.

Jamie forced himself to smile, even though the smile did not reach his eyes. “It was a lovely evening, but I think it's best if we head home.”

“I don't want to end the night this way,” Rose said, as she gave him a sympathetic smile.

Rose’s look of pity seemed to make Jamie feel worse than he already did.

“I think it would be best if we did,” Jamie replied.

Rose knew three words would stop the pain Jamie was feeling, but she could not bring herself to say them.

Seeming to have no other choice, Rose agreed.

They walked back to the elevator and rode in silence back down to the ground floor. They found the valet already had the car parked at the front and they got in. They drove home in silence except for the sound of the radio, which did nothing to ease the tension.

When they arrived home, Jamie walked Rose in, and as she went to walk up the stairs, she saw Jamie was not following her.

“Aren’t you coming up?” she asked.

Jamie shook his head. He did not feel like sleeping and had decided that he did not want to wallow in his room either.

“I can stay with you if you like,” Rose offered.

Jamie plastered on a smile again and said, “No, it's okay. You’ve had a long day. You should go up and rest.”

Rose paused but said, “Thank you for tonight. I really did enjoy it.”

“Have a good night Rose,” Jamie said, urging her to leave.

“Good night,” she said before she turned away and walked up the stairs.

Jamie watched Rose walk up the stairs before he turned away.

Finally alone, the smile fell from Jamie’s face and he walked into the living room and sat down heavily in one of the armchairs. He placed his head in his hands and took a deep breath, trying to fight down the painful ache he had been suppressing the whole drive home.

He knew he was not upset at Rose for loving the Doctor. How could he, when the Doctor's memories flowed through his mind? He was upset that he was not the Doctor anymore when Rose wanted him to be. It also hurt to know that if the Doctor were to ever show up again, by some cosmic mishap, Rose would leave him as she did on the beach.

It hurt to love someone who was in love with someone else. But what hurt even more, was the look she had given him when she said she loved the Doctor. The look of love and affection he now knew he would likely never see again.

It made Jamie feel so alone and wish for the life the Doctor had.

Sometimes Jamie would think he was okay and then it would hit him that he would never see the Tardis again and he was stuck on this earth forever. In those moments, he felt suffocated and trapped, but he did not know who to turn to.

Other times, he would remember he could not regenerate anymore. That his life was passing him by and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He was no longer a Time Lord with 300 years to live before needing to regenerate. He only had 40 or 50 years if he was lucky. It felt unfair.

He felt angry, angry that the Doctor got everything: the Tardis, regeneration and Rose’s love. While he got nothing.

Jamie stood up and walked out to the back of the house. He found himself always looking up at the sky even though the stars reminded him of how out of reach everything was.

He wished he never got the Doctor’s memories. That he could get a clean slate so he would not know what he had lost. So that thoughts of the past would not hurt so much. Maybe then, he would not feel so lost.

He looked up at the night sky as if the universe held his salvation, but the long night held no answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1Jaguar[ here ](https://cdn-jaguarlandrover.com/api/v1/image/6611/w/640.jpg).[return to text]
> 
> Next chapter titled: Tough Choices


	11. Tough Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Two updates in one weekend. A first for me.
> 
> TW: updated tags

Jamie sat twirling his pen in silence, as he avoided looking at Sam. He had not said much during their meeting, and Sam had eventually also fallen into silence after a few minutes of being the only voice filling the room.

Jamie briefly looked up at Sam, who was giving him an assessing look, before he looked away again.

“How did your night with Rose really go?” Sam finally asked. 

“I told you, it was fine,” Jamie replied, catching the pen in his hand and slipping it back into his pocket. 

Sam raised his eyebrow but smiled. “Nothing happened?” 

“Yep,” Jamie answered again, avoiding eye contact with Sam and falling back into silence.

“Well, if you’re determined to sit in silence then who am I to stop you,” Sam stated, before also going quiet.

As the minutes ticked by, Jamie looked up to see Sam sitting back with his legs crossed and seeming completely relaxed whilst he could feel the silence weighing down on him. Since that night, he and Rose had barely spoken. Jamie had also not told anyone about what had happened. 

Jamie looked back up at Sam and pursed his lips. He knew he could not fault Sam for trying to help. 

“Okay fine,” Jamie finally said, breaking the silence. 

“I’m all ears,” Sam said, uncrossing his legs and sitting more to attention. 

Jamie took a deep breath and thought of how to say what he had been keeping secret.

“Rose told me she loved me,” Jamie said. 

Confusion passed over Sam’s face before he asked, “Isn’t that a good thing?” 

“She called me the Doctor when she said it.”

Jamie watched as Sam’s eyebrows shot up in surprise as he felt a huge weight lift off his chest. The memory still hurt, but he felt like he had been suffocating from keeping it to himself.

“Oh… how did you respond,” Sam asked, seeming to choose his words carefully.

“How do you think I responded?” Jamie asked. 

“I don’t know, I wasn’t there,” Sam replied calmly. 

Jamie looked at Sam and was about to give another retort but instead said, “I was hurt, no angry. Everything was going so well. The night had been perfect.”

“You were angry with Rose?” Sam asked.

Jamie shook his head. “No, of course not.”

Now that he could finally talk about that evening, he was able to realize why he was angry.

“I was angry at the Doctor,” Jamie said. 

“The Doctor? Why him?” Sam asked. 

Jamie again took a deep breath knowing what he was about to say seemed irrational but he could not help it. 

“Because he gets everything,” Jamie said. “He got to stay with Donna. He got to keep the Tardis. And he still gets Rose’s love. Whilst I get nothing. It's unfair.”

Sam gave Jamie a sympathetic look but Jamie turned away and said, “Don’t give me that look.”

“Jamie, I’ve got to know a lot about you these past few weeks and I can assure you, you have a lot more than you realize.”

Jamie only scoffed in reply. 

“For one, I hope I’m not nothing,” Sam said.

“Is that all you can say to cheer me up?” Jamie asked.

“It’s understandable to feel anger when things don’t seem fair, but I am not the only one in your life who cares about you,” Sam persisted.

But all Jamie could think was he was missing the things he cared about the most. The things which the Doctor kept. 

“Being angry at the Doctor also isn’t going to change anything either,” Sam said. 

“Don’t you think I know that,” Jamie snapped. But seeing Sam frown in disapproval he said, “I’m sorry. It's just… I’m frustrated.”

Sam gave an understanding smile and said, “What does this mean for you and Rose?”

“I don’t know,” Jamie said, shaking his head and sighing. 

“Have you talked to her about it since then?” he asked.

Jamie shook his head. “How can I, when she will always love the Doctor and I will never compare.”

“She said that to you?” Sam asked. 

“Not in so many words, but yes,” Jamie said.

“Are you sure? You don’t want to make that decision for her when you haven’t discussed it,” Sam advised him. “You’ll never know for sure until you ask her directly.”

Jamie knew that what Sam said was right. But he was afraid she would only confirm what he already knew.

Jamie had thought loving Rose would be enough, but he was beginning to wonder if it was. But even as doubts plagued him, he had hidden from the truth that night. However, now he was afraid he would hide from it forever.

After he met with Sam, he pulled out his phone and began twirling it. He knew what he wanted to know. He had had the question on his mind since their doomed night together.

Without thinking any further, he grasped his phone in his hand and began typing,

_Hey, can we meet up and chat?_

Almost instantly, he received a reply. 

_Hey, sure. Where do you want to meet?_

_Somewhere we can have some privacy._

_Do you want to meet now?_

_Yes._

_My office?_

_Okay._

Jamie put his phone away and went to meet Rose. He was not going to hide anymore. He had to know the truth. 

He headed to the elevator but changing his mind, he headed for the stairs instead. Rose’s office was only a few floors up and it would not take much time to run-up. It would also give him a few moments to think. 

When he arrived in front of her office, he found the door slightly ajar. He took a big breath and pushed the door open. Inside, he saw Rose leaning against a table waiting for him. 

Jamie walked in and closed the door behind him. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Rose replied with a nervous smile.

Jamie also felt nervous but he hid it. He took a few strides into the room so he was only a few paces from Rose. 

Rose pushed off the table to stand up straight. “You wanted to talk?”

“Yes… I wanted to talk about us,” Jamie agreed. 

Rose crossed her arms defensively and Jamie could see an added tension framing her body. He knew they had both been avoiding this conversation, but they could not keep on the way they were. 

“I know it hasn’t been easy for either of us,” Jamie started. “It's been hard for you and we’ve both tried our best to make this work.”

A look of worry crossed over Rose’s face but Jamie continued. 

“I’ve tried to give you space and be patient. But now I don’t know how to anymore. Not when I don’t know how you feel about me or us,” Jamie finished. 

Jamie could see Rose’s mind working as he talked but she still seemed unready to speak when she uncrossed her arms and said, “I feel… I’m not sure how I feel. It all feels so complicated.”

Jamie looked down briefly to hide his disappointment. It was the same response she had given the first time they had talked about her feelings about him, and despite months together, nothing had changed. He was not sure if any of the time they had shared had mattered at all when compared to her feelings for the Doctor. He only knew how he felt.

Looking back up he asked, “What am I to you?”

Rose eyebrows raised, not expecting the question. 

“Am I a friend? A colleague? A placeholder?” Jamie asked, revealing his hidden feelings in the question.

“How can you call yourself a placeholder?” Rose asked with surprise at the last descriptor.

“Because I feel alone in this,” Jamie admitted. He had felt alone and abandoned since the moment he had stepped foot on that beach in Bad Wolf Bay. He had hoped being with Rose would do anyway with those feelings, but that had not proven true. “I can’t help feeling you’re wishing for someone else when you are with me.”

Rose frowned as she said, “You know that isn’t true.”

“Isn’t it?” Jamie asked. “Do you know how it feels to have the person you love look at you and be searching for someone else? Seeing a look of happiness when they see a similarity and a look of disappointment when they see a difference. Because I do.”

“If this because of what happened the other night?” Rose began, “I’m sorry but I-,” 

“This isn’t about one night,” Jamie clarified, as he interrupted her. “It’s about every night, every moment I see the disappointment in your eyes that I’m not the Doctor.”

Rose took a breath and spoke. “I’ve never asked you to be the Doctor.”

“You’ve never needed to, not when I see it in your face,” Jamie said. “You love him,” Jamie said, even though the words hurt to say but even more painful was what he still had to say. “And you don’t love me.”

Rose looked at Jamie with sympathy, and he instantly knew it was the answer he had feared. It was the reason he had stopped her from answering the other evening. Why he had been afraid of her response. And he did not think waiting would change her feelings. 

Barely above a whisper, she finally answered him truthfully. “No, I don’t.”

Jamie had been expecting that response but hearing it still sent a sharp pain to his heart. He felt like his heart was shattering within him.

“Then what am I doing wrong?” Jamie asked, fighting down the tears he could feel forming in his eyes.

Jamie watched as Rose opened her mouth and closed it again. She seemed unsure of what to say, but as Jamie looked at her eyes, the answer came to him. 

“Is that what you want? Do you want me to pretend to be him?” he asked. “To call myself the Doctor again? Dress in suits To? To quit working here and start travelling?”

Rose gave Jamie an unreadable look and shook her head again. “I’m not asking you to change who you are.”

“Then what?” Jamie asked, feeling hopeless.

Rose still hesitated but said, “You act like a different person who wants me to forget the past. But I don’t want to forget it. I miss how it used to be.”

“I’ve never asked you to forget it, I just can’t act like it is my past. That it is our past,” Jamie explained. 

“But you remember it don’t you? Every moment we shared, you know about it because it is your past too. It is a part of who you are, but you want to keep denying it,” Rose said as if she had been holding in those words for far too long.

“Because I don’t want it to be,” Jamie confessed. “We can’t go back to those days. We would both just be fooling ourselves.”

“And why is that?” Rose asked, looking frustrated. “As you said, it has not been easy for me because I miss the way things were. I miss the ease I used to feel around the Doctor. The excitement, the laughter, the adventure. I was happy. Now I feel like I have to always be on my toes when I’m with you, afraid any word or thing I do will hurt you.”

“Do you think I don’t miss it?” he asked. 

"Do you think I don't miss him?" Rose asked as her eyes became glassy with tears. But she wiped them away angrily and continued. “How do you expect me to say I can’t stop missing him?”

Jamie had to stop himself from visibly reacting to her words. Instead, he steeled himself and asked, “Doesn’t it matter that I’m here and trying?”

“It isn’t easy letting go of someone you care about. I love him. I truly loved him. You don’t just let go of that,” Rose admitted as tears again escaped her eyes and rolled down her cheek. 

Rose wiped away the tears again and turned her back to Jamie, hiding them from him. Seeing her turn away from him broke Jamie’s heart further, as he wished she would turn to him for comfort. But that was another life. 

Jamie heard her take a deep breath before she turned back around, looking more composed. 

Jamie fought to hide the pain from his voice as he asked, “Do you blame me? If it wasn’t for me, you would be with him now.”

Rose shook her head. “I don’t blame you. But you should understand how I feel better than anyone else. You only love me because of the time we spent together in the Tardis.”

“Then has the time we spent together here meant nothing to you,” Jamie asked, now struggling to hide his pain. 

“It’s just been hard,” Rose defended. “Every time I look at you, I think about the Doctor. About our past together. About how things used to be. But you want me to forget an important part of who I am.”

“I would never want you to change who you are. But when compared to the Doctor, how could I even compare. He spent 900 years travelling through time and space in the Tardis, and he shared that with you. I can never share that with you. I can never do even a fraction of the things you shared. I feel like a lousy consolation prize.”

“Then why have you stayed with me if this is how you feel?” Rose asked. 

“Why are you with me when you are in love with someone else?” Jamie asked in turn.

That question seemed to take Rose off guard as if she had never considered it herself.

“All we seem to be doing is hurting each other,” Rose stated, looking at Jamie with searching eyes. “You are right. Why are we hanging on to this? Why aren’t we ending it?”

Jamie’s world seemed to come to a standstill at Rose’s words. That was not what he wanted. He loved her. 

“Is that what you want?” Jamie asked heartbroken. 

Rose looked up to him with more composure than a few moments before and said, “We aren’t making each other happy.” 

Jamie stared at her unsure of what to say, but he heard himself say,

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Rose asked, seeming surprised.

“Let’s end it,” Jamie found himself agreeing. If it would make her happy then how could he say no? That is all Jamie had ever wanted, for Rose to be happy. He had once believed she could be happy with him, but it seemed he had been wrong. 

Jamie looked at Rose and could see her eyes fill with moisture again, but she clenched her fists and said, “Fine.”

Still, Jamie stared at Rose stunned and feeling numb, like everything that was happening was a nightmare he needed to wake up from. But there was no waking up from his reality. 

He turned away and walked the short distance to the closed door. But then he paused. He still refused to believe Rose would let him go. She would stop him, he told himself, as he reached for the handle and opened the door. Even as he walked out of the room, he still believed Rose would say something. Anything. 

But she said nothing. 

Jamie walked out the room and took a few steps in the direction of the elevator. But again, pausing in disbelief at what had just happened. He let his legs walk the remaining steps to the double doors of the elevators as he kept himself from looking back. He pressed the button to go down, and when the elevator arrived, he stepped in.

But even as he stepped into the empty elevator, he still hoped Rose would come running out to him. But a feeling of defeat settled in when he watched the doors close in around him.

He knew he could not return to his teammates and he could not stay in Torchwood either. So he went down to the basement garage.

Once he found his bike, he put on his helmet like a shield against the world and drove out. He did not look back at Torchwood as he entered the busy London streets full of life and sound. But he did not feel like a part of any of it. He felt far removed from everything around him as the tight grip of loneliness slipped back into him like an old friend.

The Doctor had staved off the loneliness from time to time, with the help of his companions. He had filled up the spiralling space of the Tardis with friends and on the rare occasion family. But those moments of talk, laughter and intrigue always seemed too short and fleeting.

So experience should have taught Jamie not to hope. But his heart had lead him to hope and he had ended up alone again. But unlike before when had the Tardis to quell his feelings of isolation and sadness, he now had nothing to fill the emptiness.

He felt himself sinking into sadness, even as he tried to pull himself out by focusing on the road ahead of him. On the hectic movement of cars and people. On the smell of exhaust fumes filling his nostrils. The sound of distant sirens or the stray honk of a car. He made his mind hyper-aware of everything around him to try to forget what had just happened. But instead, all he could think of was how alone he was in this world.

So, he kept driving with no destination in mind. Only thinking that he had to keep moving. 

Jamie weaved through the chaotic traffic, as the crowds thinned and he was barricaded by greenery and the blue horizon which stretched out in front of him. Jamie pushed down on the gas pedal and felt the wind whipping around him. But still, he revved his engine to drive faster, until the scenery blurred into a sea of green. Everything felt far away and he felt unbounded to anyone or anything. Like he was in another world far away from the one his body inhabited.

The memory of sitting in the Tardis as it floated through space, with vast galaxies stretching out before him came to mind. In those moments, the universe seemed like an open door waiting for him to explore. Everything seemed possible, and everything seemed beautiful. 

He missed that feeling now as the world seemed to disappear around him, and he felt a lightness and untethered 

That’s when he saw it, a vision of him looking at the Tardis screen. He seemed to be looking at the Milky Way Galaxy, with Mars drawing his particular attention. But when he tried to focus, the image distorted and disappeared, and he was once again on the road approaching another vehicle too quickly. He swerved, barely missing the other car.

He looked back and saw the vehicle fading quickly into the distance. He looked forward again and thought of the image he had just seen. It had felt real. Like he had been in the Tardis. But that made him miss the Tardis even more. Not waiting to think, he pressed down on the gas pedal again and drove faster. 

But soon he saw something below him flashing. He looked down at his fuel gauge and saw it was almost empty. Jamie drove a few more miles until he stopped at a gas station which had a motel in the back. Instead of fuelling up, Jamie pulled into the parking lot and parked. 

He removed his helmet and felt the breeze hit his face but he felt almost numb to it. All he could feel was the overwhelming feeling of loss. He still felt unbounded, but instead of feeling free as he did when on his bike, it only made him feel alone. 

Jamie looked around and had no idea where he was. The motel's parking lot was empty and surrounded by open fields. But Jamie realized it did not matter where he was. He had nowhere to go. 

He felt tired, so he walked inside the motel. Inside, a young woman with braided dark hair and glasses sat behind the reception, busy with her phone. 

Jamie walked towards her and asked, “Can I please have a room?” 

The woman looked up at him as if he was disturbing her. 

“How many nights?” she asked. 

“I don’t know yet,” he replied.

She gave him a quizzical look but also seemed not to care. She handed him a piece of paper to fill out. 

Jamie stared at the paper and barely registered what it said before starting to fill it out. When he handed it back, he was not sure if he put the correct information. The young woman did not check and only took his credit card information before he was handed a room key.

When Jamie arrived in his room, he shut the door behind him and did not bother turning on the lights. The room was bathed in darkness and Jamie leaned back against the door. He let his eyes fall closed, and he stood in silence.

He did not notice he had started crying until he felt the tears running down his cheeks. He could feel his heart constricted in pain, so he tried to take a few strangled breaths to calm himself. But then he remembered Rose’s face with tears in her eyes as she asked to end it. 

He let his helmet fall to the ground and balled his hands into fists, feeling pain in the palm of his hands, as he tried to stop the tears. But the more he fought, the harder it became to stop the tears. Until he finally gave up.

His legs seemed to give out too, and he slid down the door onto his knees. He dug his fingernails painfully into the palm of his skin until he felt something running down his hands. He wished he could stop the overwhelming pain he felt in his chest but it did not help. 

He wanted to scream. To shout at Rose that he still loved her. That he wanted to be with her. So why did she not want to be with him? Why did she not love him? 

Jamie fell forward onto the floor as tears continued to fall and started pounding on the floor in frustration and pain. He did not know what to do. He felt lost and alone, with only the four empty walls of his motel room closing him in. Jamie slammed his fist on the ground once more, feeling pain travel through his hand, wishing his heart would stop hurting so much. He punched the floor again and again as he clenched his teeth in despair as the tears streamed down his face.

Jamie stayed on the ground crying, unable to stop as the ache in his heart continued to grow. He wished he could blink out of existence, that he had never existed at all. But no matter how much he cried, nothing changed.

Eventually, the tears stopped and all he was left with was a feeling of emptiness. With all the anger and emotion drained out of him. He also felt overwhelmed with tiredness. So, for or a long time he sat on the ground with his eyes closed, willing himself to disappear until he reluctantly dragged himself to the bed a few feet away and collapsed on it. When he closed his eyes he wished to never open them again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Lost Goodbye


	12. Lost Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I took so long to update. Life got busy and I had major writer’s block.
> 
> This was actually meant to be two chapters but I combined them. So, it's a longer chapter than usual. But, I thought it made more sense this way and I want to get to the next half of the story.

Jamie lay on the bed feeling weightless and empty. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, everything around him had changed.

He found himself walking on the surface of a red planet. He was wearing an orange spacesuit with a helmet over his head. In his headset, he could hear a man apologizing, but he was not sure where the man was or what he was apologizing for. 

When the man said goodbye, Jamie was thrown off his feet and he hit the ground hard. When he looked up, he was surrounded by bright flames as debris fell from the sky. He turned over and looked back to see there had been an explosion at what appeared to be a space station.

He lay motionless, unable to move, as he heard voices screaming and shouting in despair as flames continued to burn all around him. Jamie wanted to move, to help. However, no matter how hard he tried, he could not move. Yet despite his seeming paralysis, he could still feel. 

He could feel a blazing rage burning within him. A wave of hot anger which coursed through his whole being and began to engulf him.

Without any prompting, he stood up and his body started moving. He started running as the burning anger consumed him. By the time he reached one of the buildings, the anger felt like a turbulent inferno ready to explode. 

He entered the surviving section of the space station and found three scared-looking people inside. Without hesitating, he heard himself shouting orders to a woman named Mia and a man called Yuri beside her. Without question, they obeyed him as he helped a woman with blonde hair stand up and called her Adelaide.

 _“It can’t be stopped,” Adelaide told him, feeling defeated. “Don’t die with us.”_

_“No, because someone told me just recently,” Jamie heard himself say. “They said I was going to die. They said he will knock four times, and I think I know what that means, and it doesn’t mean right here, right now, because I don’t hear anyone knocking, do you?”_

But then, Jamie heard a bang on the other side of a bulkhead door, and he froze in fear.

Bang. Bang. Bang. 

_“Three knocks is all you’re getting,” Jamie heard himself shout._

He heard himself call whatever was on the other side of the door an Ice Warrior and it confirmed what he had already begun to suspect. He was on Mars. 

He used electricity to stop the Ice Warrior by the door, but that was only a temporary measure. Jamie wondered if he could use heat to stop the Ice Warrior and it seemed like the Doctor heard him, because that became his next plan. The Doctor ran around enacting his newly formulated plan as Adelaide shouted it was impossible to fight them. 

_“But you said we die,” Adelaide shouted. “For the future, for the human race."_

But the Doctor refused to listen to her. He was only guided by the all-consuming anger and a desire to win, which also consumed Jamie. He was tired of losing. Of watching everyone he loved leave him. Of sacrificing everything including himself. Not today. Today he was going to win. 

_“Yes, because there are laws. There were Laws of Time,” the Doctor said. “Once upon a time, there were people in charge of those laws, but they died. They all died. Do you know who that leaves? Me! It’s taken me all these years to realize the Laws of Time are mine and they will obey Me!” he shouted, already feeling triumphant._

He would not win just today, he would be the winner always. 

But then they quickly realized his plan to use heat against the Ice Warriors would not work. There was water everywhere and little hope of surviving, but he could not give up. He had to win. He was going to win. He would be victorious.

_“We’re not just fighting the Flood,” he shouted at the remaining crew. “We are fighting time itself. And I’m going to win!”_

Then the Doctor found a robot, and they knew what he had to do. But then they heard a countdown start. The Doctor turned to see Adelaide had initiated a nuclear meltdown. But he almost smiled, he did not care about her. She was insignificant and would not be able to stop him. No one could. 

The Doctor sent the robot outside and it blazed across the planet to their only means of salvation - the Tardis. The robot opened the Tardis doors and they knew they had won. 

They had done it. The Doctor had saved them. He had defeated time itself.

The Tardis landed back on Earth, and the Doctor walked out into the snow. For a moment, he stared at it and thought it was quite beautiful. The other three walked out as well, seeming to be in shock to be home again. Mia ran off in a panic and Yuri ran after her, leaving him alone with Adelaide.

_“You should have left us there,” Adelaide said, not grateful at being saved and only showing anger._

_“Adelaide, I've done this sort of thing before,” he said nonchalantly. “In small ways, saved some little people, but never someone as important as you. Oh, I'm good.”_

He smiled to himself feeling proud. 

_“Little people?” Adelaide asked in anger. “What, like Mia and Yuri? Who decides they're so unimportant? You?”_

_“For a long time now,” the Doctor mused. “I thought I was just a survivor, but I'm not. I'm the winner. That's who I am. The Time Lord Victorious.”_

_“And there's no one to stop you,” she asked._

_“No,” he said with smug finality. They knew no one in the universe could stop him. He was free to do as he pleased._

_“This is wrong, Doctor. I don't care who you are. The Time Lord Victorious is wrong,” Adelaide said._

_“That's for me to decide. Now, you'd better get home,” the Doctor said dismissively. “Oh, it's all locked up. You've been away. Still, that's easy. “_

He pointed his sonic screwdriver at the front door and it opened. 

_“All yours,” he said in a condescending voice._

_“Is there nothing you can't do?” she asked._

_“Not any more,’” he answered, knowing it to be true._

He watched as Adelaide walked up the stairs to her house and he turned his back to return to the Tardis. But he whipped back around when he heard a gunshot. 

In his mind’s eye, they watched as history changed. Adelaide Brooks who was meant to die on Mars died on Earth instead. Her granddaughter, Susie Fontana Brooke, still went into space. 

The future of the human had been saved by Adelaide's selfless act to stop him.

Like a flip of a switch, their anger disappeared and was replaced by a sinking feeling of dread. He had almost doomed a whole race because of his hubris and it made him feel sick. Then, when the Doctor looked down the street, he saw an Ood. The mere sight of it filled him with dread, and his knees buckled, causing him to fall to his knees.

_“I've gone too far,” the Doctor realized. “Is this it? My death? Is it time?” he asked in real fear._

But without answering, the Ood disappeared. 

The Doctor scrambled back onto his feet and opened the door to enter the Tardis. 

___

As the door to the Tardis closed shut, Jamie’s eyes flew open. 

Jamie found himself back in his dingy motel room surrounded by darkness and feeling chills running through his body. He felt cold and his body was shivering uncontrollably. His teeth chattered as he felt his emotions overwhelm him. 

All the anger he felt through the Doctor was gone. To be replaced by the sadness which still gripped his heart and watered his eyes. But, the touch of madness still hovered in his head and unsettled him. It filled his heart with dread and made him feel sick. His mind was unsettled and in turmoil and he could not handle it. 

He longed to forget it all. To run away and disappear from this world. But where would he go he thought, still shivering. Tiredness weighed him down and he longed for his mind to be at peace. So, he pulled the blanket to his chin, hugged his legs to his chest and closed his eyes.

Jamie fell into a deep sleep almost instantly, and he dreamed. He dreamed of his granddaughter Susan laughing beside him before she said goodbye and walked away. He dreamed of Sarah Jane and her long brown hair and large brown eyes as she smiled at him before she changed and became older. He watched as she ran to a teenage boy and hugged him before she vanished. 

He dreamed of Rose dancing in the Tardis as Jack and Mickey joined in before they faded away. Of Martha and Donna chatting and laughing in the Tardis before they too disappeared as well. Of the Tardis full of all the people he loved and the joy he felt when they all cheered as they brought Earth home. But once again, they all disappeared and left him alone.

Jamie remained lost in his dreams until loud knocking on his door brought him back to reality and out of his dreams. 

As Jamie woke up, he noticed he was no longer shivering and cold but he still felt sad and exhausted. He chose to ignore the persistent knocking and covered his head with a blanket until whomever it was eventually left. Leaving him alone. 

But a few minutes later, to his surprise, his door swung open. The light was turned on, and he listened as footsteps approached his bed. The person asked, “Jamie are you awake?” 

Jamie kept his eyes closed and did not answer. 

“Hey Jamie, are you okay?” the person persisted before they gently touched his shoulder and shook him slightly. Jamie recognized the voice, but he did not respond.

He heard the person walk away and heard hushed voices say, 

“Has he eaten anything since he arrived?” 

A female voice replied, “I don’t know. Nothing has been charged to the room and no deliveries have gone by the reception.”

“Okay, thank you. I’ve got it from here,” he heard the voice say, and the door closed.

He heard footsteps again approach his bed before he heard the voice say, “Jamie? Jamie?... Maybe I should have brought Connor.”

He heard movement. “Hello Connor, how long will it take you to get here?”

“Hang up the phone,” Jamie said in a hoarse voice, pulling down the sheet and dragging himself to a sitting position.

“Jamie!” Jake said in surprise. Before hanging up the phone he said, “Never mind, I’ll call you back.” 

"What are you doing here?" Jamie asked. 

“Are you okay?” Jake asked with a look of concern. 

Jamie did not feel okay. He felt anything but okay. But still, he said, “Yeah.”

Jake still looked at him with concern and said, “You look terrible.”

Jake tried to place his hand on Jamie’s forehead, but Jamie hit his hand away.

“Nice to see you too, but you should leave,” Jamie said before he moved to lay back down. 

However, Jake grabbed his arm to stop him. 

“You’re so hot!” Jake said before placing his hand on his forehead which Jamie again hit away.

“I’m okay,” Jamie repeated.

“What happened to your hand?”

Jamie looked at his hand and noticed it was bruised and covered in blood. Distantly, he realized it explained why he felt a dull ache when he moved it. 

“It’s nothing,” Jamie mumbled, hiding it. 

“Have you eaten anything since you left?” Jake asked. 

“I’m okay, I just want to sleep,” Jamie said, feeling tired and getting annoyed. 

“Jamie, it’s been three days since you disappeared without a word. Do you know how worried we’ve all been? And I find you like this,” Jake said. 

Jaime could not hide his surprise. He had lost track of time, but he did not think days had passed since his arrival. But that would likely explain why he felt nauseous and exhausted after three days of no food or water.

Jake looked around the room and it was empty except for Jamie’s helmet and a leather jacket tossed to the floor, which Jamie did not remember removing. 

“Have you just been sleeping since you got here?” Jake asked.

“I can take care of myself. Just leave me alone,” Jamie said dismissively, before laying back down and covering his head again. He felt terrible and he probably looked it.

Jamie heard Jake sigh heavily but he walked out of the room, with the door closing behind him.

Time passed, making Jamie think Jake had left him to his isolation. But then he heard his door open again, and footsteps approach his bed. He heard something being placed on his side table and a chair being dragged.

“Sit up,” Jake instructed.

Jamie opened his eyes again and said, “Which part of leave me alone do you not understand?”

“The only way I’m leaving this room is if you let me look at your hand and you eat something. If you don’t want to, I can get Connor to come up here and hook you up on an IV. It’s your choice.” Jake said, giving him an ultimatum. 

Jamie turned to face Jake and from the look in his eyes, Jamie knew that he was serious. He closed his eyes briefly wishing he could throw Jake out of his room. But, reluctantly he sat up again and glared at Jake. 

“I’m waiting,” Jake said unfazed by Jamie’s look of disconcertment, as he held out his hand.

Jamie grudgingly offered his hand and Jake took it. He had a first aid kit with him and said, “This is going to hurt.”

Jake was right, it did hurt as he cleaned his hand but the pain felt distant and far away. When he was done bandaging his hand, Jake handed him a tray of food.

Jamie scrunched his face in distaste as he examined the food which was a meaty soup with bread and salad on the side. The food looked okay but the smell made him feel even more nauseous.

There was a bottle of water, so Jamie picked it up first and ended up drinking half the bottle, realizing he was really thirsty. Next, Jamie picked up a spoon full of soup and again glared at Jake not wanting to eat. He did not have an appetite at all. But he forced the first mouthful down. It did not taste bad, but he still felt like he wanted to gag. Still, he forced down as much as he could to get Jake to leave him alone. When he could not force himself any longer, he forcefully put down the spoon and asked, “Happy?”

“It’s a start,” Jake said. “Take this as well.”

Jake handed him two pills, and Jamie eyed them suspiciously, but took them and downed them with the remaining water. Then, he lay back down and shielded himself with his blankets. 

Jamie heard a commotion near his bed and Jake placed something down on the side table. 

“This is your phone,” Jake said. “You may want to check it. I’ll be back in the evening to check in on you.” 

Jake took the tray of food with him as he turned off the lights and closed the door behind him. 

Now alone, Jamie thought about the events of the last few days. His head was clearer now despite his exhaustion and he had figured something out. Though he could not explain the psychic connection he shared with the Doctor, he knew what caused their minds to link. When either of them experienced extreme emotions, their minds became connected. Whether it was Donna crying in the Tardis, his fight with Rose over the dimension cannon or after his break up with Rose. Each of those times, their emotions had brought them together.

But knowing this, did not change anything for Jamie. He still had no idea what to do next. He closed his eyes and wished to be back in the Tardis where no one could find him. To hide away in the clouds and forget everything. He had no desire to check his phone or talk to anyone. He only wanted to be alone and to sleep. Before long, he got his wish as he drifted back to sleep.

But before Jamie knew it, a bright light flooded the room again. He turned over to see Jake standing against the window with the curtains open. 

“It’s too bright,” Jamie grumbled.

“I brought you breakfast, “ Jake said. “There are also some new clothes at the end of your bed.”

Jamie remained still wondering how the previous day had blinked by so fast. It felt like Jake had just been there.

“I promise I will only check in on you in the morning and I won’t bother you for the rest of the day if you take a shower and have a bit of your breakfast,” Jake said.

When Jamie did not respond, Jake asked, “Well? Do we have a deal?”

“Why are you here?” Jamie asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Jake asked. “So do we have a deal?”

Jamie sighed but he also knew he felt better today after eating something the previous day. He vaguely remembered Jake coming the previous evening as well. 

“Okay,” Jamie agreed.

“Umm… one other thing,” Jake said.

“What else?” Jamie asked.

“Can I see your hand?”

Jamie held out his hand, and Jake examined it. "It's a lot better today," he said before grabbing more ointment and reapplying it.

When he released his hand, Jamie asked, “Anything else?” 

Jake shook his head and smiled, “You look better today.”

“Okay, you can leave,” Jamie said.

Jake mumbled something but left. 

When Jake left the room, Jamie closed his eyes again and rested his head against the headboard. He felt better but that did not change his situation or how he felt. He still felt sad and wanted nothing more than to run away to a new world. There were still so many places he wanted to visit and people he wanted to meet. He was not sure how 900 years had gone by and he still had so much more he wanted to do. But then, it hit him that even if he could travel anywhere he wanted, he would still be alone. A small part of his mind also wondered if the Time Lord Victorious was also waiting for him. 

Jamie shook his head to clear himself of those thoughts as his nose was filled with the smell of eggs. He sighed heavily and looked at his side table. On it sat a continental breakfast and at the end of his bed were the clothes. His appetite had not returned but humans needed to eat. So, he ate two slices of toast and drank the tea which made him feel slightly better. But not wanting anything else and wanting to get rid of the smell, he placed the food tray in the hallway. 

He grabbed the clothes before walking into the bathroom. He took his time in the shower, wishing the water could wash away his sadness and the creeping doubt which now lingered in his mind. When he was done, he changed into the sweats Jake had brought him. When he walked back into the room, he noticed someone had been in the room to change the sheets. He jumped into bed and fell asleep again. 

A few hours later he heard a knock on the door saying his dinner was outside, but he did not bother getting up.

The next few days passed by as a blur, with Jake checking in on him only once a day as agreed and leaving him to himself for the rest of the day. His hunger was slowly coming back, so now he did answer the door in the evening and was eating some of his dinner. But he still had no desire to do anything other than sleep, even though the overwhelming tiredness had left him. Nor had he touched the books Jake brought or bothered turning on the tv. 

But when Jake checked in on him again, he stood in silence for a while before sitting down at the end of his bed. Jamie watched him but said nothing. 

“I’m worried about you,” Jake said. 

“I told you, I’m fine,” Jamie said. 

Jake frowned as he spoke, “How can you be when you won’t even get up for more than a few minutes?” 

Jamie looked at Jake and could see real concern. Jamie took a deep breath and slowly breathed out but did not reply. 

“When I found you-,” Jake began but stopped. Continuing, he said, “You can’t do this forever.”

Jamie could understand Jake’s concern. He also knew he had not been truthful with him. He had not said a word about his dream of the Doctor, if he could call it a dream. Or that a large chunk of those three days was being stuck in that dream. And that the strain of it had caused him to fall sick.

Jake continued by saying, “Please come back with me to London.”

Jamie shook his head. “I can’t go back there.”

“Why not?” Jake asked.

“I don’t have anywhere to go back to,” Jamie admitted. 

“Of course, you do,” Jake assured him. “Just because you broke up with Rose doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly lost everything.”

“I don’t have a home to go back to. Or a job most likely,” Jamie clarified.

Over the last few days, Jamie had tried to imagine his life back in London without Rose, but he could not. His whole life was too intertwined with her life. He lived in her family’s home, he worked at her father’s company, and all the people he knew were tied to that company. He had not created anything of his own. After months of being in this world, he had nothing to call his own. He had nothing to return to. 

Jake paused for a moment before saying, “Stay with me until we can organize a place for you.”

“Don’t worry about me. Just go back to Torchwood, that’s where you belong,” Jamie said. 

“If it isn’t already painfully obvious, I’m not going anywhere until you do,” Jake said. 

“I know you’re just following orders, but just tell them at Torchwood I quit. They can’t force you to keep staying here,” Jamie said. 

“Is that what you think? That I’m only here because someone at Torchwood told me to be here?” Jake asked. 

When Jamie did not answer Jake laughed which surprised Jamie. 

“I’m hurt,” Jake said. 

“What?” Jamie asked confused. 

“I’m sorry to break it to you, but I came here because I wanted to. Not because anyone asked me to, but because whether you like it or not, I meant it when I said I would take care of you. So, you’re stuck with me now.”

Jamie looked at Jake with a mix of emotions and said, “You don’t have to, you don’t owe me anything.”

“Well, I guess it's something friends do. And that bit about quitting Torchwood, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Take your time coming back if that’s what you need. But you’ve still got a team waiting for you,” Jake said with a smile.

Jamie looked at Jake and did not know what to say, and he told Jake as much.

“Say you’ll come back with me because if you haven’t realized this place is a dump. Next time, please choose a ritzy hotel to camp at,” Jake joked. 

Without meaning to, Jamie found himself smiling.

“Is that a yes to choosing a better hideout next time or leaving?” Jake asked with a smile. 

Jamie rolled his eyes but he was still smiling. Maybe he had achieved something since arriving in this world. He looked at Jake with his expectant eyes. Maybe he could return to London. If he wanted to leave, he could leave at any time.

“I’ll go back with you,” Jamie said.

Jake's smile grew bigger as he said, “Great! Take a shower and have something to eat while I start organizing things in London.” Jake said, standing up. “Take your time getting ready, I’ll be waiting in the reception area."

Jake gave Jamie an encouraging smile before he walked out of the room and closed the door, leaving Jamie alone again. 

This last week Jamie had felt stuck. He felt unable to go back, but he did not know how to move forward either. He did not know how to face Rose after their break-up. He did not want to face Pete who had known from the beginning that things would not work out. Nor did he want to see Jackie who was likely furious with him and wanted nothing more than to slap him straight back into the other universe. He did not want to face any of them. 

But he did not know where to go either. He knew no one in this universe apart from everyone in London. He had felt truly alone for the first time in his life. No family. No friends. No Tardis. 

But now, he knew he had been wrong. He had at least one person he could call a friend. Jamie finally reached for his phone which was still sitting beside his bed and was connected to a charger. He had been avoiding looking at it. Now he scrolled through the missed calls and messages, but he did not see the name he wanted. So he turned it off and threw it on the bed.

He got up and quickly showered and dressed in a navy sweater with dark slacks. By the time he was ready his tea was lukewarm but still drinkable. He also managed to chew down the toast and eggs. After brushing his teeth, he left the room which had been his hideaway for more than a week.

When he got to the reception, he found Jake talking on the phone, but Jake quickly ended the call and walked over. 

“Ready?” Jake asked. 

“You can just drop me off at any hotel in London until I find a place. You don’t have to-,” Jamie began but was cut off.

“I’m going to stop you right there,” Jake interrupted. “I don’t mind you staying at my place for a while. Plus, I already have a place lined up which with any luck will be ready soon.”

“Only if you don’t mind,” Jamie said.

“Didn’t you used to have people stay in your ship all the time?” Jake asked. “Wasn’t that your home?”

“Yes,” Jamie confirmed. 

“So, when I say don’t sweat it, you should know I mean it,” Jake said. “Now that we’re done with the crazy talk, let’s head home.”

Jamie only nodded his head in agreement before Jake led them out front. 

Outside, Jamie looked around for his bike but it was nowhere to be seen. 

When Jake saw him looking, he said, “I had your bike shipped back to London the day I arrived. We can take my car back.” 

Jake led him to a black SUV and took out his keys to unlock the doors before they jumped in. Jake pulled out and started the journey back to London. 

Music played as Jamie sat looking outside at the trees and fields without talking. He did not remember any of the scenery as they drove. The day Jamie left, he had not been thinking when he got on his bike and drove. He barely registered the time or distance as he travelled until he almost ran out of fuel. To his surprise, they drove for almost three hours before they finally entered London. 

As Jake entered London, the surroundings became familiar and he began to wonder if Jake had tricked him and was taking him to Torchwood HQ. However, a few blocks away he pulled into an apartment building and parked, and Jamie realized it made sense that Jake would live close to work. 

Jake took him up to his apartment, which was a simple two-bedroom apartment that was a lot more stylish and organised than Jamie would have expected. 

“Do you want anything to drink?” Jake asked.

“No,” Jamie answered.

“While I’m going to grab a beer,” Jake said walking to his fridge. He pulled one out and asked again, “Are you sure you don’t want anything.”

“Water,” Jamie said.

Jake pulled out a water bottle and closed the fridge. He sat down at the counter and Jamie joined him.

“So, do you want to talk about what happened?” Jake finally asked.

“Not really,” Jamie admitted. 

“Okay,” Jake said and did not push.

“That’s it?” Jamie asked, surprised.

“What?” 

“You were so pushy at the motel,” Jamie said. 

“You needed pushing,” Jake said. “I wasn’t about to spend a month in that place.”

Jamie smiled, wondering how Jake had put up with him. Now that he thought about it, he felt slightly guilty. Jake had driven 3 hours to get to him and had ended up spending almost a week in a rundown motel. 

“Thank you and sorry,” Jamie said. 

“Huh,” Jake replied confused.

“Thank you for coming to get me. It didn’t have to be you but I’m glad it was,” Jamie said sincerely. He had been in an awful place when Jake found him, but Jake had been patient with him and given him the time he needed. He appreciated it. 

“Anytime mate, we’ve all had shitty breakups,” Jake said with a smile. 

“Yeah,” Jamie said, fiddling with the bottle cap of his water bottle. He wondered fleetingly whether he should talk about his dream of the Doctor but he decided against it and ask the other question which had been pressing on his mind. “I was also wondering… how is Rose doing?”

“A lot better than you were,” Jake said.

“I see,” Jamie said. 

“I’m sure she’s dealing with it in her own way,” Jake said, after seeing the look on Jamie’s face.

“As long as she is okay,” Jamie said.

***

Jamie spent a few days at Jake’s place with Jake saying his place was not ready yet. But Jamie had a feeling Jake just wanted to keep an eye on him for a few days. Until finally, Jake took him to his new place. It was also a two-bedroom apartment similar to Jake’s which had been sparsely furnished. Jamie walked around, taking in the place.

“What do you think,” Jake asked.

“It’s good,” Jamie said, having no feeling about it one way or another. They heard a knock on the door and Jamie looked at Jake wondering who could be at the door. 

“Don’t be mad,” Jake said, as he walked over to the door and opened in. 

Jake opened the door to a smiling Connor and Ian, who walked in carrying packs of beer and a bag. 

Connor walked through and gave Jamie a big hug, which caught him off guard. When he pulled away, Connor was smiling genuinely without the usual cynicism. “Welcome back, I knew you couldn’t stay away from us.”

Jamie smiled back. “Thanks.”

Ian placed his beers on the counter and also said, “I’m glad you came back.”

“I guess, I don’t matter,” Jake quipped as he closed the door behind him and came to join them. 

“How can you say that?” Connor defended as they both put down what they were carrying. “We barely survived without our fearless leader.”

“I’m sure you didn’t,” Jake said sarcastically. 

“Of course, we didn’t,” Connor said with mock sincerity. “We’ve just missed our boy genius.” 

“It is good to see you both,” Jamie said honestly. “But what are you doing here?”

“Throwing a housewarming party of course,” Connor said as if it was obvious. 

“I tried to stop them,” Jake defended. 

“Stopping Connor from a party is a near impossibility,” Ian stated. 

“The prodigal son has returned,” Connor said. “How can we not celebrate that.” 

They all took a seat around the dining room table and continued to catch up. 

“We’ve ordered some food which should be arriving soon,” Connor said. “And this is our gift.”

Ian sighed and pushed forward the bag he had been carrying across the table towards him. 

“You didn’t have to buy me anything,” Jamie said, smiling.

Jamie opened it to find a bottle of Cognac.

Jamie frowned, “I don’t drink.”

“But drinking is the surest way to get over a break-up,” Connor said.

“That’s… that’s terrible advice,” Ian said. “But Connor insisted.”

“Anyway, I’m going to have a look around,” Connor said.

Without waiting for permission, Connor stood up and walked down a corridor and disappeared but reappeared relatively quickly. 

“That was a quick tour,” Jake observed. 

“I put a special housewarming gift in your bedroom drawer,” Connor told Jamie as he patted his shoulder and sat beside Jake.

“I would be scared,” Ian teased. 

“Thanks,” Jamie said with a smile, later finding out it was a 24 pack of condoms. 

“Enough talk, let's crack open the beers,” Connor said in excitement. 

“I told you I don’t drink,” Jamie said. 

“It can’t hurt to try,” Connor said, reaching over to grabbing a pack of beers. “There is a first time for everything.”

“If he doesn’t want to try it, then leave it at that,” Jake said and offered, “There is pop or juice in the fridge.”

“Give the man a chance to try it,” Connor insisted, putting a hand on Jake’s shoulder to stop him from standing. 

Connor distributed beers to everyone but opened Jamie’s before sliding it to him. Connor looked at him with expectant eyes, and Jamie could tell the others were also watching him. 

Jamie sighed and mumbled under his breath as he took the beer can. “This never ends well.” 

Jamie took a sip and immediately regretted it. 

“Horrible,” he grimaced. 

Connor laughed, “You just have to get used to it. No one likes it on the first go.”

Jake stood up and grabbed a can of pop in the fridge for Jamie and took away his beer. 

“You’re no fun, how is he going to learn to drink if no one teaches him,” Connor pouted at Jake but then he brightened up. “But whatever, more beer for us.”

Jamie looked around the table at his teammates as they continued chatting away animatedly, and he was struck by a thought. When he had broken up with Rose, he had thought he had nothing of his own and had lost everything. But his teammates, no friends, had come when he needed them most. He had only failed to appreciate them. 

“You okay,” Jake asked when Jamie had been abnormally quiet for a while.

“I’m good,” Jamie said with a smile.

There was a knock on the door and Connor stood up. “That’s the food.”

At the end of the evening, a fairly tipsy Ian helped a drunk Connor home while Jake stayed behind to help clean. As Jake made to leave as well, he said, 

“Remember what I said, you can come back to Torchwood whenever you’re ready.”

“I think I’m ready now,” Jamie said, surprising Jake. 

“Are you sure?” Jake asked.

“I’ll see you all at work tomorrow,” Jamie said smiling.

Smiling back, Jake wished him good night and also left.

___

The following morning, Jamie was woken up by incessant knocking on his door. Still blurry-eyed, he opened the door to see an anxious Jake standing at his door. 

“What’s wrong?” Jamie asked, knowing it was still too early for work.

“So, you haven’t heard then?” Jake asked, looking at Jamie who was still in his PJs. 

“Heard what?” Jamie asked, rubbing his eyes to clear the sleep away. 

“Haven’t you looked at your phone?” Jake asked. 

“No,” Jamie answered. 

Jake seemed to hesitate but said, “It’s Rose. She is leaving to head up the New Germany division of Torchwood in Frankfurt.”

“What?” Jamie said, snapping to attention. 

“She put in the request yesterday, and they approved it immediately,” Jake explained. 

“When does she leave?”

“Now, this morning,” Jake said. 

“I have to go and talk to her,” Jamie said, 

Jamie wanted to rush out immediately, but Jake stopped him and said, “Get changed first, I have my car waiting out front.”

Jamie looked down at himself, realizing what he was wearing. He rushed back to his room and quickly changed. He grabbed his phone and turned it on, realizing he had never turned it back on. He saw Jake’s messages come in before he dialled Rose's number, but it went straight to voicemail. He tried again before he rushed downstairs and jumped into Jake’s car.

“We are heading to the airstrip,” Jake said as he started driving. “A friend let me know she will be leaving soon.”

As Jake drove through the early morning traffic, Jamie thought about his last conversation with Rose and knew he did not want the last time they spoke to be their break-up. After everything, he could not let her just leave, he also wished to at least say goodbye. 

As they drove up to the airstrip, it looked empty. When they arrived, they confirmed it was empty. Jake went to find out and when he returned, the look on his face already told him what they already knew. 

“I’m sorry,” Jake said when he reached him. “We are too late, they left 20 minutes ago. 

Jamie looked at his phone and called Rose’s number again, but it went straight to voicemail. He stood on the tarmac and stared at the clear blue sky. There was nothing to say. Rose was gone, and there was nothing he could do. 

Jake asked if he still wanted to return to work that day, and Jamie only nodded. Mopping at home would not change anything. So they went to Torchwood HQ in silence. When they arrived at their team’s base, they found Connor and Ian already there. After greeting him and expressing joy at Jamie’s return, they both fell unusually silent. 

Jamie knew they probably had questions, but they both remained silent even as Ian brought him up to speed on what he had missed. Until there was a knock at the door and Anya, Pete's secretary, walked in. 

She smiled and greeted everyone but turned to Jamie and said, “Jamie do you have a moment, Mr Tyler would like to speak with you.”

There was a long pause which seemed to fill up the room before Jamie nodded and agreed. His teammates watched him walk out but did not say anything. 

As Jamie made his way up, he was nervous. He knew he would have to talk to Pete at some point but he still was not looking forward to it. 

When they arrived in front of his door, Anya said, “You can walk right in. He is expecting you.”

Jamie went forward and took a breath before he opened the door and walked in. 

“Jamie!” Pete said, standing up and walking towards him. 

“I know what you’re going to say and I’m sorry,” Jamie started. “I thought I could make Rose happy and I never imagined things would end up like this.”

“I’m happy you’re back,” Pete said with a small smile. 

“Huh,” Jamie said in surprise. He had been expecting to be reprimanded or even fired. He had not expected that statement.

“How have you been?” Pete asked. 

“Ummm… ummm… okay,” Jamie said.

Seeming to read his mind, Pete said, “I don’t blame you for what happened between you and Rose. Of course, I had hoped that things would have worked out between you two and I’m sorry they didn’t.”

“So am I, “ Jamie said.

“And I don't blame you for Rose leaving. I trust her, even though she can be a little headstrong. So if she feels getting a new start is what she needs to do, then I’m going to support her,” Pete said.

Jamie nodded his head.

Pete continued by saying, “I am glad you decided to come back.”

“I wasn’t sure I would be welcome,” Jamie confessed.

“Did you think I’d kick you out because of what happened?” Pete asked. 

“I wasn’t sure what you would do,” Jamie said.

“Both me and Jackie care about you. So can you do me a favour,” Pete asked. 

“Anything,” Jamie answered.

“Please call Jackie,” Pete asked. 

“I will,” Jamie said. 

As Jamie left Pete’s office, he thought the conversation had gone better than he would have expected. But he was not sure things would go as smoothly with Jackie. As he entered the elevator and went down, he took out his phone and opened it. He saw he had 17 missed calls from her. He checked his messages and saw countless texts from her. He began strolling through them and what he saw surprised him. Except for the first three messages which expressed some anger, all the rest were messages of concern and worry. 

When he exited, without hesitating any further, he hit the call button. The call was answered almost immediately. 

“Jamie?” Jackie asked in surprise. 

“Hello,” Jamie said tentatively. “Yeah, it's me.”

“Where are you?” Jackie asked.

“I'm… I'm at work,” Jamie answered.

“Can you come home now?” Jackie asked.

“Home? I don’t think I-,”

“Not one word of refusal,” Jackie said. “Just come home please.” 

Jamie hesitated but found himself agreeing, “Okay.” 

When he entered his base, he found his teammates waiting for him. Unable to hide their curiosity they began flooding him with questions 

“How did it go?” 

“What did he say?”

“Was he angry?”

When Jamie finished telling them, Connor asked, “That was it?” 

“Yeah,” Jamie confirmed. 

“No, I will gut you for breaking my daughter’s heart,” Connor asked, before assuming a mafia-style accent and continuing, “Or I will make sure you never work in this city again.” 

“Connor honestly?!” Jake said exasperated. 

“He is speaking from experience,” Ian added. 

“Jake, can I ask you a favour?” Jamie asked. 

“Sure, what is it?” 

“Can I borrow your car, I need to go somewhere,” Jamie said. 

“Of course,” Jake said as he grabbed his keys and handed them over. 

“Thank you,” Jamie said, taking the keys and walking out. 

When Jamie arrived at the Tyler residence, he knocked on the door still feeling nervous. It felt weird to be back at the Tyler’s residence. When he left this house last, he had no idea he would only be returning weeks later, with everything changed. 

When the door swung open, he saw Jackie stone-faced and staring at him hard. 

“Hi,” Jamie said unsure what else to say. 

He had ignored her calls and stayed away, and he was the reason Rose was gone. Jamie was not sure what he was expecting, but he did not expect to see Jackie's face soften into one of exasperation and for her to hug him. He was so surprised he did not react at all but stood completely still. 

When she released him, she looked him over.

“You’re so skinny,” Jackie said with genuine concern. “Come inside, I’ll make you something to eat.”

Jamie felt a sense of guilt at how worried Jackie looked as she pulled him inside.

“Jackie you don’t have to. I’m fine,” Jamie said, stopping her.

Jackie stopped but asked, “When are you moving back in?”

“Moving back?” 

“Yes, when are you coming home?" Jackie asked again. 

"I thought that after everything that happened… I thought you wouldn’t want me here.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jackie stated. “This is still your home too.”

Jamie looked at Jackie in surprise. 

It never crossed his mind that he would ever be allowed to live under this roof again. 

“Shouldn’t you be angry?” Jamie asked. 

“Oh, I was, but because you disappeared without a word. I have been worried sick,” Jackie said, which made Jamie feel guilty. 

“I guess this would not be a good time to tell you I already moved into a new place,” Jamie said tentatively.

“You what?” Jackie asked, taken aback. “How? Where?”

“I found a place not too far from work,” Jamie answered.

“I had thought you viewed us as family,” Jackie said sadly.

Jamie took a breath and spoke honestly.

“But I don’t belong here any longer. Not now that Rose left because of me. I’m not sure I did even when she was here,” Jamie confessed.

“How can you say that? We’ve loved having you with us. I couldn’t have imagined you not staying with us,” Jackie said.

“I also couldn’t imagine living anywhere else when I first arrived,” Jamie confirmed. “But I’m not moving out to hurt you or because I’m ungrateful, I’m doing it because it’s something I need to do. To find my place in this world.”

“If it’s something you need to do,” Jackie said, “then I won’t stop you.”

“It is,” Jamie confirmed. 

“But know you can come back anytime,” Jackie said. “And you better visit often too, Tony would be devastated if you didn’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye Rose.
> 
> I feel like these first few chapters were just one long prologue to the story I actually wanted to write. Please look forward to the next chapter.
> 
> Next Chapter: A familiar face ;)


	13. A Familiar Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so excited about writing this chapter. I hope you enjoy it as well!

The weeks seemed to flow purposefully onward for Jamie as he threw his full focus into work. They stopped a rogue doctor using eggs from a Mayfly as a miracle cure to all known diseases which eventually killed its human hosts. They took a trip to Cardiff to capture a Weevil wrecking havoc in the city. Caught a thief using a primitive version of a Transmat bracelet to teleport into bank vaults. And that day had tracked down a glowing red-and-black meteor, which it’s now deceased owner had called the Pulse. Everyone had wrongly believed it had healing powers, but Jamie had found out it was a coded message from an unknown alien race.

The code listed coordinates to a faraway galaxy which seemed to be the origin of the message. In his universe, that area of space would have been empty. However, that did not seem to be the case in this universe. So, the only way to determine the origin of the code was to go to the coordinates. But with the current technology available to Earth, it would take a human a hundred lifetimes to reach it. Therefore, there was no way to reach it, and thus, they would never know the origin or the reason for the message. The knowledge that he could never travel there and would never know who its authors were weighed heavy on Jamie’s mind. His teammates sensed this, so when he volunteered to stay behind and complete all the reports, they left him to his solitude. 

Jamie completed the reports, but after he was done, he had no desire to leave. He sat tapping his pen against the table feeling listless. Every night felt the same to him. He returned to an empty apartment with bare white walls which felt oppressive and suffocating. He had tried filling up his time with various little projects, but he would soon abandon them, having no motivation. It all seemed so meaningless and pointless. So, he found most of his evenings filled with the emptiness he wished to flee every morning.

Over a month had flown by since Rose’s departure, not only from London but his life, and he felt she had taken away a piece of him. Or maybe her leaving had shown him he was missing something. He still came into work every day and threw all his efforts into his job, yet nothing seemed to excite him or pique his interest anymore. His work felt like a chore, but at least it gave him something to do. 

But today he felt agitated. Like his life was limited. He could feel pent up energy building within him and wanting to burst, but he had nowhere to direct it. Feeling frustrated, Jamie decided to ride on his bike, hoping it would clear his mind.

As Jamie cruised through the busy streets of London, feeling the wind around him, he remembered the day he had fled it all and wound up at a dingy motel hundreds of miles from London. He knew he could not just disappear again, but Jamie wished he could lose himself to the blur of lights and sounds. Revving the motor, he picked up speed and expertly weaved through traffic, letting the world fall away as he felt his heart rate pick-up. 

He tried to let all thoughts of the day fall away, even as he continued to contemplate his life and where it was headed. He had no destination and just drove, and he felt his life was the same way. Trying to draw his mind from looking internally, he focused on the sun setting somewhere on the horizon, casting long shadows across the city as the light faded. 

The city lights began to twinkle into life as car headlights glared across his vision. He wished his mind could be at ease, yet tonight it felt impossible. Memories kept coming back to him. The look of anger the Doctor had directed his way as he accused him of genocide. Being abandoned in this universe as Rose ran out of his arms and to the fading Tardis. Rose slapping him in Torchwood. Allowing Christina’s death to occur. The disastrous date with Rose at the Shard. Rose’s eyes filling with tears as she clenched her fists and told him she wanted to end it. He always seemed to mess up. He wondered if he had done anything right since his creation. Or worse still, whether he could do worse in the future. 

Jamie again revved his engine, his ears filling with the roar of the engine beneath him. The sound of life was around him, but he did not know yet where he fit in. Jamie had always felt at home in the stars – in the Tardis. He still missed it. He imagined himself back within her protective walls and hearing the soft hum of the console. 

A deep sadness settled over him, but he was unsure whether it was his own sadness or someone else’s. All he knew as he looked around the console room was he could not escape what would happen, and that filled him with an intense sense of despair.

_“I don’t want to go.”_

Jamie barely registered the hood of a car pulling out in front of him and cutting him off, before he faintly heard the crunch of metal against metal. As his bike crashed into the front of the car, he was propelled through the air, feeling a surge of pain flow through his body. He felt like every atom in his body was splitting apart as he was engulfed in bright golden light as he flew across the car. He unconsciously stretched out his hands to break his fall but heard the distinct sound of something snapping as his mind seemed to break apart.

As he landed hard on the tarmac, he felt real pain shoot across the right side of his body. The last thing he thought as he rolled a few metres down the road was he was dying, and it was unfair.

___

When Jamie came back to, his head buzzed with noise which filled his ears. He could see spots in his vision, making him wonder if he was looking at a galaxy full of stars. But then he heard a jumble of voices rising around him.

Jamie forced his mind to concentrate. However, he could not make sense of any of the noise around him. Jamie tried to move but felt a shooting pain running up the right side of his body. He attempted to move his right arm, but it felt like lead. But the pain helped him focus on the chatter of noise around him which grew louder and louder until he could make out words. 

He lifted his visor with his left hand and looked around at the sea of faces above him. 

“Thank God!” he heard a frantic woman say. “I am so sorry, I didn’t see you. Are you okay? Has anyone called an ambulance?” 

Jamie blinked up at the woman and attempted to get up, but someone held him down.

“Don't get up,” a new stranger said. “That was a bad accident. You could hurt yourself more if you keep moving.”

“I’m fine,” Jamie mumbled even though he felt anything but fine. 

When Jamie heard the sound of sirens blaring in the distance, he tried to lift his right arm again but found he still could not move it. So he turned his head to look at his arm and saw it was bent oddly. The sharp pain in his right side was also becoming more persistent. He looked back up at the sky as the woman from before was now hysterical and crying.

“The ambulance is almost here,” the second stranger said as he heard the frantic woman say, “he has to go to a hospital.”

Suddenly coming to his senses, Jamie said, “I’m okay, I don’t need to go to the hospital.” But no one seemed to be listening to him. 

As the ambulance arrived, Jamie’s protestations continued to fall on deaf ears as the paramedics placed braces on his neck and arm and ferried him inside the ambulance. Before he knew it, he found himself sitting in a hospital bed with a resident approaching him with a needle. 

“What are you doing?” Jamie asked. 

“I’m taking a blood sample,” the resident stated. 

“No, you’re not,” Jamie refused. 

“It’s standard practice for accidents,” the resident said approaching him. 

“Don’t touch me,” Jamie said firmly.

“It doesn’t hurt, I promise. It’s just a small prick,” the resident said. 

“Don’t you dare take another step closer,” Jamie threatened which caused the resident to stop. 

The resident stared at Jamie unsure what to do. But Jamie knew he could not let anyone take his blood. If they did, they could discover what he was, and they could report him. 

“I’ll get the doctor,” the resident said before disappearing behind the curtains shielding his bed. 

Jamie finally let himself relax now that he was alone. But he knew he could not let his guard down until he got out. He had barely had time to think since the accident, but he knew it was dangerous for him to be here. Ignoring the pain, he used his uninjured arm to sit up as he said, “I don’t need a doctor, I need to leave.”

As the words left his lips, the curtain parted, and the doctor walked in with the resident behind him. 

“You don’t need a doctor, do you?” she asked, looking at his arm which had still not been cast and was swelling.

Jamie stared at her dumbstruck as he leaned back against the raised bed. Before he could stop himself, he breathed out, “Martha!”

Doctor Martha Jones stopped as she reached for his chart to stare at him. 

“Do we know each other?” she asked, taking the chart and reading his name, “Jamie Noble.”

“No, no you don’t,” Jamie stuttered, still staring at her. “No, we haven’t met.”

“Then how did you know my name?” Martha asked. 

“Umh,” he said, tugging his ear with his good arm. “The nurse told me your name.”

“How odd,” Martha said, frowning. As a trauma surgeon, she was generally in the emergency, but she had not been scheduled to work today. Furthermore, Martha had only come in because they were short-staffed after a big pile-up on the freeway earlier. She had just arrived when the frantic resident behind her came running in a panic. 

Martha looked at Jamie curiously, not sure what to think. 

“You do not want a blood sample taken?” Martha asked. 

“No,” Jamie agreed. 

“While we can take the test another way. We could do a breath test?”

“What test?” Jamie asked. 

Martha looked at the resident who seemed to squirm before she turned back to Jamie and said, “When you are brought in because of an accident, we are mandated to take an alcohol test.”

“Oh!” Jamie said. 

“It does not have to be a blood test, we can take a breath test,” she said. 

“Okay,” Jamie agreed. 

Martha turned to the resident and said, “Well?”

“Yes, sorry. I’ll go and get it now,” the resident said before rushing off. 

Martha smiled, “Do you mind if I take a look at your arm?”

“Yes,” Jamie said which caused Martha to pause before he corrected himself. "I mean no."

Jamie watched as Martha gently took his arm into her hands. With her fingertips, she began to press gently, feeling along the length of his arm. When Jamie winced, she apologised and released his arm.

“It looks like a bad break?” she commented before checking his uninjured arm.

“Not really, just some bruising,” Jamie tried to dismiss as he continued to stare at her. She looked exactly like his Martha, or the Doctor’s Martha Jones. He wondered if the Doctor had never met Martha in his universe if this was what Martha would have done? Worked in a hospital and never joined UNIT? But when he thought of the Doctor, his heart became heavy, and he had to stop.

“You were in an accident?” Martha asked.

“I fell off my motorcycle,” he answered as his eyes followed her. 

“Just fell?” Martha asked, smiling. 

“More like a crash,” Jamie admitted. 

Having completed her examination of his arms, she asked, “Do you feel any other pain?”

“Nope.”

“Can I check?” she asked.

“Sure.”

Martha felt around his head for any bumps and then asked, “Do you have any trouble breathing or a headache?”

“No,” he answered automatically. He did not need more tests done. 

Martha started her examination of Jamie to ensure there were no other injuries. When she touched his right-side, he winced. 

“Can I lift your shirt?” Martha asked. 

“I’m usually asked out to dinner first,” Jamie joked but added, “Sure.”

Martha gave him a bemused smile as she lifted his shirt and saw the bruising along his side. She felt gently along the skin before she lowered his shirt. She took out her stethoscope and moved in closer to press it on his chest. 

“Can you breathe in for me,” Martha asked, and Jamie did. Seeming satisfied with his lungs, she listened to his heartbeat. She looked up, and her eyes met Jamie’s. Without thinking, Jamie winked which caught Martha off guard and caused her to blush. 

Amusement flashed in her eyes as she pulled away from Jamie. "Apart from your right arm, it seems you were lucky. You have likely fractured your foreman. I’m going to have them do an x-ray before we get it set and get a cast on. But I’m also worried about your ribs, so we will have them checked to be sure.” 

“Can’t you just throw a sling on my arm?” Jamie asked, knowing he was not meant to be receiving any medical treatment outside of Torchwood. 

Martha again looked at Jamie curiously, having never had anyone refuse treatment after such a bad injury. 

“We need the x-rays to confirm the location and severity of the fracture,” Martha explained. “If you have any fears about the equipment being used I can-,”

“No, it’s not that,” Jamie explained. “It's just, I have my own doctor at Torchwood. If you can just slap a sling on, I will go and have them examine me.”

“I can give them a call and have you transferred there immediately,” Martha answered. “Who is your doctor?”

But then Jamie had second thoughts. If the hospital called Torchwood, it would be only a matter of time before Jackie and Pete found out and they would likely make a big fuss and rush to Torchwood. Which would lead to questions. He did not want that.

After watching Jamie for a moment in silence, Martha said, “I can assure you, the doctors and medical staff in our hospital are as well trained as Torchwood. It won’t take long to get the x-rays, and once we have placed a cast on you, you will be free to go.”

Martha saw a strange look pass over Jamie’s face so she said, “Trust us with this and then you can be on our way.”

“Okay,” Jamie finally relented. 

“I’ve got it,” the resident said coming back with the breathalyser. 

“Great,” Martha said. “Conduct the test and then have him sent up for x-rays. I’ve marked his chart with what to do,” she said, handing it to them. 

Martha turned to leave, but Jamie called out, “Wait!” 

“Yes,” she said, turning back.

Jamie knew he could not just let her leave. Different excuses and reasons for making her stay raced through his head, and he asked, “Will you be setting the cast?” 

“No, that will be another doctor,” Martha explained. 

“Can I see you again?” Jamie asked. 

“I’m sorry?” Martha said, taken aback.

“Can I meet you again but outside the hospital,” Jamie asked. 

Martha stared at Jamie, not sure what to think of him. She was also aware of the resident who was not so discretely staring at them. “I have a policy of not dating my patients.” 

“But, I’m not really your patient, am I? I’ll be out of here as soon as I’ve got the cast on my hand,” he said.

“I appreciate the offer, but I have to refuse,” Martha said before walking out and closing the curtains behind her.

Despite Martha’s refusal, Jamie smiled to himself. Why had he not thought of checking if Martha was in this world as well? He had considered finding out if Donna existed in this universe but had been holding it off. Only because Jamie was not sure what he would do if he saw her again. But Martha had walked back into his life, and he had to take it as some sort of sign from the universe. What were the odds of meeting the same person by chance in two different universes?

The x-rays and casting of his hand were a tedious process, and at the end of it, he had an offensive block of whiteness encasing his arm. He also hated the sling, which hindered his hand movements. But during that time, he had made up his mind to see Martha, he just had to find her again.

As he pretended to leave, he looked around trying to spot Martha without success. He saw the resident from before and flashing his most disarming smile, he approached them. “Hi, I’m looking for Martha, I mean Dr Jones.”

The resident looked him over and asked, “Why? You have been released.”

“Yes, but I need to have a word with her before I leave,”

They looked at him suspiciously and said, “You can find her over there,” they said, jerking their head in a general direction.

“Thanks,” he said before heading there. He had to poke his head into a few places before he spotted her exiting a patient’s room. She stopped and took out her phone to look at it. He walked towards her, and before he reached her, she looked up and saw him.

“Mr Noble, shouldn’t you have been discharged?” she asked. 

“I came to see if you’d changed your mind. I’m no longer a patient,” he said motioning to his hand in the sling. 

“You seem nice but I have to refuse. I’m not looking for a relationship,” Martha said. 

“Neither am I,” he replied.

Martha raised her eyebrows. 

“I mean can we be friends… who… share coffee?”

“Coffee?” she asked with a bemused smirk. 

“Yes, coffee won’t hurt,” he said. Jamie could see Martha still hesitating so he added, “What if I told you we knew each other?”

Martha looked at him with interest and asked, “We do?”

“Yes,” Jamie said. 

“How?” 

“What would you say if I said we were friends in another universe,” Jamie asked. 

Martha almost laughed. That was a terrible pick-up line, she thought. “I would have to consider getting you a brain scan.”

“Of course, you would,” Jamie said, thinking. “But I feel like I do know you. And it’s only coffee.” 

Martha still hesitated, not sure what to think of Jamie. He seemed eccentric for sure, but he oddly intrigued her. Maybe in another life, she did know him, she laughed to herself. 

“Okay, but only as friends,” she emphasised. “What’s your number?”

“Uh,” Jamie said, not knowing what his number was. He rummaged through his pockets and took out his phone. “It’s a new phone and I don’t remember the number.” 

She shook her head but smiled and took his phone. She added her number and handed it back to him. 

“But my schedule keeps me rather busy,” she warned.

“That’s fine. Till we meet again, Doctor Jones,” Jamie said, smiling. 

She smiled and walked away.

Clutching his phone in his hand, he walked out of the hospital feeling excited for the first time in a long while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Martha has finally joined the story! 
> 
> I hope it wasn’t too long of a wait as I have been so anxious to write Martha into the story. I also hope you liked how I mirrored their meeting to be similar with the show. The second half of the story also marks the beginning of the more adventure-based side of the story. 
> 
> Next Chapter: Coffee


	14. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Martha walked into the coffee shop and spotted a familiar face. Jamie waved excitedly, and she walked towards him. But as she made her way to join him, she still was not sure what had possessed her to agree to this. 

As she reached him, she smiled. “Hi.”

“Thanks for meeting me,” Jamie said, giving her a warm smile.

“You were very persistent,” Martha said, returning his smile as she removed her bag and jacket before sitting down. 

“Well…,” Jamie said, seeming at a loss for words as he ran his uninjured hand through his wild hair.

“How’s your arm?” Martha asked.

“Like someone put it in a brick of cement,” Jamie joked. 

Martha grinned. “You should have it off in 8 weeks. Maybe that will be enough time to make you consider getting rid of your motorbike.”

“You don’t like motorbikes?” Jamie asked. 

“I’m a trauma surgeon,” Martha said. “I’ve treated a fair number of motorcycle accidents, and it’s generally not a pleasant sight.” 

“Well, you’ll be happy to hear my bike was totalled and someone took the liberty of buying me a car instead,” Jamie said. Jackie had freaked out when she found out about his accident. After chewing him out for ever owning a bike, she had handed him a pair of keys to a new car. He tried to refuse, but Jackie would not take no for an answer. “But before we continue, can I get you something?”

Jamie already had a drink in front of him, so Martha said, “No worries, I’ll grab something myself.” 

She stood up and walked to the counter to order a cup of coffee with a scone before returning to the table. When Martha sat back at the table, she took a sip of a coffee and asked, “So what’s your story?”

“That’s a difficult question to answer just over coffee,” Jamie replied.

“Fine then, what do you do?”

“I work for Torchwood.”

“So, I guessed,” Martha said. “What do you do there?”

“I’m an astrophysicist,” he answered. 

“You study the stars?” Martha said, surprised. “I did not expect that.” 

“What did you expect?”

Martha hummed as she thought. “I’m not sure, to be honest,” she admitted. 

Most people saw Torchwood as a militant organization and associated it with the problems they had experienced over the last few years. However, Jamie had struck her as different. That was part of the reason Martha had agreed to give him her number. He intrigued her.

“How did you start working there?” Martha asked. 

“I was scouted,” Jamie said. “What about you. I’m interested to hear about your life as well.”

Martha smiled, “You already know most of it.” 

“I do?” Jamie asked, looking confused. 

“I’m a trauma surgeon, most of my life is spent at the hospital,” she replied.

“Right,” Jamie said, seeming disappointed. “But there must be more?”

“My life is not that exciting,” Martha answered. She really did spend most of her time at the hospital. Besides, her speciality also meant it was not uncommon for her to be called in for an emergency like on the day they met. 

“What about telling me why you wanted to be a doctor?” Jamie asked. 

“It’s just something I’ve always wanted to be for as long as I can remember,” Martha said. There had only ever been one choice for her, she thought. 

Jamie gave her a knowing smile which puzzled her. She had gotten the same feeling at the hospital - that Jamie knew her. But she could not explain it because she would remember if they ever met. 

“But why did you choose to be a trauma surgeon,” he asked.

“I was a resident when the troubles started,” Martha explained. “As you know, there was a huge need for doctors at the time, especially trauma surgeons. I was also swayed by my mentor.”

“Your mentor?” Jamie asked. 

“Yes, his name was Dr Milligan-"

“Tom Milligan?” Jamie cut in.

Martha paused to stare at Jamie again. “How… it’s Tim Milligan. Did you know him?”

“Only in passing,” Jamie said, smiling back at her. “Where is he now?” 

Martha paused again before she said, “He didn’t survive.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“He actually worked with Torchwood as well before-,” but Martha stopped. “Is that how you knew him?” 

“Yes,” Jamie answered. “Did you never want to work for Torchwood too?” 

“Maybe once I may have considered it, but not after what happened to my cousin or after Tim's death,” Martha said. 

“Your cousin?” Jamie asked. 

“She died during the first invasion of the Cybermen,” Martha explained. 

“I’m sorry,” Jamie said again. He had forgotten the same thing had happened to Martha’s cousin in his world. So far, this Martha’s life seemed similar to his own.

“I don’t know why I’m talking about this,” Martha said, looking down into a coffee. It still pained her sometimes to think about what happened. She preferred not to think. “I never talk about this.” 

“I’m glad you’re able to talk about it with me,” Jamie said. 

Yet, that was what worried Martha, she thought as she looked up at Jamie. Why did she seem to trust him so easily? She could not put her finger on it, but there was something about him that was disarming. She needed to be careful.

“What about you?” Martha asked. “When did you start working for Torchwood?” 

“It hasn’t been that long. I only started a few months ago,” Jamie said.

“Only a few months? I thought you knew Tim from Torchwood,” Martha said.

“I didn’t work with Torchwood when I met him,” Jamie said. “Like you, I never thought I would work for them. However, my life changed, and I ended up there.”

“It changed?” Martha asked, curious. 

“When I arrived in London," Jamie explained. "I needed a fresh start, and Torchwood seemed like the right place.” 

“Where were you before coming to London?”

“Another universe,” Jamie said without thinking.

“Where?” Martha asked, looking at him quizzically. 

“I mean, it felt like another universe,” Jamie corrected. Martha had not taken him seriously when he tried to tell her he was from a parallel universe. So, he did not want to risk her believing he was crazy on their first meeting. 

“Was it that different from London?” Martha asked. 

“Ummm… yes,” Jamie answered.

“How?” Martha persisted.

But Jamie was saved from thinking up a response which made sense when Martha’s phone rang. When she answered it, she found out she was needed back at the hospital. 

“I have to go,” Martha said, standing up.

“Can we meet again?” Jamie asked before she left.

“Sure,” Martha said, before taking off.

And they did meet. Despite Martha’s scepticism, they fell quickly into an easy friendship. It felt so natural that Martha felt she had known Jamie longer than she had. 

So she was surprised when they met, and Jamie seemed out of sorts. 

After ten minutes of onesided talk as Jamie mumbled responses, Martha asked, “Alright, what is it?”

“What?”

“What’s on your mind?” Martha asked.

“It’s nothing,” Jamie said.

“You haven’t spoken a coherent sentence since you got here. You’ve barely drunk your tea and you keep twirling and tapping your pen, which might I add is really annoying,” Martha said. 

Jamie looked at his hand that was still twirling his pen. He stopped and frowned at it before slipping the pen back in his pocket.

"So, as I said, what’s on your mind?” Martha asked.

"It's not important," Jamie said as he picked up his tea and took a sip. But he frowned and Martha guessed it was because it was cold. 

“If it’s nothing then you won’t mind telling me,” Martha said. 

Jamie sighed. Knowing Martha, she would not let it go. “There is someone from my past I need to meet, but I keep hesitating,” he said.

“Why? Did something happen between you two?” Martha asked. 

“No, it's not that,” Jamie said. 

Martha could see his mind turning, but when he spoke Jamie said, “No, forget it.”

“If it’s weighing on your mind so much, maybe you should meet them,” Martha said. 

“But what if they hate me? Or I can’t find them? Or worse?” Jamie asked. 

“You won’t know what you’ll find until you meet them,” Martha said. 

“So you would meet them, no matter what you find?” Jamie asked.

Martha nodded. “I would rather know than hide from it.”

Jamie gave Martha a strange look when she said that, but he said, “Okay, you’re right.”

___

When Jamie arrived back at Torchwood, he looked for Jake and found him discussing something with Ian in their base.

“Jake are you busy?” Jamie asked.

“Ian is just telling me some web chatter of this supposed terrorist organization called Red Doors,” Jake answered.

“So you’re not busy,” Jamie said. 

Jake gave Ian a sympathetic look and said, “Sorry.” 

“Whatever,” Ian said, turning to his laptop 

Jake walked over and asked, “What’s up?”

"Can you find people?" Jamie asked.

"Yep, anyone in the world," Jake answered.

"Can you find someone for me?"

"Sure, who are you looking for? 

"Her name is Donna Noble."

"Noble? As in your last name Noble," Jake asked.

"Yep, the same one. Can you do it?" 

Jake paused, looking like he was about to refuse but instead said, "Sure, if she's in this world, it should be easy."

"Thanks," Jamie said before walking across the room to his desk. 

At the end of the day, Jake walked over and handed Jamie a file. "Here you go.”

"What's this?" 

"The file on Donna, no longer named, Noble," Jake said.

“Was it that easy?” Jamie asked. 

“Yeah.”

Jamie snatched up the file and immediately began reading it. Her name here was now Donna Temple. 

"Who's Donna anyway?" Jake asked as he grabbed a chair to sit at Jamie's desk. He had already read the file but was curious as he knew she was the Doctor's companion from Rose’s work with the dimension cannon. 

"She was my mate," Jamie said as a private smile formed on his lips. He continued to flip through the file and continued, "Actually, she was more than that. She was my best friend."

Jamie read that Donna was a temp here as well, and she was married to Joshua Temple. They had a son together called Wilfred Junior Temple.

"I want to see her," Jamie said as he continued looking through the file. 

"Why?" Jake asked.

"I just want to make sure she is okay."

"What would you even say to her?"

"I don't know, I just want to see her."

"You know she doesn't know who you are?" Jake said. 

"I'm not an idiot, I know that,” Jamie said dismissively. 

Jake sighed as he said, "I can take you to her tomorrow, but you have to promise you will not speak to her."

Jamie smiled and nodded his head, not looking up. 

The following day, Jake parked the car outside a grocery store, and Jamie looked around in confusion, “I thought you said we were going to see Donna.”

Jake pointed at a small silver car and said, “That’s her car. If we sit tight, she'll be out in a few minutes.” After a moment, Jake said, “You know, I was surprised when you asked me for this favour.”

“Why?” Jamie asked, watching the store exit. 

“You hadn’t asked me for anything before,” Jake said. “To be honest, I was actually worried about you.”

“Why would you be worried? I’m doing just fine,” Jamie said.

“After everything that recently happened, wouldn’t it be more surprising if I hadn’t been worried?” Jake asked. 

Jamie glanced at Jake and said, “You hid it well.” 

“You don’t know how much I had to hold myself back when we got back to London. I wanted to ask you a million questions,” Jake said. 

Jamie looked at Jake, “I thought it was odd you suddenly went quiet.”

“I thought I needed to give you time to sort things out. To decide what you really want,” Jake said. 

Jamie thought about that. What did he really want? He had thought all he needed was a life with Rose. When that fell apart, his whole life seemed to fall apart as well. He had been sad but also angry. Not at Rose, but at the Doctor for getting everything he wanted. But he could not feel angry at the Doctor anymore, not after what he happened to him. He still did not want to think about it. 

“What if I’m still not sure what I want?” Jamie asked.

“Then maybe you need to think about what sort of life you want as a starting point?” Jake offered. “It was selfish of me to want you to come back to Torchwood when I knew that wasn’t what you wanted. But I thought if you came back, maybe you’d want to stay. But I hadn’t been so sure I made the right decision. At least not until the last few weeks.”

“What changed in the last few weeks?” Jamie asked. 

“Before you bit off anyone’s head at the slightest irritation, but now you seem… happier,” Jake observed.

“Have I?” Jamie asked. “I hadn’t noticed.”

But now that Jake mentioned it, he did not feel as anxious as he once did. He had felt like the universe had been against him, and had been worried he might end up like the Time Lord Victorious. If he was honest, he had been scared of what the future held. 

He still did not know what future awaited him and where he was headed, but he did not feel so alone anymore. Meeting Martha here showed him maybe there was more he needed to discover. And perhaps not all of it was bad. But that started with meeting Donna. 

“There she is,” Jake said.

That ended their conversation as they turned to watch Donna as she walked out of the store, pushing a shopping cart. Inside the cart was little Wilfred Jr who seemed to be crying. Jamie could see Donna trying to calm him as she walked, but she was having little success. She opened the trunk of her car and offloaded a bag before turning back to Wilfred. 

Before he knew what he was doing, Jamie was out of the car and running to Donna.

"Let me help you," Jamie said, as he grabbed a grocery bag and put it in her car.

“But you’re injured,” Donna said, looking at his cast and trying to stop him.

“It’s okay, you have your hands full with your little one,” Jamie said, picking up another bag. 

"Well, alright then," Donna said after a pause before turning to pick up Wilf Jr who was wailing. She calmed him before securing him in his car seat as Jamie finished loading the groceries and shut the car trunk. 

Jamie stood back smiling, as Donna put the cart away, unsure what to say to her now that he was standing in front of her. There was so much he wanted to say. To tell Donna he was grateful. That the days they spent together were some of the happiest days of his life. That he missed her. But he could not say any of those things because she was not his Donna.

"Thanks mate," Donna said with a smile before getting in her car.

Jamie watched as she pulled out and drove off as Jake came to stand beside him. He saw her car disappear in traffic before he turned to Jake, expecting him to voice his disapproval at what he had done. But all he said was, "Let's head back."

In the car driving back, Jamie said, "I want to help her in some way."

"And how would you do that?"

"If I had my Tardis, I would give her the winning lottery numbers, but I don't know the future anymore," Jamie said with a frown. 

Her file had said she was still working as a temp and her husband Shaun also worked temporary jobs. Jaime knew Donna was both smart and brilliant, but she just failed to see it sometimes. “Do you think you can help me get her a better job?”

"In Torchwood?" Jake asked.

Jamie frowned again. "I don't know if Torchwood would be the right fit for her."

"Okay, what about I look for a job with one of our partners? I can make some calls and see what positions the companies we are associated with have open."

"That would be perfect," Jamie said. “Thank you.”

A few days later, Jake came up to Jamie and said, "I got the perfect place for her. They are going to hire her as a temp and then in a few weeks offer her a permanent position with benefits if she does well.”

“That won’t be a problem, she’ll do great and get the job,” Jamie said with confidence. “But I also want them to give her this.” Jamie opened his drawer and reached inside. He took out an envelope to hand to Jake. “Say it is a signing bonus."

Jake took the envelope and opened it. He saw a cheque with a large sum of money. “What's this?”

“All the money I've earned so far,” Jamie said. 

"All of it?"

"Yes, I don't need the money," Jamie said.

"Okay then," Jake said with a shrug, taking it.

___

Jamie sat on one of the outside benches which lined the hospital entrance, flexing his hand which was finally free of his cast. It had been four weeks since his accident, but his hand was already healed. Christina had been fascinated by his rapid healing, as she had never seen anything like it. She had poked and prodded him incessantly until he had finally had enough and left. 

“Hi,” Martha said, sitting beside him. 

“Hey,” Jamie said with a smile. 

Martha looked at Jamie’s arm and then the other one. “What happened to your cast?”

Jamie looked down at his arm and then smiled, “I got it removed today.”

“What?” Martha asked shocked. 

“What?” Jamie asked back in confusion. 

“Stand-up, we are going to have you examined,” Martha said standing, but Jamie caught her with his right hand and said, “My arm is okay. Look, I am holding you right now without any problems.” Jamie released her wrist and twisted his arm around to show it was okay. 

Martha fell back down, with a look of disbelief on her face “What’s the date today?” she asked, and Jamie told her. “That’s impossible.”

She stared at his arm. “I saw your x-rays. It would take at least six weeks at a minimum to heal, but at your age, eight weeks was more likely.”

“I heal faster than most people,” Jamie said nonchalantly.

Martha still eyed his arm suspiciously as she sat next to him, “Are you sure you went to a good doctor?”

“Don’t worry, my arm is fine,” Jamie assured.

“Can I still take a look at it? Maybe another x-ray wouldn’t hurt too. Just to be sure,” Martha said, taking his hand and examining his arm.

“I’m fine,” Jamie reassured her, letting her hold his hand. “I received the best treatment possible by my doctor at Torchwood, and she assured me I was ok. I might also get another ear full if they find out I was treated by an outside hospital again.”

Martha suddenly released his hand, which surprised Jamie. He looked at her and saw a strange look passed her face, which Jamie could not decipher. 

“That’s fine then,” Martha said, stuffing her hands into her jacket pocket. 

Jamie frowned at her. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m actually starving,” Martha said, standing up. “I haven’t had a proper meal today. There is a great place I know close by if you’re interested.”

“Sure,” Jamie said, also standing up. 

Jamie let himself be led to a small restaurant with several tables scattered around the establishment. It was a self-serve restaurant, so they quickly got what they wanted before finding a corner to themselves. 

When they were seated, Jamie said, “Actually, I wanted to thank you.”

“Why? What did I do?” Martha asked. 

“For your advice the other day,” he said. “You were right. I should have checked up on my friend, and it was a mistake not to have done it earlier.” 

“Were they okay?” Martha asked with concern. 

“They were fine but not in the greatest place. I was in a position to help, and I should have helped earlier,” Jamie said.

“You shouldn't beat yourself up about it. At least you did something. That's more than what most people do,” Martha said.

“It did make me start questioning a lot of things about myself though, " Jamie said but he knew that was not correct. "No, it wasn’t just her. It’s because something bad happened to someone I know.” 

Jamie paused but Martha did not rush him. He sighed and continued, “I don’t know how to say the rest without sounding like a terrible person.”

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as your mind is making it seem,” Martha said. 

Jamie still hesitated before he continued, “I had been angry at him and hated him because I thought he had taken away everything from me and left me with nothing. But then he died and when I look back... I don’t know what to think.”

“Why would you think that way?” Martha asked.

Jamie leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. Because the Doctor had abandoned him in this universe and left with Donna and the Tardis. And when he broke up with Rose, he had been angry that even though the Doctor was gone, he had still taken Rose’s heart with him. 

But when he had seen into the Doctor’s mind before his regeneration, his heart had ached. He had felt the Doctor's loneliness and sadness. The pain of wanting to continue living, but of being robbed of that chance. When he thought of that, he felt ashamed. He had been given the chance to make a new life. Yet, when he believed he had failed to get what he wanted, he had turned his anger anywhere but at himself.

“I don’t know what I’ve been doing since I came here,” Jamie said. 

“To London,” Martha asked.

That felt like basically the same thing as coming to this universe, so Jamie nodded. He could not stop thinking about Jake’s words the other day. They kept swirling in his head.

Jamie uncrossed his arms and leaned forward, “What sort of life do you want to live?”

“That’s a loaded question,” Martha said. She thought for a moment and said, “A life of helping the people around me.”

“Isn’t that what most people want?” Jamie asked. That answer seemed too broad.

Martha shrugged, “What about you?”

“I guess I want to help people too,” he agreed. 

“Do you think you’re doing that by working at Torchwood?” Martha asked.

Jamie nodded, “Yeah.” But Martha looked sceptical. 

“You know,” Martha said. “I still don’t know much about you even though all we ever do is talk.”

“You don’t?” Jamie asked, knowing he always deflected personal questions. 

“You’re always more interested in hearing about my life and family,” Martha commented. “I haven’t heard much about your family, friends or where you grew up.”

Jamie knew Martha was right. He always steered the conversation away from himself when she asked something. He did want to be truthful with her, but he had hidden the truth because he was afraid she would think he was crazy. Also, every time he imagined telling her, it went a little like this: 

_“I was basically born less than a year ago from a metacrisis of an alien man and a human woman (who may have died). But technically, born was the wrong word because I had been a hand (of my duplicate? Twin? Doppelganger?) which was severed during a duel for the Earth (a parallel Earth, not this one), and then a few years later my doppelganger got shot by a Dalek (that’s a whole other conversation) which caused him to use regeneration energy (by the way, my doppelganger was from a race of aliens called Time Lords and Time Lords don’t die, they regenerate) which created me (but I don’t regenerate, I have a normal human lifespan). Then I was dumped in this parallel Earth by my doppelganger because I had essentially committed genocide (of the Daleks mentioned earlier) and could not be trusted to be alone in his time-travelling ship (oh yeah, Time Lords could time travel). And by the way, I met your double in the other universe, and here we are now.”_

Jamie knew one day he would need to tell Martha all of this but now did not seem like the right time. So he told partial truths.

“I don’t have a family anymore,” Jamie said. 

Martha looked up at him, “I’m sorry.”

Jamie thought about Gallifrey. The home he would never see again. He had wondered whether this universe had its own version of Gallifrey and Time Lords, but he still had not sensed any others since arriving.

“The place where I’m from, it was destroyed in the war,” Jamie said, not clarifying that the war was the Time War. “My family all died. So I don’t really talk about it.” And even if Gallifrey did exist in this universe, he could not reach it. 

“I know a lot of people lost someone during the troubles. I should never have pried,” Martha said.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Jamie said as he saw a look of sorrow on Martha’s face. “One day I would like to tell you all about my home and how beautiful it was.”

Martha smiled again at that. “I would love to hear about it.”

“But I’ve made good friends since coming here. And I have a kind of an adopted family in the Tyler’s.”

“As in the Torchwood Tyler’s?” Martha asked sceptically. 

“Yeah.” 

Martha seemed to stiffen as she asked, “You’re kidding?” 

“I lived with them for a while, and they helped me through some things. They have become the closest thing I have to a family here.”

Martha opened her mouth to say something but stopped. Instead, with a tight smile, she said, “I’m happy you have good people around you.”

"I'm happy you're one of them," Jamie said. 

Martha only smiled in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I forgot in the previous chapters was to write Sam out of the story (sorry Sam). But yeah, Jamie doesn't meet up with him anymore. 
> 
> I'm also going to be having more companions/characters from the series make cameos. 
> 
> Next chapter: Doctor’s Appointment


	15. Doctor’s Appointment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are halfway through the story!

Jamie stood in the hospital entrance pacing. He had tried to meet Martha several times, but she kept saying she was busy. The one time she did agree, she had cancelled at the last minute. She had been busy before, but it seemed like she was avoiding him and he was not sure why. 

When he thought of their last conversation, he had noticed that Martha had seemed to tense up when he mentioned being close with the Tyler’s. But he could not believe that was the reason for Martha’s change. He had texted her and told her he was at the entrance to see her response, and she had agreed to meet him briefly. 

After ten minutes of waiting, he spotted Martha approaching. She was walking briskly towards him and without a greeting said, “I don’t have much time, what’s up?”

“Are you busy?” he asked. 

“Yes," she said putting her hands into her coat pocket and avoiding looking at him. "But I took some time between patients to quickly come and meet you." 

“Well, I’m here because I didn’t think I would be able to see you otherwise,” Jamie said. 

“What do you mean?” Martha asked, pretending to be clueless. 

“We haven’t met lately,” Jamie said. 

Martha met his eyes briefly but said dismissively, “Because I’ve just been busy.” 

Jamie watched her. He knew Martha well enough to know when she was blatantly lying. “If there is something wrong, I would like to know,” Jamie said. 

Martha faked a smile and replied, “Nothing is wrong.” 

“That’s not true, and you know it.”

“I honestly don’t have time for this,” Martha said as she looked past him as if staring at something or someone. 

Jamie turned around and saw Martha was staring at a young Indian woman with long black hair tied back. She looked nervous but seemed to want to approach them. Jamie turned back to Martha and asked, “Who is she?”

“One of the residents I’m training this year,” Martha said. 

She lifted her hand and Rita came scurrying to them. In a timid voice, she said, “Sorry to interrupt Dr Jones, but Dr Stoker wants your assistance in the patient recovery section.”

“I’ll be right over,” Martha said, with a smile before Rita turned and quickly disappeared.

“Very timid,” Jamie noted. 

“She has the potential to be a great doctor only if she could build up some confidence in herself and her abilities,” Martha said. She was about to say more but caught herself. “I have to go,” she said, turning to leave. 

“Wait!” Jamie said. “I wish you would just tell me what's wrong so I can fix it.”

But before Martha could respond, the ground beneath them shook, causing them to stumble before regaining their footing. 

“Earthquake?” Martha asked.

“No,” Jamie said, knowing something about the way the ground shook seemed off. 

“No?” Martha asked, but Jamie had already turned and was walking to the exit doors. “Jamie?” Martha called, compelled to follow him. 

But Jamie kept walking, and when he stepped outside, he saw a red wall of light a few feet ahead. His eyes followed the wall upwards, which went over the hospital and curved over the roof and seeming to come down on the other side. If he could guess, the hospital was likely encompassed by a dome. 

“What is going on?” Martha asked as she stared at the dome. It reminded her of fire as its surface glowed and swirled in flickering patterns. 

“Wait,” Jamie said, but Martha had already reached out to touch it.

He heard a spark and a hiss as Martha cried, “Ouch, it’s hot.” 

“You should be more careful,” Jamie warned as he walked to stand beside her and also touching the dome. 

“What is this?” Martha asked rhetorically. 

“If I could guess, I would suspect it’s made of plasma,” Jamie said, looking at the glowing red dome.

“You know what this is?” Martha asked, surprised, looking at him. Not having expected a response. 

“Yes,” Jamie confirmed. “I would imagine the dome was created with very low-frequency electromagnetic waves. It’s the same concept as the magnetic field in the Earth’s atmosphere, that block out high-energy radiation. But this one is denser and more concentrated like solar plasma.”

“But why is it here?” Martha asked. 

“That’s what we have to find out,” Jamie said. “And how it got here.”

Jamie took out his phone to call his team, but there was no signal. 

“Does your phone work?” he asked Martha.

She took out her phone and checked but shook her head. “I have to get going. They said they needed me.”

They walked back inside, but Martha paused at the entrance. Jamie looked and saw she had spotted a television by the reception which was still working. Jamie guessed the dome was not deep enough to cut any underground connections but blocked any signals from above ground.

“Can you turn that up?” Martha asked the receptionist, walking towards the television.

On the screen, they saw a video of two locations - the hospital and Severn Bridge. More people gathered around as a reporter was listing a set of demands. The list included dissolving government, the shutdown of Torchwood, and for all secret technology to be declared publicly. If all the demands were not met within one hour, bombs would be set off at both locations.

A hush fell over the crowd gathered around the television, as the anchor continued speaking. 

“Watch out,” Jamie said as he grabbed Martha’s hand and pulled her out of the way and into his arms, as the people around them rushed for the exit. 

“Are you okay?” Jamie asked her. 

Martha nodded as people continued to rush past them towards the doors. 

“It’s not safe here so close to the exit,” Jamie said as he took Martha’s hand. He led her through the increasing number of panicking people trying to escape and found an empty hospital room where he could think.

“Are there any phone landlines?” Jamie asked. “I need to call my team.”

Martha furrowed her eyebrows. “Landlines were disconnected years ago,” Martha said. 

“Right,” Jamie said, beginning to pace. 

“What are we going to do?” Martha asked as she watched him run his hand through his hair in frustration. “We need to find a way of getting past that dome. But even if we do, it’s not enough time to evacuate everyone. It takes time to move patients on life-support and in ICU. Not to mention the doctors and patients in surgery.”

But Jamie stopped as the realization hit him. 

“What? What is it?” Martha asked.

“It’s a plasma bomb!” Jamie said.

“A plasma bomb?” Martha asked, confused. She had never heard of such a bomb. 

“The whole barrier is the bomb,” Jamie explained, wondering how he had missed it before when it was so obvious. “It’s like solar plasma. If it continues to heat up it will explode.”

“Then what happens to us?” Martha asked. 

“We will become plasma soup,” Jamie said, knowing whoever was doing this was very smart. People would waste time looking for bombs when the bomb was right in front of them. The dome also created hostages who could not flee. 

“I’m not agreeing to that,” Martha said indignantly. “We have to stop them.”

“We need to find a way to disrupt the plasma,” Jamie said, “that would free everyone and get rid of the bomb as well.”. 

“What about using magnetic waves?” Martha asked. 

“What?” Jamie asked. 

“You said the dome is like solar plasma. If it's similar to the sun, it’s kept in place by stable electromagnetic waves. So, what if we could interrupt those waves? Send stronger magnetic waves to disrupt it and cause a collapse?” Martha asked. 

“That could work, but it is a long shot,” Jamie said, knowing a mistake could also accelerate the particles and cause them to explode. “Do you have something in mind that can do that?” Jamie said, knowing she did. 

“An MRI machine,” Martha said as if it was obvious. “If we could find some way to direct the waves outward at a strong enough intensity, we could theoretically do it.” 

Jamie stared at her and smiled.

“What?” Martha asked.

“You’re brilliant,” he said. 

Martha smiled, “This is not the time for compliments.”

“It's just the truth,” Jamie said.

“But can you do it?” Martha asked. “You’re an astrophysicist, there must be some way.”

“Do you know who you’re talking to?” Jamie said rhetorically. “Where is the radiology room?”

“On the second floor,” Martha said.

“Come on, we don’t have much time,” Jamie said, holding her hand again before running out the room. They ran down the now deserted corridor and headed for the stairs. They ran up one flight of stairs and down another corridor and into the empty radiology section. 

Jamie ran to the first room and began changing the settings on the computer to cause a controlled magnetic overload of the system. Jamie smiled to himself, remembering how he once had to stop a magnetic overload to save another hospital on the moon. Now he was doing it to save this one. But as Jamie was reprogramming the lsst computer, he realized something. 

“Do you have more machines?” Jamie asked, knowing the waves were not enough to break the dome. It was more likely to just cause the particles to destabilise and explode.

“There are some older models in the basement. The Director was meant to have them donated, but he keeps dragging his feet,” Martha said, starting to fan herself. “Is it getting warmer in here?” 

Jamie nodded, this was proving his theory right. “The dome is continuing to heat up.”

A thought also occurred to Martha. “What about the patients? Anyone with a pacemaker would be in danger,” she said. 

“Anyone outside might also be harmed when it collapses?” Jamie said finally done.

“I could make an announcement on the PA system, but anyone outside won’t hear it,” Martha said. “I have to get everyone back inside and organize help.” 

Martha made to leave, but Jamie grabbed her hand and stopped her. “I need you here,” he said. “I’ve reprogrammed each machine, but I need someone here to start it while I’m in the basement.”

Martha looked at the time as she felt sweat form on her forehead. So much time had already flown by. They needed to act fast. 

“We still have some time before our hour is up,” Martha said. “I’ll find Rita and get her to start organizing help and bring everyone back inside.” 

“You trust her?” Jamie asked. 

“Yes,” Martha said nodding. “She can get it done.”

Jamie also looked at the time. It would be tight. “I’ll head down to the basement while you find Rita. But you have to come back here and start the program on all the computers," Jamie said gripped her shoulders and looked into her eyes as he continued, "It is very important we do this at the same time. If we don’t, it isn’t going to work.”

“I’ll be back in time,” Martha assured him.

Jamie released her and said, “Let’s time it for the last two minutes.” 

They left the room together and headed for the stairs, taking the first flight down together. But Martha opened the door for the first floor as Jamie continued running past. Before she went through, she paused and looked down at Jamie. He also stopped, and their eyes met. They needed to trust each other, and they did, which kept them moving.

Jamie ran down the remaining flight of steps, taking two at a time until he reached the basement. He followed the directions Martha gave him and found the second radiology room. He began working immediately, feeling the temperature inside steadily rising. 

When he was done, he looked at the time again. He still had a few short minutes to spare, so he waited. Counting down the time which suddenly seemed to inch slowly forward. He wondered where Martha was at that moment and if she had started heading back. But he trusted Martha, if she said she would make it back in time, she would make it back in time.

When the time came, Jamie activated all the machines and waited.

Jamie felt ripples of force emit from the machines and fan outwards before he heard a loud popping sound. He ran to the closest window and looked outside. To his relief, he saw the red dome which had filled the view begin to collapse. He watched as it descend to the ground and dissipate, leaving behind clear blue skies. 

They had done it! They had saved everyone. 

Jamie started running out of the room. He raced down the corridor and found the door to the staircase. He opened it and kept running as he heard someone else descending the stairs. They met in the middle landing of the stairs, and he hugged Martha tightly in joy. 

“We did it!” Martha shouted in joy.

“We did,” Jamie agreed as he picked Martha up and twirled her around in happiness, causing Martha to burst out laughing.

Jaime placed her back on her feet, still feeling exhilarated. No matter the universe, she was always brilliant. He knew he would not have been able to do it without her.

When they parted, Jamie said, “We make a great team.” 

“I think so too,” Martha agreed, looking just as happy as he felt. 

Martha could hear her phone vibrating in her pocket so she reached inside and took it out. 

“Mom… mom… mom stop,” Martha said, trying to stop her mother who was speaking a mile per minute. “Yes, I’m fine… I’m still working… I’m a doctor… I can’t just abandon my patients… wait, what did you say… I’ll call you back.”

“Martha, what’s wrong?” Jamie asked, seeing the colour drain from her face.

“I just need to check something,” Martha said, as she typed on her phone and brought up a video. She watched it and covered her mouth in shock. “OMG!” 

“What is it?” Jamie asked as he saw a look of horror on her face.

Martha handed him her phone, and he watched as Severn Bridge exploded in a bright red flash with all the trapped motorists still on it. Steam rose up from the river below blurring the view below, but it looked like nothing much was left after the explosion. 

Jamie looked again at Martha and asked, “You okay?” 

But Martha did not answer. 

“Martha,” Jamie called, and she looked up at him. 

“You were right before,” Martha said. 

“Right about what?” 

“I was avoiding you,” she admitted. 

“Why?” 

“Because of Torchwood or the Tyler’s, I just… I don’t know.”

“Why would you avoid me because of Torchwood?” Jamie asked confused. He had guessed that was the reason, but he could not understand why. 

“Because I don’t trust them,” Martha said. "Which made me distrust you."

“Why don't you trust Torchwood?” Jamie asked, still confused. 

“How can you not know?” Martha asked. “The protests against them were huge. Hard to miss.”

“Let’s say I missed them,” Jamie said. 

“Well, there was the matter of the curfews and the army blockades,” Martha said. 

“What about them?” Jamie asked, remembering those were in place when the Doctor first came here with Rose and Mickey.

“Who do you think helped enforce them?” Martha asked, confused about how Jamie did not know. “It wasn't just the government. They wouldn't have been able to do it without Torchwood. Before the troubles, no one questioned the curfews because they were in low-income areas even though there were blockades across the country. We had become complacent and accepted everything the government did because it was supposed to be for the best of everyone. However, the invasion of the Cybermen showed us we had been fooling ourselves. We had accepted all technological advancements, no matter how invasive and had almost been turned into mindless drones, which wasn’t far from what we already were. The government was already limiting our movements, but we couldn’t see they were also limiting our information and controlling our thinking. We had curated news downloaded into our minds without a second thought of how much truth it contained or what was missing. The government was already controlling us, and we had just let it happen.”

“But the Cybermen were Lumic’s creation. What does that have to do with Torchwood?” Jamie asked. 

“Torchwood helped Lumic create the Cybermen. And as soon as Cybus Industries fell, who conveniently swept in to take over?” Martha asked. "Do you really think they were telling the truth that they did not know what Lumic was doing?"

“But Pete took charge of Torchwood and with the new government under Harriet, they ended the curfews and blockades,” Jamie said. “They even helped roll back the problematic technological advancements.”

“Peter Tyler?” Martha said incredulously. “The right-hand man to John Lumic? Who helped create the technology in the first place.” 

“He is a good man Martha,” Jamie defended. “He is nothing like Lumic. He had nothing to do with what Lumic was doing.”

“What about Torchwood hiding technology which could help us all,” Martha asked. 

“They aren’t hiding anything?” Jamie said, knowing anything Torchwood hid was for everyone’s protection.

“Then explain your arm,” Martha said in disbelief. “There is no way you could have naturally healed that quickly.”

Jamie looked down at his right arm and realized he had been stupid. Martha was a doctor, and it was only natural she would be suspicious. He remembered how she had reacted that day, and yet, he ignored it. 

“Torchwood had nothing to do with my arm. I’m just a fast healer,” Jamie explained knowing that sounded like a lie even to his own ears. 

“Is that the same excuse you are going to use for his wife,” Martha asked.

“Jackie?”

“We all lost people because of the Cybermen,” Martha said, becoming upset. “And Jackie Tyler was one of the people reported missing after the first invasion. But months later, not only did she reappear, but she had a fully grown daughter. Tell me that is not suspicious.” 

“I understand your concerns, but there are perfectly reasonable explanations for all of it,” Jamie said. 

“You don’t understand anything,” Martha said, looking upset. 

Jamie paused, seeing Martha was upset. “What don’t I understand?”

“I lied to you before,” Martha admitted. “Tim wasn’t just my mentor. We were engaged.”

Understanding finally dawned on Jamie as Martha continued to speak.

“He was one of the people who were converted into Cybermen in the last days of the war. First, my cousin and then my fiancé, and Torchwood did nothing but help lock them in factories before pretending they vanished,” Martha accused. 

The ability to travel into parallel universes had been kept confidential by Torchwood and the government. Especially now that they knew how dangerous it was. But even though Jamie and his team had destroyed the evidence, he had been naïve not to think people would question what was happening at Torchwood. The world had been drawing their own conclusions to explain the unexplainable. 

Jamie stepped forward. “Martha, I promise you, if there was a way to save people after being converted, Torchwood would not have hidden it.”

“That’s what they keep saying,” Martha said unconvinced. “They refuse to give us answers and think we are all stupid or label us as crazy. They put up electric fences and armed guards at the gates and expect us to all cover our eyes. Telling us everything has an explanation without explaining anything. Telling the world we are unreasonable, and we should just move on now that the war is over.”

“You’re not crazy or unreasonable,” Jamie said, moving in to pull her into his arms. He should have noticed Martha had been suspicious of him, and when he looked back, he was stupid not to see it. 

Martha did not hug him back but allowed him to hold her. “Those people who planted the bombs. They must be like me. Blaming Torchwood and the government.”

Jamie pulled away and cupped her face so Martha would look at him and see the sincerity of his words. “You are nothing like those people. You would never hurt anyone for any reason.” 

He wrapped his arms around her again, holding her head with one hand as his other arm wrapped around her body.

“I don't know what to believe anymore, but I don’t know if I can trust Torchwood,” Martha said. “But I trust you.”

Jamie felt guilt in his heart as Martha said those words because he knew he did not deserve her trust. Not when he had been lying to her. Jamie regretted not being truthful with her from the beginning, and more than ever wanted to tell her the truth. But he still found himself hesitating, afraid of how she would react.

“You can trust me,” Jamie said as his hand caressed her back. “But there is-,”

“Dr Jones,” Rita shouted from above, breathing heavily. 

Martha stepped back from Jamie and wiped her eyes. They looked up and saw Rita, who had entered the stairwell without them noticing. 

“Yes,” Martha asked.

“We need you,” she said panting, obviously having been running and looking frazzled. 

“I have to go,” Martha said, running up the stairs and following Rita.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked how I tried to incorporate parts of the ‘Smith and Jones’ episode into this chapter. I’ve also been taking inspiration from Torchwood and Big Finish throughout this story. 
> 
> You may also remember Rita Afzal is from Doctor Who’s sixth season episode the ‘The God Complex’.
> 
> Next chapter: First Date


	16. First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit long. It honestly could have been two chapters. But, oh well.

Martha walked towards the exit doors of the hospital, feeling tired and hungry. She had been stuck at the hospital for four days straight, and she could feel the stress and anxiety of the last few days weighing on her. She felt both physically and emotionally exhausted, more so than her gruelling days as an intern. 

Her phone buzzed, and Martha took it out of her coat pocket and looked at it. It was another text from Jamie asking her if she was finally headed home. She sent a quick response before wrapping a scarf around her neck as she exited into the dark night to head home. She walked out of the hospital prepared to catch the train, but she stopped in surprise. 

“What are you doing here?” she asked Jamie. 

“I was in the area,” he answered with a smile. “Want a ride home?”

“You came to drive me home?” she asked touched. After angry patients, frazzled residents and touchy nurses, it was good to see a friendly face.

“I thought you would appreciate not having to take the tube,” Jamie said.

“You’re a lifesaver,” Martha said, smiling. 

“Come on, then,” Jamie said. “I’m parked not too far away from here.” 

They walked the short distance to his waiting car and Martha jumped in. She gave him her address which Jamie entered into his navigation. 

“I guess it was hectic afterwards,” Jamie asked Martha as he drove. 

Martha slumped into her seat and sighed, “It was mad in there. Patients angry to be there, residents upset about not having a choice but to be there, and overworked nurses who felt obligated to be there.”

Martha sighed again. The fallout from the hostage-taking saw many patients and visitors with pacemakers fail because of the electromagnetic waves. Thankfully, they had been prepared and had doctors and residents on standby. 

But problems came when doctors and nurses refused to return to work, fearing another attack. Leaving those brave enough, or those afraid of being expelled from the residency program, to stay to shoulder the work. But she could not blame anyone for the way they reacted. Normally, after such a large terror attack, the building would have been evacuated and shut down. But how do you shut down one of the largest hospitals in England still full of patients? Her own mother had freaked out when she learned she was still at the hospital, afraid another attack was imminent. And the armed guards around the hospital did not help moral. 

“I saw a bit of it on the news,” Jamie said.

“But things could have been worse,” Martha said. Much worse. “We were lucky you were there that day.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Jamie replied, glancing at her.

“I’m just happy it all worked out and we managed to save the hospital,” Martha said. “What about you?” How were things when you got back to work?”

“Not good,” Jamie admitted. They had an emergency meeting after, and the meeting had not gone well. “We still don’t know who did it.”

Martha’s brows furrowed together in thought. “I hope they are found soon before they do something else.”

“I hope so too,” Jamie agreed. 

“That’s my place,” Martha said as she pointed at an apartment building. 

“When is your next shift?” Jamie asked, turning into the building parking. 

“Tomorrow morning,” Martha said with a sigh. But she knew she was lucky to get a chance to go home for a few hours. Some of her colleagues were not so lucky. 

“I can pick you up and drive you to work,” Jamie offered after learning the time.

“You don’t have to,” Martha said, but Jamie replied, “I want to.”

Martha looked at Jamie and smiled gratefully. “Thank you.”

Jamie parked at the entrance and said, “We are here, Dr Jones.”

“See you tomorrow,” Martha said. 

“Goodbye.”

“Thanks again,” Martha said before getting out of the car. “Bye,” she said before shutting the door.

__

The following morning, as promised, Jamie was there to pick her up in the morning. 

“Thank you for doing this,” Martha said as she got into the car. 

“There is coffee in the cup holder and breakfast in the bag,” Jamie said, pointing at the brown bag sitting on the divider.

“You’re spoiling me,” Martha said, picking up the cup and taking a sip of the coffee and smiling. “This was exactly what I needed.” 

She smiled at Jamie gratefully before picking she began eating. He was treating her so well and she now regretted almost ending their friendship.

“Did you manage to sleep okay?” Jamie asked as he pulled out into the traffic. 

“I want to say yes, but I didn’t. It was weird being in my apartment like everything was normal after everything that happened,” Martha said. 

She had not had a chance to think about everything as she had been continually on her feet or passed out in exhaustion. She also came to a realization when she thought back on that day. “It’s terrible to say this, but even though I was afraid for myself and everyone in the hospital, that day was also exhilarating.”

Jamie glanced at her and smiled. “There is a certain thrill when you have your back against the wall, and you have no other option but to fight for a way to survive.”

Martha stared at Jamie and said, “There it is.” 

“What is?”

“The way you look at me sometimes,” she said, studying his face. “Sometimes it's like you’re remembering someone when you look at me.” 

“Do I? I’m sorry, it’s just sometimes you remind me of someone.”

“Who?” Martha asked, curious. 

“A friend I once knew. She was a doctor like you,” Jamie said, glancing at her again.

“Where is she now?” Martha asked. 

“It’s hard to say.”

“Did you lose touch?”

Jamie took a moment to think before he answered. 

“Yeah,” he said, which was technically the truth. They were both in different universes, so there was no way they could keep in touch. 

“Why do I sense it wasn’t on the best of terms?” Martha asked, noting his hesitation. 

“We remained friends.” Jamie clarified. He glanced again at Martha before continuing. “When I first met her, I had just lost someone important to me, and she was there for me. I cared for her, but I didn’t treat her as well as I should have.”

“Is that why you don’t speak anymore?” Martha asked. 

“Not exactly,” Jamie said. 

“I’m sorry, it seems you still care for her,” Martha said, suddenly feeling a prick of jealousy. 

“I’m sure that wherever she is now, she is happy,” Jamie said with a smile, as he started looking for parking.

“You don’t have to park, you can just drop me at the entrance,” Martha said. 

“I figured you would be busy for the next few days, so I’m using this chance to stay with you as long as possible,” Jamie said. 

Martha smiled in response, realizing she seemed to be always smiling when she was with Jamie. Jamie found a spot, and they walked together towards the hospital.

They chose to stand and chat at the back of the hospital, as Martha still had a bit of time. But then Jamie narrowed his eyes and said, “Jake?”

Martha tilted her head, confused and asked, “Jake?” 

“He is behind you,” Jamie said. “We work together.”

Martha turned around to see a man with blond brushed up hair purposefully approaching them.

Jake stopped in front to them and said to Martha, “Hello, I’m sorry to interrupt you, but I need to talk to Jamie.”

“It's okay, I have to start my shift anyway,” Martha said to Jake. Then waved at Jamie, “Bye.”

“I’m sorry about this,” Jake said once they were alone. “But you were not answering your phone.” 

“I left it in the car. How did you find me?” Jamie asked, frowning.

“We injected a tracker in you so we could keep you out of trouble,” Jake said.

“You what?!” Jamie asked, horrified.

“I slipped it in your tea one morning when you weren’t looking,” Jake explained.

When Jake saw the stunned look of betrayal on Jamie’s face, he burst into laughter and said, “I’m just kidding mate. All Torchwood phones have an internal tracker in them. That’s how I found you the last time. Now come on.”

Jake turned and walked away while Jamie recomposed himself to follow him. 

“That wasn’t funny,” Jamie retorted when he caught up to Jake.

“It was fun seeing your look of horror,” Jake replied. “If you had read the Torchwood manual you would know about your phone’s tracker. But since I knew you hadn’t, I decided to have a little fun.”

Jamie stuck his hands into his pockets, annoyed.

“Who is she?” Jake asked. “She seems nice.”

“She’s an old friend,” Jamie said. 

“You don’t have any old friends,” Jake said. 

“Fine, I knew the parallel version here in the other universe,” he corrected. “Her name is Martha.”

“So, what’s it between you two. Are you dating then?”

“It's not like that,” Jamie said.

“It's like what then?”

“We are friends,” Jamie said.

Jake came to a stop, grabbing Jamie’s arm to stop him as well. “Did you tell her about yourself?” 

“Not yet,” Jamie said, knowing he just had to find the right time. 

“Well, I’m happy you’ve found ‘an old friend’, but just be careful,” Jake said. 

“Careful? I can trust her,” Jamie said. 

“When you told Ian and Connor the truth, you were being reckless,” Jake said. “But you need to be careful. It’s not only your secret to keep. We could all get in trouble if your existence was ever reported to the Geneva Bio-convention. We’ve hidden you and created a fake identity, we could face serious jail time. So, before you tell her, consider the level of danger you’re putting her in.”

Jamie had not thought of that. That anyone else other than himself was in danger because of who he was. 

“I’ll be careful,” Jamie agreed. “But can you keep Martha’s past connection with me a secret from the others,” Jamie asked, especially thinking of Pete. He probably would not be happy he was meeting people from his previous life. That’s why he did not ask for his help with Donna.

“My lips are sealed,” Jake said, moving his hand across his mouth as if zipping them shut. “So how long have you been seeing Martha?” he asked, starting to walk again. 

“A while now,” Jamie said. “We usually meet for coffee in a café nearby. 

“Just coffee?” Jake asked incredulously. 

“Yeah,” Jamie confirmed. 

Jake came to a stop again, which caused Jamie to stop. “And you haven’t thought about meeting somewhere else?” 

“Well, no,” Jamie admitted. 

“Do you want to be sixty and still meeting for coffee outside her work? You should ask her to meet somewhere else.” 

“I’m not sure,” Jamie began to say but Jamie interrupted him.

“You approached her, didn’t you?” Jake asked.

That was not exactly what happened, but Jamie nodded his head. 

“Then ask her. She has probably been wondering why you haven’t already,” Jake said.

Jamie frowned wondering whether Martha was really waiting on him. But then they heard a car honking, and Jamie turned to see it was coming from their waiting vehicle.

“Bloody Connor,” Jake said exasperated.

“Wait, I have my car-,” Jamie began to say.

“No time for that,” Jake said, beginning to walk again and becoming serious. “We got a report of a possible sighting of Cybermen units in Hayes Common in Bromley. This is likely nothing, but after the recent terror attacks, we are being asked to check it out.”

“Okay,” Jamie said, refocusing on work and pushing his questions about Martha to the back of his mind to ponder later.

When they reached the car, Connor sat in the driver's seat, and Jake jumped into the front passenger's seat beside him. Jamie took the seat behind Jake, joining Ian.

“So, what were you doing at the hospital?” Connor asked, as he turned off his hazards and pulled out.

“Nothing,” Jamie answered. 

“Nothing?” Connor asked sceptically.

“Just drive,” Jake instructed.

“Whatever,” Connor grumbled as he drove. “Shouldn’t Suzie’s team have been the one investigating this anyway?”

“Didn’t you hear?” Jake asked.

“Heard what?” Connor asked. 

“Her team was the one sent to Severn Bridge. We lost touch with them before the bridge exploded,” Jake said. 

A look of shock passed over Connor’s face which seemed to shut him up. 

The drive was abnormally quiet for the rest of the way, that made it seem longer than it was. But eventually, they arrived, and they started unloading equipment from the back of the car. 

“What’s all this?” Jamie asked. 

“It’s to help detect Cybermen units underground,” Ian said.

“It’s just a huge metal detector,” Jake explained. 

“It’s rudimentary but can be effective,” Ian said. 

“You two stay here and see if you find anything, while me and Jamie canvas the area,” Jake said. 

Once alone with Jake again, Jamie asked, “Jake what does the public think of Torchwood?”

“What do you mean?” Jake asked.

“It seems a lot of people hate us,” Jamie said. After his conversation with Martha at the hospital, Jamie had looked more into what Martha had said. 

Torchwood under Yvonne Hartman had been a different organisation. She built the organisation into what it looked like today, starting with establishing Torchwood HQ and building up its military personnel. She had supported the curfews and blockades, and it later turned out had been secretly working with Cybus Industries. Supplying Lumic with alien technology which helped create the Cybermen. 

“There was a lot which needed fixing when I first joined,” Jake said. “But some people have never forgiven Torchwood for what they did.”

President Harriet Smith had combined Torchwood and the Preachers and had arrested Yvonne. Placing Pete in charge of the institute. But a lot of people did not like a non-governmental agency having so much influence and control in their country. There were a lot of wild conspiracy theories which were completely implausible (Harriet being mind-controlled by Pete using Cybermen technology) to others which were closer to the truth (Torchwood and the government hiding alien technology and the truth of what really happened to the Cybermen from the public). 

“What was it like after the war?” Jamie asked.

“The public had tolerated Torchwood during the war because they had no choice. Torchwood had the manpower and resources to fight the Cybermen. But afterwards, there were huge protests against the government and Torchwood for leading us into the war. There was also strong international outcry because the People’s Republic was blamed for creating the Cybermen. Some of those protests turned violent and lasted for weeks,” Jake said. “But then the government called an election and Harriet won. She stopped the curfews and blockades. Shutdown Torchwood for a while and reopened it after a reorganisation.”

“Why did you agree to join Torchwood?” Jamie asked. 

“Because I want to stop what happened before from happening again,” Jake said. Remembering the day, he was invited to Downing Street and Harriet asked to combine the two organisations, Torchwood and The Preachers, as one. “And I trust Pete.”

Jamie could understand that. But though Pete was a good man, many still did not trust him because he once worked for Lumic.

“Do we still know nothing about the people who planned the attack,” Jamie asked. 

He had met up with his team outside the hospital after leaving Martha. They had been assigned with another team to the hospital. But they had discovered nothing after searching in and around the hospital. But Jamie had to assume some alien technology was used in the attack. Even though this world was advanced, it did not yet have the level of sophisticated technology to carry out such an attack. Torchwood also had no record of plasma bombs or plasma shields. 

“No one has claimed responsibility yet. We had another briefing with the National Counter Terrorism Security Office and they have nothing but guesses and theories,” Jake said. “It could have been al-Qaeda, COBRA, Red Doors or Blake's 7. Problem is no one knows for sure. Do you still think the terrorists never planned to stop the attack even if we complied?”

“Yes,” Jamie said. “If they were serious with their demands, they would have given the government enough time to make a decision or compromise. They had too many demands and one hour isn’t enough time to dissolve a government. It wasn’t logical.”

“So, what was their end game? They just wanted to cause fear,” Jake guessed and Jamie nodded his head. “But to what end?”

“For one, they capitalize on any ill will anyone has against Torchwood by including them in the list of demands,” Jamie said. “It also increases the distrust of the government.”

They walked around discussing theories until thirty minutes passed. In that time, they saw nothing except for trees and flat ground. They decided to head back and rejoined their teammates. 

When they regrouped, they found Connor looking bored while Ian was concentrating on his laptop. 

“Find anything?” Jake asked. 

“Nothing,” Ian said.

“This was a waste of time,” Connor noted. “And it’s cold.”

“Who made the report?” Jamie asked.

"A bunch of school kids from Coal Hill School. What was her name?" Connor asked Ian. 

But Ian did not answer and instead Jake responded, "Courtney Woods." 

"Yes, a Courtney Woods decided on a dare to operate construction equipment left unattended over lunch. She somehow managed to dig a small hole in the ground before losing control of the equipment. But lucky for her, her teacher Clara Oswald managed to bring the equipment back under control," Connor said. 

"What does any of this have to do with Cybermen?" Jamie asked. 

"Well, the kicker is, Courtney justified what she did by saying one of her classmates saw a Cybermen unit in some hole, so she wanted to investigate. Their parents freaked out when they heard the story and called us.”

Jamie could see this was clearly a goose chase. “Shouldn’t the teacher have reported it?” Jamie asked. Logically, if there was a threat, she would report it.

“We should have questioned the school teacher instead of coming here," Connor agreed. "This happened yesterday, and she never said anything. Also, isn’t it suspicious that a school teacher managed to GI Jane her student out of danger?”

Ian scoffed, "There is nothing suspicious about her. She has a pretty standard upbringing and background. No siblings, been living in London since she was 19 and been teaching for 4 years. It's all pretty normal stuff and checks out."

"Yeah, but have you seen her picture? She is a looker," Connor said.

Ian rolled his eyes.

"We are not going to abuse our power so you can get a date," Jake said.

Oddly, that statement seemed to annoy Ian more than Connor. 

"Just because you've given up on dating doesn't mean you should hold back the rest of us," Connor said.

“Why were they here anyway?” Jamie asked.

“They were on a field trip,” Ian said.

But still looking confused at what was so interesting about a random park in winter, Jake explained, “There were several prehistoric pits excavated a while back which made the news.”

“And during the war, it was common for inactive units to be hidden in underground bunkers. It’s why it was difficult to track and find them at the beginning,” Ian explained. 

"Do you have Clara's info open on your laptop?" Jamie asked Ian. 

“Yeah,” Ian answered.

“Let me have a look,” Jamie said. 

"Sure," Ian replied, reaching to pass it on to him, but Connor stopped him.

"So, you can have a go at her. I don't think so," Connor said. 

Ian gave Connor a look.

“Stay away from her,” Connor warned before placing his arms at 90-degree angles and starting walking like a robot. “Or you will be upgraded,” he said in a robotic voice.

“Seriously?” Ian said, not impressed. 

“Not funny,” Jake said drily. 

“Someone is grumpy,” Connor said to Ian in his normal voice. 

“The Cybermen are not a joke. You should be taking it more seriously after what happened in Cardiff,” Ian said. 

“I blame my awesome humour for taking nothing seriously,” Connor said apathetically.

“You’re ridiculous,” Ian said, shaking his head.

“Not as ridiculous as you,” Connor retorted.

“Just shut up, Connor,” Ian said, annoyed.

Jamie watched his teammates, used to their never-ending banter, but today was different. He could see Ian was genuinely annoyed with Connor, which he had never seen before. For his part, Connor did not seem to care. 

“We should head back,” Jamie suggested. He could look at Clara’s file later if he really wanted to. Jake agreed, also noticing the building tension between his teammates.

“Fine with me,” Ian said, beginning to pack up.  
___

As Jamie had anticipated, it took a while for things to come down at the hospital. So, Martha was kept busy and unavailable. But they were finally going to meet up after her shift at their regular coffee shop.

Jamie sat contemplating how he would ask Martha to meet somewhere different. Would he slip it in casually during their regular conversation? Ask her at the beginning? Just before they parted? He ran his hand through his hair, messing it up, unsure. He was also not sure why he was worried.

“What are you thinking about so deeply?” Martha asked as she sat down across from him. 

Not expecting her to be suddenly in front of him, Jamie blurted out, “What do you say to meeting somewhere different?” 

“Hello to you too,” Martha replied with an amused smile.

“Oh sorry, Hi,” Jamie replied.

“Why the sudden need for change?” Martha asked, despite feeling happy at the suggestion. 

“Well,” Jamie said, scratching the back of his ear and wondering why he was so nervous. “I thought it would be a nice change to try something different.”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Martha teased, enjoying seeing Jamie acting bashful.

“Well, you can’t deny we enjoy each other’s company,” Jamie said, and Martha nodded. “We will just be changing the scenery.” 

Martha smiled at that, but she had started having a question. “But I don’t even know what we are doing?”

“We are just chatting,” Jamie said. 

“Is that all?” Martha asked.

“Come on Martha, let’s give it a try,” Jamie said.

Martha pursed her lips but said, “It could be fun.”

“Exactly,” Jamie said grinning. 

“Okay then, what do you have in mind?” Martha asked.

“Well…,” Jamie said, not actually having thought that far ahead. He was too focused on just asking her and having Martha accept it. “I had not really thought about it.”

Martha laughed at Jamie’s response. “You haven’t really thought about it?”

“It’s just that when you suggested we meet today and I saw you, I just knew I had to ask you,” Jamie explained.

Martha shook her head and chuckled. She thought for a moment before saying, “There is something my colleagues have been talking about which I've never done. But it seems a bit… I don’t know… touristy.”

“That’s fine, what is it?” Jamie asked. 

“There is a winter festival along the Thames which is ending this weekend. Again, I’ve never been before, but some of my colleagues went over the holidays and said it was fun.” 

“That sounds perfect. Let’s do that,” Jamie said eagerly.

“Are you sure?” Martha asked cautiously.

“Of course, I’ve never been. Plus, I have always wanted to go to the Frost Fairs but I never got a chance,” Jamie said.

“Frost Fairs?” Martha asked, having never heard of them before.

“London used to have Frost Fairs in the 17th to the 19th Century,” Jamie explained. “During those centuries, the Thames used to freeze over and so they held the fairs on the ice. I had always wanted to go but never made the time.”

“You wanted to attend a Frost Fair in the 17th Century?” Martha asked dubiously.

Jamie realized what he was saying made no sense because Martha did not know his previous life. She just knew him as Jamie.

“I mean I had always wanted to attend a winter festival but never made the time,” Jamie replied.

Martha frowned but dismissed his statement as it made no sense. Laughing in her head at Jamie travelling back in time for a fair. 

“Okay, let’s do that next then,” Martha said, smiling again.  
__

Connor walked into the base with a broad smile on his face. 

"Guess who has a date?" he asked.

Jamie's eyes briefly opened in surprise, wondering how Connor had found out about his date with Martha. He did not even think that Connor knew about Martha. 

"Connor, don't,” Jake said in warning, 

Ian asked almost bored, "Who?'

"Jake," Connor said with overzealous glee.

Jamie and Ian both looked at Connor mildly confused.

"Jake is going on a date today," Connor repeated as his smile broadened comically.

Jamie and Ian's eyes shifted to stare at Jake who was giving Connor a death glare.

"You never said anything?" Jamie said in surprise.

"I didn't want it to be a big deal," Jake said, looking embarrassed.

"But you told Connor?" Ian asked incredulously.

"No,” Jake replied. “Connor overheard me talking about it earlier.” 

"And then I had to share the good news with everyone," Connor said.

Ian shook his head. "Of course, you did."

"What?" he replied innocently.

"How did you meet?" Jamie asked Jake. 

"Yes, please tell us about your mystery man," Connor said, sitting beside Ian instead of going to his own desk. 

Jake glared at Connor briefly before smiling almost shyly. "We ran into each other a few times during my morning run, and we eventually got to chatting."

"How adorable," Connor commented, his elbows on the table and his chin on his hands.

"Ignore him," Ian said. "Tell us more about him. What does he do?"

Jake told them his name was Noel, and he was an engineer at CapitolSys Technologies, which was a few blocks away from Torchwood. He had recently moved to the city and lived close to Jake, hence why they had started running into each other frequently. They both liked early morning starts and had a few of the same interests. As they were chatting today, Noel had suggested drinks and Jake had agreed.

Looking suddenly serious, Connor spoke up, "Jake you've been out of the dating field for a while now, so you have to promise me one thing. "

"And what is that?" Jake asked, looking sceptically at him. 

"That you're going to let me plan your wedding," Connor said as Jake closed in eyes in exasperation. "Better yet, make me the best man at your wedding."

Jake took a deep breath and held it before speaking, "I could really kill you and make it look like an accident."

"Okay, okay," Connor said, raising his hands, as if in surrender. "Maybe best man was too much, but at least promise me I'll be a groomsman. That's the best way to pick up girls."

"Why wait when I can kill you now?" Jake said before chasing after Connor who tried to hide behind Ian before running to hide behind Jamie. 

But Jake caught him easily and put him in a chokehold.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Connor pleaded, trying to get free as Jamie and Ian looked on.

"Are you really?" Jake asked.

"Yes, I won't tease you about your new boyfriend again. I promise," Connor pleaded as he continued to struggle.

"That's a promise?" Jake said.

"I promise."

Jake released him and Connor started coughing as he straightened up. 

"You're no fun," Connor said as he walked over to his own desk and sat down.

“Connor, why are you so interested in Jake's love life anyway?” Ian asked with a knowing look. “You never seemed interested when it was Jaime.”

Jamie saw a look of panic on Connor's face before Connor laughed and said, "I'm not."

"Sure," Ian said, almost rolling his eyes.  
___

Jamie and Martha arrived just as the sun was setting on the winter festival. The fair stretched down along the Thames with stalls and trees still decorated with Christmas lights despite it being late February. But the twinkling lights lit up the area brightly and made it feel festive. The London Eye stood large in the background, spinning brightly as multi-coloured lights flashed across its circumference. 

The area was a buzz of activity as people moved all around them. 

“Where do you want to start?” Jamie asked.

Martha looked around and said, “There.”

Martha walked up to a stall selling homemade fudge and speciality chocolate. The area around it smelled sweet and sugary. 

“Would you like to try some?” the woman at the stall asked.

“Yes please,” Martha answered with a smile. Her smile grew wider after she popped the sweet into her mouth. “Jamie tries this,” she said, handing him a piece. 

Jamie took it and also popped it in his mouth. The fudge melted in his mouth, tasting of brown sugar and maple.

“It’s good?” Martha asked, and Jamie agreed. Causing her to buy a bag. 

They carried on down, stopping at a stall full of jewellery and Martha trying on a few rings and looking at necklaces before moving on. They stopped for a while at a small stage set up with a man strumming a guitar as a woman sang melodically. Watched as an artist created intricate little sculptures made of wood. And another stall full of paintings and pictures. 

They had made their way halfway through the stalls when snow began falling gentle. Barely a light dusting formed on the ground before it melted underfoot.

Martha took a moment to stop and stretch out a hand to catch a falling snowflake that melted a few seconds after landing.

Martha lowered her hand and smiled up at Jamie. “I’m happy we came.” 

Jamie smiled back and dusted off the snow, which had begun to accumulate on the top of her head and replied, “Me too.” 

It has been an easy evening of conversation and laughter, and it made Jamie wish he had done this with Martha earlier. 

Smiling brightly, Martha asked, “Where to next?’ 

Jamie looked around and wondered if they should find some shelter as it continued to snow. Beside a video billboard with a beautiful woman with fiery red hair, there was a small stall for mulled cider. It also had a few chairs with cover. 

“Why don’t we get something to drink over there,” Jamie suggested, as the name Amelia Pond flashed brightly before fading away. 

“I thought this wasn’t supposed to be a coffee date,” Martha teased. 

“It’s not,” Jamie said, looking away. He remembered hearing of a large skating rink in Jubilee Park and so suggested, “What about skating?” 

“Yes, that would be fun,” Martha said excitedly. 

They made their way there and rented out a pair of skates and got on the ice. But it became immediately apparent that only one of them really knew how to skate.

“Are you sure you’ve skated before?” Martha teased as she glided across the ice and circled Jamie who had been wobbling the minute he got on the ice. 

“I just need to remember how,” he said, trying to concentrate on keeping his balance as he inched across the ice.

Martha slowed her skating to Jamie’s pace and kept close to him. She offered, “Let me help you?”

“No, I’ll be fine, I just need to –,” but before he could finish, he slipped and fell down.

Martha had to suppress a grin. “Let me help you up.”

“No, I’m fine,” he said, picking himself up.

“It’s okay to accept help,” Martha said.

Jamie was sure the Doctor knew how to skate. It had been a few regenerations since he had done it, he just had to get accustomed to it again. 

“I think I’ve got a handle on this,” Jamie said after a few minutes of being steady on his feet. 

“Sure, you do,” Martha said sarcastically, just before he wobbled again and fell. Martha could not help but smile at his stubbornness as she skated circles around him. 

“You’re having too much fun at my expense,” he pouted up at her from the ice. 

Martha came to a stop in front of him and said, “Can you blame me? You’re cute when you sulk.”

“I’m not sulking,” he defended, still pouting.

“You’re going to get a cold sulking down there,” Martha said offering her hand and this time Jamie took it to get back on his feet. 

“I should be better at this,” he complained as he dusted ice and snow off his pants.

“We can do this together,” Martha offered, still holding his hand. “Just hold my hand,” she said, squeezing it.

Jamie started out wobbly again, but he held on to her to keep his balance. However, soon he was taking longer and longer strides across the ice as he moved one foot after the other. Getting a handle of being on the ice, he began gliding across the rink with ease. 

“You’re full of surprises tonight,” Martha said, surprised by his sudden and rapid improvement. 

“I told you I was a pro at this,” Jamie said, proud of himself. 

“I’m sorry I ever doubted you,” Martha teased before playfully pushing him. Jamie wobbled slightly before regaining his balance, “If I go down, I’m taking you with me,” he warned with a grin.

Martha easily moved out of his reach and teased, “You’ll have to catch me first. Are you sure you can catch me?” 

“Maybe,” Jamie replied.

Martha laughed and skated back to his side. “Let’s get these things off, I think we both have had enough skating for one day.”

“Agreed,” Jamie said which caused Martha to laugh. 

Once they had their skates off and were safely on their own two feet, they decided to warm up. They stood beside a fire holding a warm cup of hot chocolate which warmed their insides as the bright flames warmed their hands.

Martha took a sip of her hot chocolate, enjoying the extra sweetness of the marshmallows and commented, “You must be used to being good at everything?” 

“Well, I never used to really fail much before,” Jamie answered.

“Really?” she asked.

“Most of the time anyway,” Jamie said. “It was probably just dumb luck.”

“I wish I had your luck,” Martha said. 

“But I’m not that lucky anymore,” Jamie said. Thinking about everything that had happened to him.

“I don’t know about that,” Martha said. "The night we first met you were in an accident but only got a broken arm. Most of the time, I have to deal with spinal and head injuries. I thought you were pretty lucky."

"I didn't view that as lucky," Jamie said.

“We were also pretty lucky you came to see me at the hospital on the day of the terrorist attack. Who knows what would have happened if you weren’t there?”

“I guess that’s true,” Jamie conceded.

"I'm sure there are a lot more other examples if you thought about it," Martha said. 

"Maybe," Jamie answered.

Martha smiled as she took a last sip of her hot chocolate and threw away the cup. She looked up ahead at the London Eye which was ahead of them, spinning against the skyline. “Doesn’t that look amazing?” Martha asked.

Jamie looked at the big mechanical wheel turning around and said, “I suppose so.”

“You suppose? Have you been?” Martha asked.

“No,” Jaime said, shaking his head, thinking he had been under it though.

“And how long have you lived in London?”

“Not that long,” Jamie defended. “And I have been busy.”

“Let’s ride it then,” Martha suggested. Without waiting for him to respond, she took his hand and pulled him there. “It will be fun.”

They walked to the London Eye but once they arrived, they saw there was a long line up of people waiting to ride it. It stretched out of the entrance and winded along the Thames.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea,” Martha said, looking disappointed. 

Seeing Martha’s disappointment, Jamie said, “Just wait here.” 

He strode to the front of the line and looked around for someone who worked there. Seeing two attendants standing to the side, he walked up towards them. 

“Hello,” he said, flashing his Torchwood badge. “I was sent to secretly inspect this facility for safety, and I need a private carriage to check whether its functionality is up to safety standards.”

The two attendants looked at each other sceptical but then one of them shrugged. They were not about to go against someone from Torchwood, it would be too much of a hassle.

“Go right ahead Sir,” one of them said, opening a space for him to walk through.

Jamie turned and waved for Martha to join him, and she sheepishly went to join him despite pointed stares. Taking her hand, Jamie led them into an empty carriage and the attendants closed the doors behind him.

Once alone, Martha asked, “What did you do?”

“I have a few connections,” Jamie said, pleased with himself and thinking it was almost like using psychic paper.

Martha only smiled before walking towards the glass to look out at the River, which held the reflection of the city. She leaned against the railing and stared out as Jamie came to stand beside her. The carriage slowly rose up revealing a city of glittering lights and towering domes and towers. 

“This city is amazing isn’t it?” Martha asked as they slowly rose.

“Yes, among other things,” Jamie said. 

Jamie put his arm around Martha and she turned to smile at him before turning back to the view of the city. 

As Jamie looked at the city, he saw a zeppelin drift close by and realized he had forgotten this was not his London. That the Buckingham Palace coming into view did not have a queen still occupying it. Instead, it was a restored palace which had long lost its monarchy after it was overthrown. That the London he knew did not have a Torchwood HQ towering over the city and dwarfing the other landmarks. That this place was not his home. 

He looked down at Martha, who was smiling in his arms and thought he sometimes forgot with her. He did not have to pretend or worry he was disappointing her. He could just be himself and forget everything else. 

Everything felt easy with Martha, and it was not because he had known another version of her. He would sometimes think he knew everything about Martha, but she would do or say something to surprise him and make him realize he still had so much to learn about her. And he wanted to learn more. 

Martha nudged him, “What are you thinking about?”

“About you,” he said truthfully.

Jamie wondered how he could feel both like he had known her for years but at the same time that he still had so much to learn. 

“Only good thoughts I hope,” she joked.

Jamie moved to stand behind her and wrapped his arms around her to hug her from behind, “Of course.” 

“Was that all you were thinking about?” she asked further.

“Also, about this city. It feels too familiar but also foreign,” he said. “Sometimes I wonder whether this city could ever feel like home. When I think of my home, I’m not sure where that really is anymore. Is it the place I was born or where I live? Is it the one filled with so many memories or the one I’m making new memories? I didn’t have a choice when I came here, but I know I can’t go back. So, shouldn’t I forget about the past?” Jamie asked. 

“Can’t you treasure the memories of your past and present, while looking to the future with anticipation?” Martha asked.

Jamie thought for a moment. “When I think of my past, I miss the life I used to live. Sometimes it makes me feel lost like everything I’m doing now is finite and small. It feels almost meaningless.” 

Martha wrapped her hands around him and asked, “Don’t we give meaning to everything we do?”

Jamie thought of what gave meaning to him. He thought back to the day the Doctor left Gallifrey. Stealing the Tardis because he felt trapped in Gallifrey's uptight arrogant isolationism. He had desired to be free to explore the universe. 

But he also thought of the day they chose the name Doctor. It was because of his desire to reflect his constant desire to make people better. Something he still longed to do and struggled with. It had been the cause of his fears and doubts. That he was only causing pain and suffering and would continue to do so. But he also knew his life only felt meaningless because he felt trapped again - on this planet and universe. But, was he really trapped?

“How do you give meaning to what you do?” Jamie asked. 

“Sometimes I have really bad days at the emergency, especially when I lose a child. On those days, I feel like giving up and quitting. Like I can’t take another loss, and I don’t want to fail anyone else. But I have to remind myself why I became a doctor. That if I can help even one more person, it’s worth any pain I might face. That’s what keeps me going no matter how awful things get.”

Jamie leaned in closer to hold Martha tighter, thinking about how amazing she was. She was right. Even if he could not travel the universe anymore and Doctor was not his name anymore, there was still so much he could do. 

After a stretch of silence, Martha said, “You confuse me.” 

“Why?” Jamie asked. 

Martha released his arms and turned around within his arms which circled her, so she could face him. She looked into his eyes as if searching for something before she spoke, “Sometimes you can be so absolutely ridiculous, so childish and so very stubborn.”

“I hope you aren’t going to say only bad things about me,” Jamie joked with a smile.

“But other times it’s like you’re so much older than you look. Like your eyes hold the secrets of the universe, and I can discover everything with you.”

“I wish I could show you the universe,” Jamie said wistfully, imagining how much Martha would have loved travelling in the Tardis. He grew apologetic remembering how once he was given the chance to show another Martha the universe, but he had taken her for granted. He never wanted to make that mistake again.

“Why do I believe you when you say that?” Martha asked, searching his eyes. 

“Because if I could, I would,” Jamie said, and Martha believed him. 

Martha tiptoed and reached up to wrap her hand around Jamie’s neck and pulled him towards her lips. Martha kissed him gently, and Jamie felt a warmth radiate through his body, creating a tingling feeling within his core. Martha released him and lowered, looking at him with trusting eyes. 

Jamie looked down at Martha with the same trust. If everything felt new and foreign, she was the one thing that felt right, he thought. 

Jamie smiled and placed his hand on Martha's chin and tilted it up before he moved in closer and kissed her. He could feel some of her hesitation, as if afraid to leap in too fast. So, he pressed softly against her mouth, encouraging her to open up to him as he had with her. Until she sighed softly and parted her mouth. He licked sweetly into Martha's mouth, taking his time to make sure she was ready and did not feel pressured. But as they kissed, she lost her hesitancy and her kisses grew in urgency and need, so they were barely breathing between their kisses when they parted.

Jamie kissed Martha’s forehead and wrapped his arms around her as Martha’s hands encircled his waist. Jamie had not been sure of a lot of things since arriving. Had doubted himself countless times. But he was finally sure about one thing. He always wanted Martha in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed their first date. 
> 
> Next chapter: Cyber Pit


	17. Cyber pit

“Good morning everyone,” Jamie said, cheerfully to Connor and Ian as he walked into their base. 

“Why are you in such a good mood?” Connor asked.

“Aren’t I allowed to be?” Jamie said, walking to his desk.

“One minute you’re prickly and uptight and the next a ray of sunshine,” Connor complained. 

“You are this team’s doctor, not their physiatrist,” Ian said. 

“Well with Lovesick and Bleeding-Heart, I think we need a physiatrist,” Connor retorted. 

“Who are Lovesick and Bleeding-Heart,” Jake asked, entering the room.

“Yes Connor, who are they?” Ian asked, daring him to admit who he was talking about.

“Nobody,” Connor answered.

Ian scoffed but looked away.

“We have to head out,” Jake said. “So everyone gear up.”

“Where are we going?” Jamie asked.

“There is a report of Cybermen sightings in the heart of the city,” Jake stated.

“I’m not going,” Connor said, turning away to look busy. “It’s probably just another wild goose chase.” 

“My thoughts exactly,” Ian said.

“I know how you all feel,” Jake said sympathetically. “But the police responded this time, and the initial assessment is there is potential. So, since we responded the last time, we are being asked to go again.”

Jake explained the situation and afterwards, Jamie pursed his lips and said, “Isn't this wierd? The situation is almost identical to the last time we responded. It’s an excavator which has fallen into a sinkhole and supposed Cybermen in a pit.”

“I’m telling you it’s trolls,” Connor said. 

“There have been no new sightings of Cybermen since they disappeared from this world,” Ian complained.

“True, but during the troubles, it was not uncommon for people to stumble upon inactive units waiting to be activated,” Jake said. 

“And it is suspicious that the one workman who made the claim has conveniently disappeared,” Jamie added. 

“I know," Jake admitted. "But it doesn’t change the fact someone has to respond. So we have no choice.”

When they arrived, they drove into a new construction site which was deserted except for six police officers gathered around one of their cruisers. Their vehicles lined a barricade about 100 metres away from the excavator which was halfway into the ground. They parked beside one of the cruisers, and as they exited their vehicle, they were approached by one of the police officers.

“Hello, I’m PC Yasmin Khan,” the officer said. 

“Hello,” Jamie said cheerfully. 

“That’s a cheerful bunch behind you,” Jake commented, watching the other officers glaring at them. 

“Ignore them. You know how some of the force can be,” Yasmin said, not needing to explain how some officers did not like reporting to Torchwood. Or that there was tension around their jurisdiction. 

“But they were still friendly enough to call us in,” Connor said, as he joined them with Ian. 

“Well, that’s just protocol,” Yasmin explained. 

“What have you found so far?” Jamie asked. 

Yasmin briefed them on the situation. They had sent all workers home, clearing the site. As they already knew, the worker involved in the accident had disappeared, so they could only go off what was reported. That a sinkhole had formed as the worker was operating the excavator, and he had seen Cybermen in the hole that formed as he escaped.

The problem was the ground was too unstable to approach the excavator. So, they had cornered off the area. Placing barriers around the perimeter as they waiting for a crane. They could not see anything using a drone and satellite imagery gave nothing. There was also too much metal underground interfering with assessments.

"You've been thorough," Jamie complimented.

"Thank you," Yasmin said. "I wish I could give you more information, but without going underground, there is no way to know more."

“Is there a way to get underground?” Ian asked.

“They are a few,” Yasmin said. “I can show you on my computer in my car.”

They followed Yasmin to her car and devised a plan to enter through a sewer manhole, which seemed to lead to a tunnel which led to an open space below the excavator. They grabbed torches and everyone except Jamie equipped themselves with uzi type pistols, which were capable of stunning but not disabling Cybermen. Ian also grabbed a backpack before their team made their way down a manhole about 500 metres away, with Connor going through last. As soon as they reached the bottom of the sewer shaft, they were assaulted by a foul odour. 

“This place smells awful,” Connor complained as his feet hit the ground.

""What did you expect?" Jamie asked sarcastically. "This is a sewer."

Connor made as face as he wiped his hands against his pants, and grabbed his torch which was their only source of light in the dark sewer. “The police hate us but they are all too happy to let us go into sewers for them.”

“It’s much safer and quicker to enter through here,” Ian defended. 

“Being a sewer rat was not in my job description,” Connor grumbled.

“You clearly didn’t read the job description then,” Ian commented. 

“I was told it would be glamorous,” Connor lamented.

“Which way is it?” Jake asked Ian, ignoring Connor's complaining.

“This way,” Ian said, walking ahead into the darkness with a torch in hand. 

"We will be the only team going in with no backup, so everyone be careful," Jake said following. 

They all followed Ian down the winding sewer tunnels, trending through shallow stagnant water. Until he stopped at a wall about fifteen minutes later. 

“This seems to be the place,” Ian said. He walked down to the end and came back. “We can get in through here,” 

“But this is solid wall,” Jamie said confused.

“I thought we might have trouble, so I brought something," Ian said, handing his torch to Jake and taking off his backpack. "It’s a dead-end down there and city maps did not show the underground structure which showed up on satellite imagery. You see, the problem is the city has a lot of hidden passageways and tunnels built in the 1800s which were never officially documented. But I’ve got a way of getting through.”

He pulled out a case from his bag which contained nine large pins, with one larger than the rest, and a compact computer. He drove four pins into the concrete wall to form a large square, before placing a larger pin in the middle. 

“We should all step back,” Ian said.

They stepped a few paces back, and Ian entered a code before pressing a button. The wall began to shake and the bricks crumbled leaving a perfectly square opening. 

“That’s brilliant,” Jamie said, fascinated. “Concentrated shock waves in a defined solid space so that the vibrating molecules absorb all the energy and breaks apart.”

“It is fascinating, isn’t it,” Ian said pleased as he retrieved the pins. “After the success we had in the medical field using shock waves to break up kidney stones, our lab was able to determine that solid rock, or any ore for that matter, are extremely sensitive to certain frequencies because they resonate at those frequencies. So, they isolated those frequencies and amped them up to be strong enough to break apart the molecules.”

“Cool science lesson guys,” Connor said sarcastically. "But we have a job to do."

Ian shook his head at Connor’s indifference but shined his light through the new opening, seeing a sliver of light from above. He looked up and saw that was likely where the excavator was falling through. He cast his beam across the room, scanning the area.

“There is something in the back,” Ian said, stepping through as the others followed.

“Stop,” Ian said in warning as he suddenly raised his gun. 

“What’s wrong?” Jake asked, following close behind him.

But he did not need an answer as they all saw the same thing at almost the same time. Three lines of silver Cybermen lined up against the back wall. 

“No way,” Connor whispered in shock as he looked at the uniform rows of metal men.

Jamie stepped forward with his own flashlight to get a closer look. 

“Be careful,” Jake warned, holding his gun up.

“It’s okay,” Jamie said, approaching the Cybermen. They were covered in dust and appeared dormant. 

“Are they all inactive?” Jake asked.

“Yes,” Jamie confirmed. “Completely dormant.”

Jamie walked up to one of the units and tapped it, but nothing happened. 

Connor gave Jamie a death glare which he did not see in the darkness. 

Jamie walked around the row of units which all seemed perfectly intact with no apparent damage evident. 

“Nothing seems wrong with them,” he observed curiously. 

“How many are in here,” Jake asked, also approaching one of the Cybermen.

Connor and Ian went to separate sides of the room and counted the units. 

“20 here,” Connor said.

“There are 30 here,” Ian said.

“This doesn’t make sense, there is nothing wrong with them,” Jamie observed again taking a few steps back to look at the whole room of Cyber units. 

“Why are they still here?” Jamie asked. “Why did they not turn on when all the others did?” 

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out too,” Ian said, seeing an exit at the end leading into a passageway. “We should be careful though, we don’t want anything activating them.”

Ian approached the beam of light filtering in from above, stepping through scattered rocks and earth from the roof above. Specks of dust fell occasionally from above as cracks showed the underside view of the excavator. The ground above had collapsed inward, with the excavator hanging precariously above. There was a strong smell of diesel filling the space, and they could hear the sound of dripping. 

“We do not want this thing collapsing on us,” Ian said, backing away. 

“Let’s just get this done as quickly as possible then,” Connor said. “What can we do?”

“We can’t destroy them yet, it’s too dangerous. This roof could collapse on us,” Ian said. 

“There are too many to deal with on our own anyway, I'll call for back so we can do it once the crane removes the excavator,” Jake said, taking out his phone and trying to make a call. “There’s no signal in here.”

Ian and Connor also checked their phones and saw they also had no coverage. 

“Is it safe to leave them here and we climb back up?” Jake asked.

“I don’t see why not,” Jamie said. “They have been dormant so far.” 

Ian agreed with him. But then a thought occurred to Jamie. 

“Wait,” Jamie said, taking out his phone and approaching the collapsing roof.

“Be careful,” Ian warned.

Jamie moved closer, holding up his phone until he was directly underneath the excavator. 

He held his phone higher and after a moment one bar appeared. Jamie smiled, “It’s working." He kept his phone held up and dialled the last number he had called to make sure it would go through. And it did, as he heard a ringing tone. 

“Jamie watch out,” Connor shouted. 

Connor grabbed Jamie, knocking his phone out of his hand as he pulled him out of the way as a huge rock fell from above. They looked up and saw the excavator wobble before came tumbling down and crashed onto the ground. Connor and Jamie managed to jump back to avoid the collapsing roof which came down I'm front of them.

Dust and debris filled the room and they could not see anything in the cloud of dust which choked up the space as light filtered in from above. 

“Is everyone okay,” Jake shouted, coughing.

“Yes,” he heard Ian say from beside him then heard Jamie and Connor answer as well.

They could hear indistinct shouting from above through the thick haze of dust filling the room. But Jamie's attention was drawn to a blue light which blinked on. Jamie's eyes became wide as another set of blue eyes appeared. In no time, a cascade of blue circular lights lit the room. 

“Everyone get out now,” Jamie shouted, pulling Connor with him. 

Jake responded a second later as he turned away from the excavator and saw blue lights behind him. He also grabbed Ian and they all ran out of the room still clouded in dust and headed out the opening they came through. Retreating back into the tunnel until they turned a corner. 

They came to a stop out of breath and covered in dust. 

Jake looked around at his team, making sure everyone was okay before asking Connor, “Where’s your gun?” 

“I dropped it back there,” Connor replied having belatedly realized he had lost his gun when he had pushed Jamie out of harm's way, and the roof collapsed. 

“That’s exactly what we needed,” Ian said sarcastically.

“It’s not like I did it on purpose,” Connor defended. 

“We still wouldn’t be able to fight them even if you had your gun,” Jamie said.

“No, we wouldn’t,” Jake confirmed. “There are fifty of them in there.” 

“Do you think the collapse activated them?” Ian guessed. 

“No, that would be too simple,” Jamie said, knowing the question was directed at him. Something was also nagging at him. “The last time the Doctor was here, he also met inactivated units and those were activated by a signal.”

Jake looked at his phone, “But I don’t have a signal now.”

“But I had one when I was directly below the excavator before it collapsed,” Jamie said. Realizing he had lost his phone in the commotion.

“But Lumic’s signal was destroyed,” Jake said. “And there are no known Cybermen left in our world to create a new one.”

"And even if I could imagine that somehow an activation signal was still active from before the Cybermen left," Ian chimed in, "it should not be stronger than a cell phone signal. It would lose strength over time.”

“Unless someone started it up again,” Jamie said. 

“Who would do that?” Ian asked. “Who would ever want to go back to the time of the troubles?”

“That’s what we have to find out,” Jamie said.

“What you are all discussing is lovely,” Connor cut in, “But it doesn’t really help us right now. We have to get out of here and warn everyone.” 

“We can’t just leave them here, fifty units are enough to cause serious harm if they make it aboveground,” Jamie said. 

“So, what do you propose then?” Connor asked. “How can we stop them with two guns?” 

“Give me a minute to think,” Jamie said. 

“We don’t have a minute,” Connor said. 

“Let him think,” Jake instructed. 

Jamie knew Cybermen would never listen to reason, but they also could not leave them to disappear down the passageway they had seen. They had to use what was around them. They had two guns but they were in a sewer. Two guns in a sewer system with a collapsed roof. Jamie looked at Ian and realized something and smiled. 

“I have a plan,” he said. 

Ian looked at Jamie sceptically, not liking the look he was getting. 

“What’s the plan?” Ian asked. 

“We will have to split up,” Jamie said. 

“Whatever you’re planning we have to do it together,” Jake said.

“Hear me out first before you make your decision,” Jamie requested.

He explained what he needed of each of them.

“That’s too risky, what if you get hurt or killed?” Jake said, thinking it was a terrible idea. 

“I just need you all to do your part and no one will die today,” Jamie assured.

“I do not like this plan either,” Ian stated as he crossed his hands. 

“We don’t have a lot of choices right now,” Jamie said. “If those units decide to move, they could disappear and pop up anywhere. The sewer is a maze and we have no idea where that passageway leads.”

“Protocol would dictate we retreat and request back up,” Jake said. 

“And how long will that take? We never called for backup and those six police officers aboveground aren’t much backup,” Jamie said. “It took us roughly fifteen minutes to get here and then add the time for anyone to actually mobilize and arrive.”

“We are wasting time,” Connor said. “We need to make a decision.”

“Trust me,” Jamie implored his team. “We will be able to get out of here and no one will get hurt.”

“We can only do this if we all agree,” Jake said. “Does everyone agree?”

Jake looked around at his team. 

“Ian?” Jake asked. 

Ian was still struggling with making a decision so Jamie said, “Trust me, please.”

Ian frowned but reluctantly said, “Okay.”

Then Jake looked at Connor, who looked at Ian, before reluctantly nodding his head as well.

“Jake?” Jamie said, turning the question on him.

“Okay,” Jake said with great reluctance.

Jamie placed his hand on Jake’s shoulder, “You can trust me.” 

Ian removed his backpack and took out the case from earlier. They each took pins, with Jamie taking three and the computer. 

“Take this as well,” Ian said, holding out his gun to Jamie. 

“I don’t need that,” Jamie said, refusing, but Ian still took his hand and placed the gun in it. 

“No negotiation,” Ian said. 

“Don’t die,” Connor said, giving Jamie a worried look.

They all inched closer to the corner they had turned and looked around. They could see two sets of blue eyes in the dark stationed at the entrance now. 

Jamie looked at Ian who looked nervous but he smiled at him and whispered, “Remember, to move as far away as you can.” 

Ian nodded his head and Jamie looked back at the Cybermen. He could feel a rush of adrenaline knowing he was putting himself in harm's way, but that should be nothing new for him. But it felt oddly different this time. Until he remembered that if he died today, he would actually die. No chance of regeneration. 

He wondered whether this was what it meant to be human, the knowledge that any moment could be your last. Maybe that’s why as the Doctor he could be so reckless at times. Because though death was a possibility, it was not the only option. 

Still, that did not change his decision. He would never put his life above his friends. Though death was a real possibility, he would always want it to be him in danger and not his friends. That would never change.

Jamie took a deep breath and stepped out into the middle of the sewer and loudly declared, “I surrender.”

The two Cybermen raised their hands as their hands began to glow.

“I surrender,” Jamie shouted again as he took tentative steps forward. “I want to be upgraded.” 

“Follow us,” they said without hesitation. 

They walked him inside to the other Cybermen and Jamie looked up to see the huge gapping hole which allowed light into the once dark space. He slowed his steps, deliberately walking slowly. When he had almost reached the centre of the room, he stopped. 

“Move,” one of the Cybermen behind him commanded and pushed him to keep walking. 

Jamie let himself stumble and fell onto his knees, bracing himself with his hands and pushing a pin into the floor. He slowly stood up and took the time to wipe his hands on his pants. 

He was pushed again but this time he did not let himself fall and started walking. He was brought before one of the Cybermen and one of the ones behind him said, “He has volunteered to be upgraded.”

The Cybermen who seemed to be charged turned to face him, his attention focused on him. 

“Hold him until further notice,” he instructed before turning back to his discussion. 

Jamie turned around and inched to a corner he needed to be in. 

As he moved, he half-listened to the conversation of them trying to contact other Cybermen until he was instructed to stop walking. Jamie paused and turned around to look back at the door to see that two other units had replaced the ones who were now guarding him. He could only hope he had given his team enough time to sneak past the opening before they took position.

“As we cannot contact any of the others. It must be assumed that we are the last. We shall have to rebuild,” the Cybermen commander said.

Jamie looked around and decided he was in the best position he would get to without drawing suspicious. So he bent down and pretended to retie his laces as he pushed the final pin into the ground. He took a few paces back to be away from the impact zone. 

Continuing to speak, the Cybermen commander said, “We will rebuild a factory and immediately begin converting more humans. All units be ready to move.”

The Commander turned to Jamie and assessed him. “He will be deleted before we proceed.”

“Wait,” Jamie said as he removed the backpack. “That’s rude.”

“We have no concept of rudeness,” the Commander said. 

Jamie still pouted offended before he said, “I have something to present to you. It’s information on the location of other Cybermen. It's in my bag." Jamie took out the compact computer. “Since you can’t take offence, you won’t take it the wrong way then when I do this,” Jamie said, pressing enter. 

Jamie's eyes lit up as he watched the ground in front of him shake, sending shockwaves across his feet as the Cybernen violently shook. Jamie had pre-set the frequency at which steel resonated and amped it to the max. But as Jamie watched, he quickly realized it was not enough.

He knew steel was the strongest alloy currently existing on Earth, so it would be a difficult task over a large area with his team having placed pins along the outside perimeter. He could see the energy was not strong enough to destroy the units. With a brief sense of panic, he realized his plan was not going to work.

Jamie saw the commander slowly raising up his gun to point it at him and Jamie knew he did not have much time until the device turned off. He looked around and noticed a rainbow sheen on the ground, flowing from the excavator wreckage. He could also smell the unmistakable smell of fuel. 

It occurred to Jamie that all atoms need heat to move faster. So, he pointed his gun at the metallic wreckage and fired where he thought the fuel tank would be with no effect. He fired again and saw sparks at the base of the machine before a blinding red explosion hit him and flung him backwards before all went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no idea that’s how doctors got rid of kidney stones until I was writing this story. The more you know.
> 
> I’ve been trying to release one chapter a week, so this is late. But I'm still hoping to release the next chapter by the end of the weekend. 
> 
> Next chapter: Aftermath


	18. Aftermath

Jamie sucked in a deep breath as his lungs filled with air. Pain shot through his chest as it constricted painfully, causing him to gasp in pain. 

“Jamie!” Connor exhaled in relief as Jamie’s eyes blinked open. Connor fell back on to his heels, feeling exhausted.

“Jamie you’re back,” Jake said, coming into view. “You scared us.”

Jamie felt like someone had burst apart his chest, and a heavyweight had been placed on it. 

“How do you feel?” Connor asked. 

“What happened?” Jamie asked, groaning, as he felt his chest to make sure it was still intact.

“Your heart stopped for a few minutes,” Connor explained, as he looked at him with worry.

“My heart stopped?” Jamie asked.

“Connor performed CPR and brought you back,” Jake said.

“You’re welcome,” Connor tried to joke but failed to hide the strain in his voice. 

“We thought we had lost you,” Jake said, also looking worried. 

“I’m fine now,” Jamie said, sitting up. “What happened to the Cybermen?” 

“Your plan worked, the Cybermen have all been destroyed,” Jake said.

Jamie looked around the room and saw deactivated Cybermen covered in rubble. He looked up and saw there was now a huge gaping hole above them. 

“It seems the fuel tank exploded and caused the roof collapse,” Connor said, watching Jamie look up. “And we found you here unconscious.” 

“Sorry, that was me,” Jamie said. 

“Wait what?” Jake asked, alarmed. 

“The plan was not enough, I needed the explosion for it to succeed,” Jamie explained. 

“You could have killed yourself,” Connor stated, looking genuinely angry. “You’re lucky the blast likely pushed you back or you would have probably been caught in the collapse.”

“I had no other choice,” Jamie defended, feeling wetness on his forehead. He touched his brow and saw blood on his hand. 

“It's a cut,” Connor said. He twisted the belt bag on his waist to the front and put-on gloves before taking out gauze. 

“Oww,” Jamie winced in pain.

“Don’t be a baby,” Connor said, as he cleaned the cut and placed a band-aid on it. “You’ll need stitches but I can wait until we get back to the car. You’ll also need to get properly checked once we are back at Torchwood.” 

“I feel fine,” Jamie said dismissively.

“We will let the doctors decide that,” Jake said. 

“Honestly, I’m fine,” Jamie repeated. 

“Your heart stopped,” Connor said flatly. “How can you be fine?”

“One of my hearts has stopped before, it’s no big deal,” Jamie said.

“You only have one heart now,” Connor countered. “You might have known your previous body, but you can’t overestimate yourself now. You’re human now.”

“Only half-human,” Jamie retorted. 

“Timeout both of you,” Jake said stopping them. “I suggest we continue this discussion once we get out of here. Agreed?”

“Sure,” both Connor and Jamie replied. 

“Wait,” Jamie said. “Where is Ian?”

“He is okay,” Jake said. “He went to get help. We weren’t sure we could bring you back on our own, or whether you would need a stretcher.”

“I’m pretty sure I can walk,” Jamie said, getting up with a little help from Jake.

They heard a chatter of voices and the pounding of footsteps before Ian appeared at the entrance. 

“Omg Jamie!” Ian said with relief, running up to Jamie and hugging him. “I was so worried.”

“I’m fine,” Jamie said, once Ian had released him. 

Yasmin with a pair of paramedics stood behind him. 

“That was quick,” Connor commented, “I didn’t expect you to get paramedics here so fast.” 

“I called them as soon as we heard the explosion,” Yasmin said. “But he seems to be fine.”

“I am fine,” Jamie said.

“We will decide that when we examine you aboveground,” Connor said. 

When they exited the sewers, the area was a completely different place from the one they found when they arrived. It was swarming with first respondents and other Torchwood staff. Along the construction fence where now a crowd of observers, likely curious about what was happening. Jamie also spotted what looked to be reporters. 

“When did all these people arrive?” Jamie asked. 

“News of what is happening managed to get out," Yasmin explained. "And the explosion drew attention.” 

“Connor and Ian," Jake said, “take Jamie back to our vehicle and examine him properly. Then take him back to Torchwood for a full checkup. Yasmin and I will liaise with everyone here to get the area cleaned up.”

“Jake, honestly I’m fine,” Jamie tried to say, but Connor and Ian pulled him away. 

They took him to their vehicle, and Connor stitched up the cut above his eyebrow and placed a bandage before he started his examination. 

“You see, I’m fine,” Jamie said once he was done.

“I still think Christina should check you out,” Connor said, meaning Jamie’s doctor back at Torchwood. 

“So that she can have fun poking and prodding me?” Jamie asked. “I don’t think so.”

But before Connor could respond, they heard helicopter engines. They looked up and saw a helicopter with the Torchwood “T” embezzled on to the side.

“Shit,” Connor said, with a sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Jamie asked.

“That’s Pete’s copter,” Ian explained. “He never comes out into the field unless something is seriously wrong.”

“Well, we did just find 50 Cybermen,” Jamie said. 

“And Mr Genius almost got himself killed,” Connor added. 

Jake suddenly appeared beside them and asked, “Jamie are you okay?”

“I told you I was fine,” Jamie said. 

“Okay good,” Jake said, looking nervous. “I better go and meet Pete.” 

“Wait,” Jamie said, grabbing Jake’s shoulder to stop him. “Let me go. I have a feeling the reason he is here has something to do with me.”

Jamie walked on ahead alone as the helicopter landed. Someone opened the door and Pete stepped out not looking pleased. His eyes opened in surprise when his eyes landed on Jamie before his mood seemed to sour. 

Jamie approached him, giving his most cheerful smile. “Pete! What are you doing here?” 

“What the hell happened down there,” Pete asked without preamble.

“We encountered Cybermen,” Jamie said cynically. 

“I’m talking about your team,” Pete said sternly. But realizing he was shouting and people were staring, he forced himself to calm down. But still, in a steely voice, he continued, “Why didn’t you get back up?”

“Because we could handle it ourselves,” Jamie said.

“You could handle 50 Cybermen by yourselves? I was told you were dead,” Pete said, in a mixture of anger and worry. 

“But look at me, I’m fine,” Jamie said back. 

That only seemed to aggravate Pete further. “Have you seen the state you’re in?” 

“It’s worse than it looks,” Jamie replied, touching his forehead. “We had everything under control.”

Jamie saw Pete clench his jaw before he continued speaking, “We fought a war and won. We didn’t do it by acting reckless and being foolhardy.”

“I wasn’t being reckless,” Jamie defended. “The Cybermen would have left long before backup arrived. They were planning a retreat with a plan to ‘recruit’ more people.”

“And did you really think we could not stop them?” Pete asked. 

“I made the decision I thought was best at the time,” Jamie said. “It put the least amount of people at risk.”

“And what about you?” Pete asked. “What about your life and the lives of your teammates?”

“They were never in danger, and I was ready to risk my life so no one else would get hurt,” Jamie said. 

“How do you not see that as a problem? If your plan failed, you would be dead. You were putting your whole team at risk,” Pete stated with anger. 

“But I didn’t fail, I succeeded,” Jamie state frankly. “What’s the point of discussing what-ifs now.”

Pete stared at Jamie with anger in his eyes but then he sighed. “I don’t know why I’m even angry with you. I expect this from you, but not Jake.” 

“This is not Jake’s fault. I convinced everyone to follow my plan and you know how convincing I can be. If anyone should take responsibility for what happened, I’m your guy,” Jamie asserted. 

Pete shook his head, visibly deflating. “I will deal with you all later. Take your team and head home while I supervise this cleanup.”

Pete began walking away, effectively ending the conversation before he stopped. He turned back around and said, “Jamie another thing.”

“Yes?” 

“Take a shower as soon as you get back,” Pete said.

Jamie looked down at himself, remembering he had just been in a sewer and his shoes were covered in muck, “Oh yeah, right.”

Pete shook his head but smiled fractionally before he walked away. 

Jamie returned to his team, who had been watching their conversation from their car.

“Don’t look so worried, everything is okay,” Jamie said, rejoining them.

“It didn’t look okay to me,” Jake stated.

“He had a few angry words but I explained everything to him,” Jamie said. 

“That’s a relief,” Connor said. 

“Pete said he will supervise the clean-up and we can all head home. Though I think it’s because he thinks we all stink,” Jamie joked. 

“I do need a shower,” Connor said. 

“We can drop you at home?” Jake offered.

“If you think I’m going to stink up my apartment, you’ve got another thing coming,” Connor said, as he jumped into the car. “And I have to make sure this one sees Christina.”

Jamie remembered his phone. “I lost my phone down there.”

“I’ll get you a new one when we are back at HQ,” Jake said, also getting into the car. 

___

Jake walked into the med bay holding Jamie’s new phone and handed it to him. 

“Does it have the same number?” Jamie asked, turning it on. 

“It should be practically identical,” Jake said. “Our phones are automatically backed up and tracked every five minutes. So, when you turn it on, it should sync.”

Feeling relieved, Jamie saw his phone light up and reload. Once on, he saw two messages from Martha from earlier in the day. He realized she was probably wondering why he had not responded. 

“Am I done here?” Jamie asked Christina. 

“Yes,” she said, “but I would feel more comfortable if you spend the next 12 hours with someone watching you.”

“Why?” Jamie asked. 

“This might be hard for you to understand,” Christina said, “but humans don’t just bounce back after their hearts stop. Clinically, the survival rate is roughly ten percent, and most survival victims have neurological damage. But you. What you’re doing is not normal.”

“It’s a good thing I’m only half-human,” Jamie said, smiling. 

Christina sighed and looked at Jake. 

“I’ll stay with him,” Jake told Christina. 

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Jamie declared. 

“Then you’re staying here,” Jake said. 

Christina’s eyes lit up. “That’s a great idea.”

“No,” Jamie immediately refused. 

But Jake crossed his arms, “You decide, it’s either I come with you or you stay here.” 

“What about a third option?” Jamie offered. 

“Which is?” 

“Martha,” Jamie suggested. “She’s a doctor.”

Jake uncrossed his arms. “That’s not such a bad idea.”

“Who is she?” Christina asked. 

“His girlfriend,” Jake explained. 

Christina pursed her lips but agreed. 

“Call her up,” Jake said. 

“What?” Jamie asked. 

“Did you expect us to just let you walk out?” Jake asked. “Call Martha up and ask her. I’ll drive you.”

“I should call with you here?” Jamie asked. He had only suggested Martha as an excuse for getting away. But he realized he had miscalculated. 

“Are you embarrassed?” Jake asked. 

“I don’t need to hear this,” Christina said, walking away. 

Jamie sighed and dialled Martha up. 

“Hello,” Martha said. 

“Hey,” Jamie answered. 

“I almost got worried,” Martha said. “You called me, and then hung up and I couldn’t reach you.”

“Yeah, my phone was broken,” Jamie said. “But I got a replacement.”

Jake cleared his throat. 

“Actually… ummh,” Jamie said, but paused. 

“Yes?” Martha asked. 

“I was in a bit of an accident,” Jamie said. 

“Are you okay?” Martha asked, with concern filling her voice. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” he answered, but Jake coughed again. “But the doctor says I need to be with someone for the next 12 hours.”

“What happened? Did you hit your head?” Martha asked worried. “Do you have a concussion?”

Jamie thought that was a good enough excuse, thinking Martha would also freak out if she knew it was because his heart had stopped. 

“Yes,” Jamie lied. 

“I’m at home right now. Do you need me to come and pick you up?”

“No, that’s okay. Remember Jake, he can drop me off,” Jamie replied.

Martha agreed and gave her apartment number. 

Martha sat on her couch drumming her fingers on her phone, waiting for Jamie to arrive. When she heard the doorbell, she rushed to the door and opened it. 

Martha paused, momentarily taken aback when she saw Jamie. His skin was pale and he looked tired. There was also a bright red bruise on the top of his brow, partially covered by a Band-Aid. He was also not dressed as normal, but was wearing a sweater with the Torchwood “T” on his chest and training pants.

“Hello again,” Jake said. 

“Hi,” Martha said forcing a smile for Jake. 

“Thanks for agreeing to look after Jamie,” he said. 

“It’s not a problem,” Martha said. 

To Jamie, Jake said, “Remember you have the day off tomorrow, so take it easy.”. 

“Sure thing,” Jamie said, saluting Jake sarcastically and feeling annoyed. 

“Take care of him,” Jake said before leaving. 

“Come in,” Martha said, inviting Jamie in. 

“You really don’t have to do this,” Jamie said, walking into Martha’s apartment and looking around. 

Her apartment was full of life and colour. Her walls were bright with colour and lined with pictures. There were a few pot plants lining the window sill and a bookcase filled with books against one wall.

“Have you had a look at yourself in the mirror,” Martha asked, leading Jamie to her couch. 

“Yes,” Jamie confirmed. 

“Well, you look terrible,” Martha said, sitting on the couch and facing Jamie.

Jamie smiled, “And you look beautiful.”

“Jamie,” Martha said almost in warning and Jamie sighed. “Are you okay?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” Jamie nodded and gave Martha a reassuring smile. “It’s nothing really. You don’t have to worry.”

“What happened?” she asked, still looking worried. 

“You would have seen it on the news, about the Cybermen,” Jamie said. 

“You were there?” Martha asked. 

“Yeah, but as you saw on the news, everything is okay,” Jamie said. “I just got a little banged up in the process.”

“They said there was an explosion,” Martha said, “which destroyed all the units.”

“Yes,” Jamie confirmed. “I was caught up in it.”

“And the doctor said you were fine?” Martha asked. 

“Yeah,” Jamie answered. “She was just being overly cautious by needing someone with me.”

Martha squeezed his hand gently and looked at him with relief. “I’m happy you are safe,” Martha said, but she looked down with an embarrassed smile. “But now I feel a little stupid.”

“Why?” Jamie asked.

“I was getting worried that you were having second thoughts.”

“Second thoughts about what?” Jamie asked. 

“About us,” Martha clarified, as she looked back up. “We kissed and then suddenly I couldn’t get in touch with you.”

“Martha,” Jamie said, rubbing his thumb against the soft skin of Martha’s hand. “You don’t have to worry about us.”

“I was being stupid,” Martha said. 

"I called you then hung up and wasn’t reachable for hours. It’s only natural you would get worried,” Jamie said, recalling he had called Martha instinctively before the ceiling collapse, which caused him to lose his phone. 

Martha smiled and changed the subject. “Have you eaten?”

‘I’m not that hungry,” Jamie replied. 

“But I am,” Martha said, releasing his hand and picking up her phone. She ordered takeout online and in no time, she had two steaming hot bowls of soup and boxes of food in front of them. 

Martha watched Jamie eating and grinned, “I thought you said you were not hungry.”

“I wasn’t before,” Jamie said, taking a big bite. 

“You really need to take better care of yourself,” Martha said. 

“That’s what everyone keeps saying,” Jamie said in between gulps of food. 

“Maybe they have a point,” 

“Maybe they do,” Jamie conceded. 

When they were done eating, Martha suggested a movie and Jamie agreed. After they finished the first one, they put another one on. But not soon after it started, Martha noticed Jamie yawning before his eyes began to droop. 

“You should get some sleep. It’s been a busy day,” Martha suggested. 

Jamie yawned again and nodded.

“Will you be okay on the couch?” Martha asked. “Because you can take the bed and I can sleep on the couch.”

“No, the couch is fine,” Jamie said. 

Martha went to her bedroom and grabbed a pillow and blankets from the cardboard. She came back and lay them on the couch.

“If you need anything at all, let me know. It doesn’t matter the time,” Martha said.

Jamie smiled and said, “I will, thank you.”

“Have a goodnight,” Martha said. 

“Goodnight,” Jamie said in response, yawning again. 

Martha smiled, thinking most men would not be falling asleep so easily when it was their first night at the house of the woman they were interested in. But Jamie was not most men, and he was hurt. He had also tried to hide it, but Martha had easily seen how tired he was through his smiles.

Martha returned to her room and changed into button-down pyjamas before slipping into bed. 

___

Martha was unsure how long she had been asleep before she was woken up. Her room was still plunged in darkness, and her house seemed peaceful and silent. 

However, as Martha listened, she thought she heard a voice. She lay still, listening for the sound again as she remembered that Jamie was asleep on the couch. She heard the voice again, but could not make out what was being said. She pulled back the covers and got out of bed. 

She walked to the door, hearing words she could not understand. She could now hear it was Jamie’s voice, but his voice sounded different. The language he spoke was strange and unfamiliar, but it sounded like something was wrong. 

Martha opened the door and saw the living room was still in darkness. She walked in and found Jamie still laying on the couch. He continued to speak or mumble in the strange language as she drew closer. Turning on the side lamp, she saw his eyes were closed, but his face was contorted in pain. It looked like he was in agony and his forehead was covered in sweat. 

Martha rushed to his side and kneeled down beside him. Her hands reached for him and she tried to gently call his name. But when Jamie’s face continued to contort in pain, she shook him awake more forcibly. 

“Jamie! Jamie!” Martha called, trying to shake him awake and free him of his nightmare. “Jamie, wake up!”

Jamie’s eyes finally shot open, and he stared at her in confusion. 

“Jamie,” Martha breathed in relief, 

“Martha?” he asked, his eyes looking lost. 

“I’m here,” Martha said. 

Jamie sat up and slipped his hands around her waist and hugged her. Holding her tightly as he hid his head against her chest. Martha instinctively wrapped her arms around him, hugging him protectively.

“I’ve got you," Martha reassured him, as he gripped her tighter.

Martha was not sure how to comfort him as she heard Jamie take steady breaths and felt the tension in his body. All she could do was embrace him as her hands rubbed soothing circles around his back. 

Feeling his body relax and the tension fading, she asked, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Jamie said, releasing a deep breath. 

Tentatively, she asked, “Want to talk about it?” 

When Jamie lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes were unguarded and he did not hide his pain. Yet, he still shook his head and said, “No.” 

Martha's heart ached as she looked at him, and knew she could not leave his side. “Do you want to spend the rest of the night with me?”

Jamie only paused for a moment before he nodded his head. 

Martha stood up and held out her hand to him. Jamie placed his hand on her warm palm and her fingers wrapped around the back of his hand. Jamie's hand tightened around hers as he stood up. 

Martha led him to her room and crawled into bed with Jamie following her in. He slotted himself beside her to rest his head against her chest and Martha wrapped her arms around him. She placed one hand at the nape of his neck and her fingers brushed against his skin. Moving through his hair as Jamie sighed into her touch, comforted by it. 

They lay together in silence and Martha listened to Jamie’s breathing until it slowed to shallow breaths, signalling he had drifted back to sleep. However, she could not immediately fall asleep. She could not stop thinking about what had just happened. The strange language Jamie had spoken, the look of agony on his face, and the pain in his eyes.

She looked down at him, only seeing his outline in the darkness. Martha had always felt like Jamie was hiding more than he was saying, and tonight confirmed it. 

She had known Jamie for only a few months, which was relatively a short time. But there were times when she felt closer to him than people she had known for years. It was like he knew her better than anyone else. Yet, she felt like there was still so much she did not know about him. She only wished he would be more open with her. 

Martha fell asleep thinking about it and it was still on her mind when she woke up the following morning. Jamie lay peacefully beside her, his breathing even and relaxed. A stark contrast to how she had found him last night.

She watched Jamie silently, unsure what to say or ask when he woke up. She cared for him deeply and wanted to understand him better. She did not want him to suffer alone and if she could help, she wanted to be there for him. 

Martha adjusted herself slightly to be more comfortable, and Jamie stirred beside her. She watched as he blinked awake and rubbed his eyes. His eyes focused on her and she smiled. 

“Good morning,” she said softly. 

Jamie mumbled in response as he adjusted to his surroundings.

She brushed the hair out of his eyes and asked, “How did you sleep?” 

“Okay,” Jamie said, feeling embarrassment building within him as he remembered what happened the previous night. He had not wanted Martha to see him like that, and now he felt exposed and vulnerable.

"I'm glad," Martha said, but Jamie could see the worry in her eyes. 

“Sorry about last night,” he said. 

“It’s okay,” Martha said, brushing his hair aside again before letting her hand rest on his cheek for a few seconds. “As long as you’re okay.”

“I am,” Jamie said, trying to smile to reassure her. “You don’t have to worry. It was just a nightmare.” 

Martha withdrew her hand and her eyes dropped, so he could not guess what she was thinking. But when their eyes met again, he could see her worry and questions plainly. 

“It looked really bad,” she said. 

Jamie knew it had been. Memories of Gallifrey and the Time War had come again to him in a nightmare. 

“Do you get them often?” Martha asked cautiously. 

“Not as much as I used to,” he said truthfully, but Jamie could see that did not reassure her. If he knew Martha, she would not stop worrying about it, so he decided to explain. 

Jamie rolled away from her to lay on his back, so she could not see his face fully. “I dreamt about my home,” Jamie explained. A short silence fell in the room before he continued. “I was there during the fighting. When it got destroyed and everyone died, but I survived.” 

Jamie could still remember everything about the war vividly. All the people who had died because of him. The guilt of what they had done still haunted him. 

Martha slipped her hand into his, and she interlaced their fingers. 

“You must miss your home,” Martha said. 

Jamie turned to look at Martha. He had expected her to ask about the war, the fighting or his nightmare. Instead, she surprised him. 

“I do. I miss it a lot,” Jamie admitted. He missed it all – his friends, his home, his Tardis and his life.

Jamie felt a heavy weight settle on his chest as he suddenly felt like crying, forcing him to look away again. 

“I’m sorry,” Martha said, squeezing his hand. “Is there anything I can do?”

Jamie shook his head and took a slow shaky breath. 

“Just having you here is enough,” he said, and he meant it. 

He lifted their interlaced hands to his lips and brushed his lips against Martha’s hand, he was so grateful to have her in his life. 

Martha moved closer and rested her head against Jamie’s shoulder to let him know she was there for him. 

As they lay together, Jamie wondered if Martha knew just how much her presence helped him. Not once, but twice the universe had helped him find her when he needed someone the most. When Jamie felt broken and alone and needed someone by his side. When he needed her by his side. 

He looked at Martha and wished he could again whisk her away in the Tardis. Fly with her across the stars and show her just how big and wondrous the universe was. But more than anything, he wished he could show her Gallifrey. His home with her two brilliant suns. The glittering silver of leaves as they caught the morning light like a forest on fire. For her to hear the song of the autumn breeze. To take her to his father’s home in the mountains, which overlooked the beautiful Cadonflood River. 

Jamie released Martha’s hand and turned to lay on his side again, so he was facing her. He gently kissed her temple before he pulled her into a hug. Grateful to Martha for never pressuring him. For always listening to him without any judgement. For her trust in him. For just being there when he needed her. 

When he looked at Martha, she smiled at him sweetly, and his heart swelled with warmth. He lifted her chin and kissed her. He kissed her again and again, feeling a different warmth building within him. 

He pushed himself up on his elbows and guided Martha to lay on her back. Jamie hovered over her, his hands going to her face to caress her cheek. Taking in her beauty before he kissed her. He could feel fluttering in his stomach as the heat began to rise up in his chest. When Martha’s lips parted, he felt the heat wash over his body and drive away all thoughts except the need to touch her. To feel her skin. To taste her. He wanted more. 

Jamie trailed kisses down Martha’s chin before he claimed her throat. He mouthed kisses against her skin, and when that was not enough, his teeth gently scraped her skin. Hearing Martha moan only stoked the flames within him as his hand moved down and under her shirt. 

Martha’s skin tingled as she felt Jamie’s hand touch her skin. His hand radiating heat as his hand cupped her breast. Martha moaned out Jamie’s as his thumb drew circles around her nipple, lifting her body to press against him. 

Jamie lifted his head to look at Martha's face, seeing the desire in her eyes.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

Martha smiled and nodded her head. "Yes."

She pulled him down and kissed him again, which was all the approval he needed. 

Jamie removed his shirt between kisses before he pulled away to unbutton Martha’s top, revealing her beautiful naked skin. He could not resist feeling the softness of her skin as his hand ran down to her stomach. 

“You’re beautiful,” Jamie said, which caused Martha to blush. 

Jamie smiled as he dropped back down to claim her lips again and licked kisses into her mouth.

They kissed for a while again, their hands exploring each other's bodies, as fingertips felt the heat of skin and hardening of nipples. Until Martha started moving her hips and Jamie felt like lightning had shot through his body. He groaned with pleasure as he thrust forward. 

Martha gripped his waist to pull him closer as he continued to thrust forward, feeling his arousal hardening. He wanted her badly but their clothes were in the way. 

His lips trailed down her body, feeling a fire burning within him as his mouth closed over a nipple as a hand caressed the other. His tongue worked in circles as his mouth sucked. Feeling himself harden with each moan Martha released. 

He continued downward, trailing kisses down to her stomach until he reached the elastic of her pyjama bottoms. He licked her stomach and mouthed kisses until he heard Martha whine in frustration. 

Jamie smiled against her skin, knowing he was torturing himself as well. He wanted her just as badly as she wanted him. 

Jamie sat up and pulled Martha’s bottoms off, with her lifting her hips to make it easier. As Jamie removed his pants and underwear, Martha reached into her side drawer and pulled out a condom. Jamie took it and pulled it on before he climbed back on top of her. 

Jamie kissed her again as his hands gripped her hips and he pushed inside her. Her gasp of pleasure was muffled by his kisses as the penetration caused a shiver of pleasure to course through his body. 

Their bodies joined as one as they made love for the first time. Their lips never parting as their breaths quickened. Rocking back and forth as one, pushing deeper and faster. 

When Martha gasped and her head fell back lost in pleasure, Jamie’s mouth found the skin of her neck again. With every thrust, he could feel the muscles of his abdomen tightening as his breath came in laboured pants. 

As Martha’s cries filled the room, he lifted his head to watch her as waves of pleasures crested over her face. Her voice cried out in ecstasy as she clenched around him. Pulling him over the edge as well. He gripped Martha tightly as he muffled his cries in her shoulder as he continued to move inside her. 

Martha held on to Jamie as he moved back and forth within her. Until his pace slowed and he came to a stop, exhausted. He pulled out and kissed her shoulder. Jamie held himself up on his elbows and looked down at Martha tenderly. His fingers found her face, gentle and warm.

“I love you,” Jamie whispered. 

Martha’s breath caught in her chest as it filled with warmth. She cared deeply for Jamie but she was not sure she was ready to say those words yet. 

Jamie’s fingers remained gentle and his smile warm.

“You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know how I feel,” Jamie said before kissing her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ending part wasn’t originally meant to happen. But… my hand slipped. 
> 
> Next chapter: Friends and Family


End file.
